A Swift Kick & A Band-Aid

Summer School

In approximately 2.5 hrs I will be giving my final presentation for Strategy & Military History. I will be enlightening my fellow students on the US command decision to cross the 38th parallel during the Korean War. Should be the greatest 5 minutes of my evening (well, at least since I'm fairly certain I'm not getting laid).

Oh, Did I mention it's a group presentation? And that we have not met on how we are to coordinate our individual portions? And how we have 41 powerpoint slides for a 12-15 minute talk? We're awesome, I know.

But you know what, once it's done...I'm DONE! No more summer school. No responsibilities until I decide to take some on. Who's up for a little vacay?

Baking

I was reading Application to Date Me over on The Bisch and saw he asks

15. I like cookies, especially chocolate chip ones. Do you like baking chocolate chip cookies?

I laughed so unexpectedly I almost had green tea come out my nose. I knew guys like fresh baked cookies but wow...

It made me a little sad though. It wasn't that long ago that I spent my spare time baking the day away and my evening packaging the goods up for the guys at my then moocher boyfriend's office. My house always smelled of dutch apple bread, banana bread, chocolate chip cookies, peanut butter cookies, and oreo cheesecakes. I threw some other things in from time to time but those were always big hits. I even took requests.

It came to an end once I got too busy to be suffiently bored enough to bake but I do miss it from time to time. I haven't really had an opportunity to bake for an office since then. I don't ever bake for my own workplace though...it feels too much like begging for their compliments or approval.

*sigh* Those were some good times...

Jake

My step-mom's boxer, Jake, died at dad's house this morning. Dad text messaged my phone to tell me. What a happy wake-up call....

I won't particularly miss Jake since I haven't spent more than 36 hrs in my dad's house since he got re-married. I just never bonded with the dog in any meaningful way. Still, it is sad. He suffered for a long time when he should have been euthanized many months ago. I am relieved he is out of his misery.

I am slightly curious and creeped out though. I've never had a pet die at home (other than fish). I don't know how I would deal with my pet just dropping dead in my house. Meeting an unfortunate end is one thing, but to just wake up one morning and find your life-long pet not breathing? Yikes... I'd have nightmares for sure.

Sex Style

Meee-ow I'm awesome...come and get it boys!

In-Laws

I'm embarassed to say I'm watching Dr. Phil at the moment but when it came on, I just couldn't turn it off because of the topic - terrible in-laws. Granted, I've never been married but I've had some bad experiences with the potential in-laws that have definitely been detrimental to my relationships.

So...the show didn't really help because I got distracted and didn't really pay attention...but what I did hear sounded familiar. Men that don't stand up for their wives... in-laws that talk trash or meddle... women that get backed into a corner because they are entirely abandoned... men caught in the middle that do nothing because they don't know who to side with...

While I love my grandmother and I have issues with my own mother, I saw first hand how this affected my mom as I was growing up. My mother did everything she could to make that woman happy. She gave up relationships with her own family and I missed out on relationships with my extended family only 4 hours away because my grandmother insisted we spend holidays with her. My father never stood up for my mom and to the best of my knowledge, never even validated that she had a reason to be upset when my grandmother did something. The snide remarks were missed when we were young but always could sense the tension. We always knew when our parents had been fighting over her, even if we couldn't hear them. My grandma didn't respect my mom and my dad never stepped in to ease the tension. My mom got run over for years and was never given any credit for how hard she tried or how emotionally trying it was to be the bigger person for nearly 30 years.

The only potential inlaws that have ever treated me well were the people that believed I was far too good for their son and practically encouraged me to leave him once they realized I was about to do it.

Maybe this is why I've never been married...

Fair Play?

I have a question I'd like to pose to the 'sphere...

If a woman hits a man, for whatever reason, right or wrong (in the arm or body...not the face or the jewels), does the man have a right to hit her back? Ever? Is this fair in the era of equal rights and equal treatment?

Please leave your response in the comments.

Insomnia

Anyone who has known me for even a few month knows I often fight with insomnia. I'm a night person by nature and sometimes it just takes over. Last night was one of those nights. And I haven't been sleeping well for the past few days as it is.

I forced myself to go to bed around 2am but my body was not having it. I tossed and turned for probably an hour before I fell asleep. Unfortunately though, it didn't last long. I was awake off and on for the entire rest of the night. At 6am I was awake enough to realize what time it was and getting fully back to sleep was lost. By 7:30 I was wide awake and out of bed...and bitter about it...

Since then I've had breakfast, surfed my blogroll, and watched far too much TV. Far too many channels, nothing good on TV, and a blow to my self-esteem as I somehow got stuck on paid programming for fitness videos...

Fucking insomnia

Greatest American EVER

I'm sure this topic is going to be all over the 'sphere tomorrow so I'm not going to go off pontificating about it. I'm just going to sit and smile about it.

Ronald Reagan voted the greatest American of all time

Just makes me all kinds of warm and fuzzy inside.

Guilt

Have you ever posted something on your blog just to get it off your chest and then been confronted with a comment, email, phone call from someone that swore what you wrote was in relation to them? Sometimes they’re apologizing for something they'd done, sometimes they're mad as hell that you wrote such a thing in view of the entire public... but either way...they are certain your motives for writing point straight back at them.

But what if your motives for writing weren't pointing straight back at them? Have you ever just felt a certain way without having to ascribe those feelings to one single person or event? Maybe a bunch of things just built up and you had to get it out once and for all. I have felt this way... posted as a result...and gotten the aforementioned, unsolicited response...

In my philosophy, the people that think the posts are about them are guilty. Some might say self-absorbed or arrogant...but I'll stick with guilty. A conscience so guilty about something that they are convinced my writing was their fault. A conscience that knows a wrong deed was committed that has not been atoned for and is trying to make its owner realize the error in judgment. Alas, most of these people don't listen to the conscience and just think you a liar when you tell them the post wasn't about them...

Those with something to hide or a guilty conscience are always the ones that will jump to scream their defense. Sometimes though, 'he doth protest too much,' and the truth shines through...

But guilt really is a strange thing when you stop and think about it...sometimes we bring it on ourselves and sometimes we are coaxed into it with the help of someone else...but really, it is something truly internal that makes us suffer...

Whiskey Girl

I had an awesome time this weekend at a moving out party. Good food, lots of people, and plenty of alcohol.

It was a Crown & Coke night for me...and an entire bottle of Crown later I found I had been laid four, yes FOUR times...and while I was at it I managed to get myself into some handcuffs too... Hey, they don't call me whiskey girl for nothin'!

...and afterall, it was in the name of supporting the troops... what can be trashy about that?

Check the extended entry for pics

Well now that you've got the whole picture...what I really meant to say was...I'd been LEI'ED four times.
But it still was patriotic...Red, White, and Blue for our flag, Yellow for our troops.

What kind of dirty girl did you think hope that I was?
If you weren't there, you'll never know for sure...

Make Cleaning Fun

I found this humorous link about cleaning via Rachel Ann. I especially like #13...

13. I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on.

A vacuum you can ride on? Now THAT would make housework fun. Hell, I'd volunteer to vacuum friends' and neighbors' houses just to get more time in with the vacuum...

Science...you need to get on this RIGHT AWAY!

Josie

In cadaver class, my dissection team included a couple of guys who loved to joke around. They were good for a laugh no matter how bad your day was. For the most part their hijinks were innocent and fun...usually...

Split into our 3 pairs, we stood around the body and across from our partner tasked with dissecting the mirror image of our position. During the first couple of sessions we had no idea what we were doing. We had been handed a dissection kit, a smock, surgical gloves, a text book, and told not to screw it up. CRAP!

We were terrified of our instructor - but somehow, not in a bad way. We all loved her and had a huge amount of respect for her...but feared if we pissed her off the wrath she would bring down upon us. We had seen it before. We had heard her yell. We had seen the controlled, carefully selected words she hurled...they always hit their target and she never said something she didn't mean or something she didn't think would benefit the recipient. She was the best thing for us...and we were scared shitless about it...

Adrenaline pumping...scalpel in hand...instructor’s words echoing in my head...I make an incision and pray I didn't cut too deep... Insecurity still coursing through my body. Using tweezers and probes I keep working to remove the necessary tissue... In my head I hear, don't fuck this up, everyone is counting on you...med school is on the line here...for everyone.... None of us are really sure yet how to take the fact that this is a dead woman, not an animal. I slowly begin shutting out the chatter of the other groups and the music playing in the background.... My mind becomes focused on the body before me... I assure myself that I can do this... and I feel a tap on my arm... I twist my head just slightly and look out of the corner of my eye to see who is trying to get my attention... I see the cadaver's hand moving up and down, tapping my forearm. AHHHHH!!! I jumped three feet and dropped my tools. Words could not escape my panicked lips. The voice in my head was screaming, THE DEAD WOMAN MOVED! THE DEAD WOMAN JUST FUCKING MOVED!! The boys fell to the floor laughing...

Josie, who had been dissecting next to me, though it would be funny to tap me with her hand and had gotten the other 3 guys in on the joke. Funny after the fact, but not cool in the moment. Tell me with a straight face you wouldn't damn near wet your pants if a dead woman started moving...

Personality

I'll let you be the judge of this test's accuracy...

You are pure, moral, and adaptable. You tend to blend into your surroundings. Shy on the outside, you're outspoken to your friends. You believe that you live a virtuous life... And you tend to judge others with a harsh eye. As a result, people tend to crave your approval.

There's No Humor...

...In the Good Humor aisle at Giant.

As if it weren't sad enough to be doing your grocery shopping on a Friday night, alone, I had a basket full of frozen food screaming away at the state of my personal life. Don't ask me why but my chubby ass gave into the devil inside that was begging for ice cream.

I got to the aisle, my indecisiveness kicked in, and I hemmed and hawed about what to buy for a few minutes. Finally I started picking up boxes and comparing labels. I had to give into the devil inside but I didn't want to be 3 sizes bigger as a result. I finally decide on something, add it to my basket, and go on my way.

*Smack*

The ice cream bars fell on the floor as I'm leaving the aisle. As I pick them up I realize they aren't the ones I wanted. So I go to the end cap freezer with various frozen treats and put it inside. I reach to pick up a different box when I realize there are 20 bars inside. I definitely don't need that much ice cream in my freezer. My ass would be to New Jersey by dawn... So I close the freezer, keep looking, and finally decide on cheap ice cream bars.

I grab the box, pull it from the freezer, and *whoosh* the entire box of ice cream bars go flying across the floor. I start to laugh at the happenstance but as I look up to the people coming my direction, none of them are even snickering. One woman even glared at me for being her way as I picked them all up and put the damaged box back in the freezer. No humor I tell you...

Like studying alone on a Friday night in a crowded restaurant wasn't shameful enough... Hpmh!

Another Degree?

You know...I just may never be done going to school...

I have 2 Bachelors degrees, I'm in the process of getting a Masters degree, and now UCONN develops a Masters degree that is more in line with that I'd rather be pursuing...CNN reported on it today.

So, how many want to bet I apply to UCONN for Fall 2006?

Step-Skank

Err..I meant to title this step-sister...

Well the little skank has now officially followed in the older skank's footsteps and even managed to one up her. This morning, little skank smacked her Infiniti (that she did nothing to earn or pay for) into the whore's BMW. At least the older skank only wrecked her own car when she had accident after accident.

And will the little skank be held responsible? Not a prayer... Her mother the whore wouldn't hear of teaching her children how to be responsible for their actions. Or in reference to the skank, the words of my brother...

Lol. Responsible? Educated? Intelligent? Why be any of those things when you can just marry/divorce men as they hold/lack money?

Why dad married into this trash I will never understand...

I tried...

Really...I did...

I was on my way to class when I realized (1) I was running late (I thought) and (2) I didn't have enough money on my metro card and all I had was a credit card. Dammit, fewer machines to choose from. I happened to catch the station just when a bus full of travelers came in...There is a shuttle from the airport directly to where I metro from. Dammit, stupid lines of people. I have 2 machines to choose from and one line is horrendous...so I go to the other one... Dammit, it's the line of people that don't know what they are doing. Ok, I can be patient...I don't really care about class that much anyway...

Dobee dobee do... waiting... waiting... waiting ... K...almost my turn...

The lady in front of me is this little old woman that apparently can't speak or read English. But she has a smartcard... weird... Anyway, I am patient... she must sort of know how this works if she has a smartcard.

Dobee dobee do... waiting... waiting... waiting ... K... this lady is clueless...

She is getting frustrated and more frantic as she is pushing buttons and trying to shove money in the machine. She steps aside mid-transaction, desperately looking at the next machine, trying to find some way to do this. It's almost like she used to know but just can't remember.

I feel bad for her so I try to help...

I lean forward, cancel the screen she is staring at, and start her over. I swipe her card, push a button...meanwhile she is frantically trying to shove the money in still... the machine takes the money, I swipe her card, and she’s good to go.

Or not...

She stands there staring at the screen. I put my hand on her shoulder and tell her its ok, it’s all done. And then I get the look... Oh shit...what did I do? She puts her hands to her face and then holding up two fingers says, "2 dollar" and points to herself. Uhhh...shit... You can't get money off of a smartcard once it’s on there. Uhhh...shit shit shit... She wanders away mumbling to herself and holding her head in her hands. I look to the guy behind me and he looks at me like, "you're holding up the line."

So, I get my card and I go to class. I saw her standing at the other smartcard machine when I went through the gate thingy (whatever that is called for real). I felt terrible! What if that was money for her kids to eat tonight? Ugh...I tried, man...

Do I at least get the good karma for trying?
All I tried to be was a Good Samaritan, God dammit...

Almost Dead Painter

During my third year of college I lived in an overpriced yet kind of crappy apartment complex. The rent was a little steep but I had my own bedroom so I didn't dare complain too much. The girl that lived in the loft didn't have walls...I was better off than her at least. That year was also the year the management decided to repaint the complex. It took month after month to finish all the buildings...but this single story made living there worth while...

Early one bright and sunny morning the crew taped plastic over my top floor window and prepared to paint the street side of the building. Of course, they started at the top. This meant they placed a VERY high ladder against the building, and it went right past my window. Where there is a ladder, there is a painter...

Come about 8am my alarm clock goes off, simultaneously playing loud pop music and irritating beeps. I reached over and hit snooze...meanwhile, the guy outside jumped 3 feet and spent the next 5 minutes cussing up a storm in Spanish. I snuggled back into bed and dozed until the snooze went off. I reached over and hit snooze again...and the guy outside jumped a couple of feet and swore up and down he almost fell of the ladder and died. I giggled to myself and snuggled back in bed...my Spanish sucked but I could understand enough to know he didn't know where the noise was coming from and was thoroughly pissed off about it. Nine minutes later, the snooze went off again... I was full on laughing at this point... he was still startled by the alarm... He was yelling to other guys in the crew that their joke wasn't funny anymore... which of course made it that much funnier to me... But I felt kind of bad so I turned off the alarm and went to take a shower.

Later, wrapped in a towel, I walked back into my room and just remembering it made me laugh...I damn near killed the guy with my alarm clock!

I told you I hate mornings...enough to kill...

Sizzle-less

Today's Thought of the Day is:

Discuss.

Recruiting

So parents keep bitching about military recruiters 'harassing' their children. I would like to smack each and every one of these people...with a dead fish...right across the face...some of them more than once.

I know several Marine Corps recruiters and have had some experience with how they are taught to do their job. There are bad apples that might not be doing their job correctly but these parents are making a bad name for recruiters and the military everywhere.

These kids are 18 (or damn near) and society trusts them to be adults at that point. Granted, at 18 we all still have a lot of growing up to do...but if you trust them to vote, why don't you trust them to uphold that value? It was won militarily here, why is it so wrong that the military be used to bring that value to another country?

High school juniors and seniors should be adult enough to be able to say, "No thank you" and walk away if they really aren't interested. Sure, sometimes there is the hard sell but no one is grabbing you by the arm and dragging you to MEPS against your will. Maybe it's just annoying to get the phone calls when you really aren't interested? There is a way to keep your information off their records - try using it instead of working your flappy little head like a South Park character.

Are these teenagers not allowed to decide for themselves what future adventures they'd like to embark on? Feel they don't have all the facts? Talk to them about why they are interested in the military! Or is your discomfort about their decision worth more than their autonomy and your support?

It is a recruiter’s job to conduct himself in the most professional way possible while talking to your children. On an educational campus, at the mall, in their office, or any other place a recruiter might be found...do you really think that this person is going to risk their career over getting your kid to enlist? I don't think so. You might think your kid is that special but I've got news for you...he/she isn't worth someone's job, let alone a military career & retirement...

And if your kid is so frightened of the big bad recruiter at the age of 17 or 18 that they can't walk the other way, you should worry...not about the recruiter but about how sheltered you've raised your kid to be. Oh, and don't let them go shopping by themselves either...you know how pushy those sales people can be...your children might get swindled and learn a hard lesson about making their own decisions...GASP!

Trouser Tents

Now we all know what these are...But I was recently enlightened by one man's struggle with them...in church...whhaa?

In my state of shock, verging on disapproval...I gave him a look...

He quickly threw up his hands and protested..."It's the pants! It's the pants! It's the dress pants! The fabric and the way it rubs...I can't help it!"

I raised an eyebrow, he continued...

"It happens to lots of guys...didn't you know?"

No, I didn't know...and I didn't really understand either...until I thought about what it is like to sit at a nice dinner, primped just so, cast in the image of society's good girl...wearing no panties under my skirt... Mmmm - What a lovely, tingly thought ... I just can't help but get more turned on as the night goes on.

Now I get it...

Oh, and he told me that it happens at work now too because of the new khakis...hehehe... Is that a ruler in your pocket or are you just trying to get a raise? Cuz I don't swing that way, Son...

Blinded

Every girl has every now and again, whether she likes it or not, has serviced her man and then allowed him to perform the money shot... I am no exception...

Having engaged in said activity one day...he got some love in my eye... No big deal, this has happened before... only this time I came out looking like I'd just been in a bar fight... My eye got red and bloodshot, the eyelids were pink and swollen, and it was tender to the touch ... We cleaned up and assured myself the reaction was momentary. We were both dressed, him ready to leave for a job interview, and my eye was still giving me fits. I stood there bleery eyed as he took a picture of the two of us...he was proud of the strength of his little men, I suppose. He went off to interview and I sat to wonder what would become of my eye. How do you explain to the opthamologist that you've got a bit of your man in your eye without turning eight shades of red?

An hour or so later my eye returned to normal...putting my fears of being blinded or having to seek medical attention to rest.

But my advice to the men out there? Be careful with that thing...you'll put someone's eye out!

Soy & Fertility

According to the BBC, British researchers are claiming that eating soy products can reduce your chances of conceiving a child, based on recent studies.

Bad news for people that like soy and are trying to have a baby...

Great news for me! I can eat yummy healthy foods (like edemame) and smite the little bastards trying to create life in my body...all at the same time! Not that I don't take more traditional precautions to ensure my baby free zone remains baby free ... but every little bit helps ...

Rock on, Soy...

Unheard Of

Acidman graciously referred to my site this morning (thus sending much more than my usual traffic my way) as he suggested it remain unheard of...He apparently didn't take kindly to my story of hefting around a dead woman.

In response I have to say *insert childish face with tongue sticking out*

I may or may not remain unheard of...and I will get my feelings hurt over poor traffic...but I'm still going to write about dead people... it was the coolest thing I think I've ever done.

Though the story may have made us sound like hooligans, we were as respectful of the dead as we could be and were grateful they had given us the opportunity to learn something so unique at such a young age. We made a lot of jokes and it definitely twisted our sense of humor but we did our best not to take it too far.

I am not a doctor today and I never applied to med school. Without that course, I never would have seen what my insides look like. And let me tell you...you're missing out if you don't know...

Oh, and I discovered something else from that course...I rock with probing tools...

2000th Hit

Dare I reward #2000?

I know I'm still a small fry but hey, its still a milestone...

UPDATE:
It's getting closer! Have you thought about what you want your prize to be?

UPDATE 2:
Looks as though I am going to have to disappoint Skippy Stalin this time...the winner of the 2000th hit was Countertop of The Countertop Chronicles. Let's see what he asks for...

Cadavers

Yes, Loyal Subject (and people Eric sent over), I have set out to write about cadavers...real live human beings, only they're dead...

Since Eric was so kind as to send traffic my way, I thought I'd give you guys something to read about. After all, no one has won the topless photos yet...

Once upon a time, I was a senior in high school...after much study, kow tow, and ass kissing… I was granted the privilege of dissecting a human cadaver... Let me tell you, it was AWESOME!

The Scene:
An unassuming high school classroom kept just a little bit too cold with an innocent looking wooden cabinet in the back. 4 oddly out of place autopsy tables aligned in the back of the room. 24 high school seniors with far too much curiosity to do them any good.

Day 1: Time to Get Our Bodies
The day began with brownish fluid leaking from the cabinet, covering the floor halfway across the classroom. We didn't have to deal with it...our class didn't meet until after lunch. It was up to the other classes that met in that room to deal with the stinking, putrid fluid. Most of them didn't know what it was...but we did...
The bell rang, we filed in, and divided into our 4 assigned dissection groups. The teacher stood up on a counter top and barked out directions. Group by group we proceed to remove our bodies from the cabinet.
...Group 3...
2 girls, 4 guys, 1 dead chick, and a porcelain table with a drain
We each grab part of the red plastic body bag and heft...Damn this woman is heavy! Our efforts were not evenly distributed and neither was she. Fluid sloshed in the body bag and we struggled to heft her 4 feet off the ground in a coordinated fashion...we almost dropped her a couple of times. She was double bagged but that didn't stop the fluid from finding the path of least resistance...where the zippers met. The fluid also found my cutely manicured toes, primed with the school colors, mistakenly placed that morning in open toed shoes. Finally we got her up where she belonged, but not before we smacked her head on the table in one of the worst thuds I think I've ever heard.

Once everyone was situated we opened up the bag... The smell was something you cannot prepare for. It hit your nostrils deep inside and made you question your real need for oxygen. Our eyes fixed on a 74 year old woman who had donated her body to science...that was nearly floating in the same red-brown delight that was now squished between my toes. The remainder of the day was spent bailing her out...with little plastic drink cups... It took a while before I could drink Kool-Aid again.

We decided she needed a name...being the smallest, yet most fluid filled cadaver in the room... she was dubbed Juicy Lucy

Next time, teenagers with scalpels...Muhahaha

Stupid Decisions

The path you choose is not mine to judge but I can't help but do so. Your life and your decisions do not affect me but still I am affected in my reactions to them.

I don't know if I should take pride in knowing I was right or be disappointed that things really aren't that different...

You are bad at relationships and you have been unsure if you are ready for one...so dating your roommate seemed like the right place to test it out? How the hell did that make sense in your head? No escape to your own house when things get tough. No space to call your own that she doesn't have claim to first. You always know where she is and she will always know where you are. The commitment-phobe has placed himself in the most committed relationship of his life...there is no escape from it but to move. At this rate, have you proposed yet?

I have no right to be angry but still I am. I'm not jealous, I feel as if I have been deceived. All this time I have heard how much you have changed - evidence would indicate otherwise. I have heard you say the words, "you were right, I should have listened" but still you don't.

I have always thought better of you than what you could live up to. Perhaps it is I that need make less foolish decisions...

John Warden

I'm off writing about this cat right now...

Once I'm done later today I'll be back to bemuse you

Odd Protest

You know, I never really thought I'd see people protesting over the PR of potatoes... in London no less... But they've taken to the streets and are demanding the dictionary be amended...

I can understand that they are part of a potato growing lobby that feels the term is hurting their sales... It might seem reasonable that their request be to have the term restricted in sales & marketing campaigns... But to have the term removed from the dictionary? Like it isn't a real word?

Come on people... It's a real word and it's one that people are going to use in their daily lives whether you like it or not. Dictionaries include curse words that aren't considered properly acceptable and slang terms that aren't exceptionally kind. What have we come to when we start banning words from the dictionary simply because we don't like them?

I can get behind you on wanting to promote your product but don't mess around with bans that will get us all into trouble later. Have a little forethought man...

Cell Phone Antics

I've been away from my phone a lot lately so when I saw that I had several missed calls over the weekend, I was not surprised. The weird part? There was a new number I didn't recognize, no voicemail, and I didn't have a clue where the area code was from. I figured it couldn't have been too important if they didn't leave a voicemail.
This morning that same number called again. Only this time when I answered it, they hung up...immediately. I'm talkin 4 second phone call here. Ok...so I'm a little more curious at this point and I go look up the area code.

Waco, TX? Who the hell do I know in Waco, TX? Uh oh...this could be bad...

I tried to call the number back but it was busy. I wait a few minutes and try to call again. I get a recording that says the number is not working.

So now I have no idea what to think. It could be one of two people that don't really have any reason to be calling and I really don't want to talk to anyway....or it could be some kind of telemarketer crap that sometimes happens....

But if it happens again, I'm going to start getting bitter...

UPDATE:
They have now called three times...
Jun 19, 8:18p
Jun 20, 12:21p
Jun 20, 1:24p

Not cool

UPDATE 2:
Fourth time - Jun 20, 5:39p
I answered again and discovered the number belongs to a call center somewhere but they wouldn't tell me who they were or why they were calling. Fuckers...

Damn Deck

It bit me, you know... The damn deck bit me... and it bit me damn hard!

Ok, so I had a little fault in there too. I was walking around barefoot on the deck and stubbed my big toe (not unusual for the klutz that is me). This was different though, it hurt a lot. I looked down and there was a mouse sized spear sticking out of my toe. I yanked it out and of course, broke a piece off in my toe. I tried coaxing it out, but to no avail...

I went in search of the proper toe surgery tools... and found none.

So I took an unused finishing nail from a piece of newly purchased furniture and proceeded to dig the offending piece of wood from my toe. It took a bit of work but I have now removed one tiny splinter and one mouse sized spear-tip from my toe.

Finding a band-aid and antibiotic ointment was another adventure in itself...

But now I am bandaged and good as new! Who says self-surgery isn't fun?

Happy Father's Day

Happy day to all you dads out there...hopefully you got to do something fun with your kids today.

I bought a father's day card a month ago and had its mailing penciled in my schedule...but then it went on vacation in my room somewhere...oops... A phone call had to do instead. But my brother took him to the annual car show in town and, if all went well, bought him a few rounds... Hey, I paid for Mother's Day...lil bro can pay for Father's Day... it's only fair...

And one more Father's Day wish...to my blog daddy... I happen to think he's one of the hippest dads in the 'sphere... I think Christina would agree... but perhaps we're biased. Hope you had a great one wielding some weapons and eating red meat. It wouldn't be an American celebration any other way!

Library, Then and Now

It's a pretty nice day out and I'm heading to the library...ugh...

I am not a fan of the library. Period. It just creeps me out, I'm not sure why. It brings out every insecurity I have so deftly hidden beneath the surface of my cutely freckled self.

In my 5 years as an undergrad I set foot in the library a total of ten times, if that even. And beyond the tour of the library that I got at freshman orientation, it wasn't until my third year that I started going. Once Intermediate Microeconomics was over, and I stopped meeting Carol to study there, I had very little reason to go back. Study groups always found somewhere else to meet and 5th year I had an office to go to if I was stuck on campus.

As a child I would beg to ride my bike to the library in the summer time. I can remember as a young child climbing up the 'bookshelves' in the kids room that were nothing more than a semi-pyramidal shaped wall of cubes housing books in every nook and cranny. All the cool books were at the top... I was proud of my library card and the speed with which I consumed books. As I got older, I stopped climbing and sought out books about a life I had never lived...the sea. Island of the Blue Dolphins captured my attention over and over again. I grew obsessed with whales and my parents took me to Boston to see the aquarium and go whale watching. I read Dove probably a dozen times. I kept reading about all kinds of sea creatures I had never seen but longed to encounter some day.

When the new library opened at my elementary school I helped to build and populate the terrarium at the entrance. I was cool because I was putting within their reach the very animals the younger kids would read about. Then came the lessons on how to use the library...I was SO above this...I mean, come on...I was in the SIXTH grade...I had been using the library for years...what was this woman going to teach me about books that I didn't already know? I was Miss Library...

Hehehe...being young was so much fun...

Hollywood

Today's Thought of the Day is:

Is it really just Hollywood that thinks this way? I'd venture to say no. Any town that fosters and thrives on the high school-esque drama would find the above statement to be true. Count your blessings if you've escaped the bullshit...I seem to keep finding it...

Stupidity

Today's Thought of the Day is:

Well at least I'm not alone in my struggle...

John Warden

Upon the professor's suggestion, I am writing a research paper about Col. John Warden (USAF) for my strategist project due Tuesday. I know nothing about him other than he's a Persian Gulf era airpower enthusiast.

Crap.

Stupid research papers in summer school!

iPOD

I've lived this long without an iPOD or any type of portable MP3 device but if I can have one for free, dammit, I want one for free(ish).

CLICK THIS LINK to help me get it.

I need 4 people to help me out of the dark ages...PLEASE!!!!

Agent Smith

If there is one thing I am terrible at, it is hiding the way I feel. I wear my emotions across my face all of the time, even when I don't realize it. I guess I'm pretty transparent that way...especially in the last few weeks. I have had people come up to me and ask me what is wrong or strangers give me the 'you look so sad' face. The main reason would be my difficulties with Agent Smith. Someone I considered to be one of my closest friends. And now, someone who has turned away from that bond. She used to read this blog but I'm not sure if she still will. I'm not writing to try to instigate anything with her; I just don't know what to do with it anymore. Hopefully she will understand that if she reads this, but I'm not holding my breath...

Disclaimer: If what you are about to read seems petty to you, that's because it is... But that doesn't make it suck any less ...and in my mind, that makes it suck even more.

Agent Smith was a friend that I would do anything for. We had a lot of common interests and we enjoyed each other's company. I did everything I could to help her out. From using whatever connections I had to help her sick father to staying up all night at a diner with her, just so she had moral support to do work she wasn't motivated to do. I gave her any notes I had from previous courses, copies of papers I had received good marks on, and edited paper after paper under the slimmest of deadlines. I wanted to see her succeed so I gave her what I could. We had a lot of good times together around town and a lot of experiences we'll never share with anyone else.

Then I moved away to grad school... Things have never been the same...
I have changed on the East Coast for a number of reasons. First, I'm not happy. Second, grad school isn't the same as undergrad. Third, I have to care a lot more about my future than I did then. Fourth, life has a lot more pressure to it these days than it did when I could gallivant about San Diego with hardly a care in the world. It has not changed who I am at the core. It has only changed the amount of time I have to spend laughing and joking around. I still want to play; I just now have to budget for that differently than I did before. She does not understand this about me and I do not understand her at this point in her life.

We never fought when I lived down the block. Since I've moved we've fought times. This time was too much for her, it seems. The sad part is that the fight always starts over something that should never come between two friends - a guy. We weren't even fighting over the same guy. Our fights revolve around my choice in men. This last fight though was about the way she was treating the man she is dating. I felt that she was behaving badly towards him and she was shocked that I dare question their relationship based on that behavior. Things just got worse from there...

I planned a trip back to San Diego for her graduation. Knowing she would be busy with family in town, I got a hotel close to her apartment and a car large enough to transport 5-6 people to make things easier on everyone. About a week after a fight, I got a message from her boyfriend saying he would be staying in my hotel with me. It was news to me since no one had ever run that past me before, nor had anyone offered to chip in. He said he would talk to her about it and I didn't hear another word on the subject...until I brought it up with her over two weeks later. Three weeks had gone by since she had laughed in my face about things and told me she was over it. She was still pissed and ripped into me for wanting an apology that the hotel misunderstanding was not resolved. Of course, another fight ensued.

Just over 24hrs before I was supposed to fly out for her graduation she e-mailed me (at 5am ET) saying she didn't want to see me while I was in town. We exchanged a few emails before I left but she didn't see me while I was there. There was no apology for the considerable sum of extra money I laid out in order to accommodate her graduation schedule. I flew in a day early, stayed extra days, spent more on a hotel and car than necessary, but I don't think she even realizes it. There was no communication while I was in town other than a text message to my phone at 10:40 the night before I left saying she hoped I had a good time and a safe flight home. I haven't responded because I was sick with anger over the message. I was shocked at how flippant she continues to be and how easily she can just close the door on what we shared.

She feels in her gut that ending our friendship is the right thing for her to do. I can't change that in her. I have asked her to see my side of the story and she won't budge. She believes she is right and capable of seeing the truth for what it is, not what I say it is. She is angry and I'm not who she wants me to be anymore. Under those circumstances, she has no place for me in her life.

I feel like all I can do at this point is wave goodbye. No amount of explaining will undo what she feels is done. I will miss her. She was someone I thought would be there for me through anything.

So ... if you see me and want to know why I am so sad ... it is because Agent Smith has made up her mind and has no qualms about following through.

Dog Day

Yep, I'm watching the dog again...
He just spent 8 days in the kennel and if left home alone he has to go into the crate that he hates. I thought the little guy could use a break.

So, I'm up far earlier than usual (and thus somewhat grumpy) and the dog doesn't give a crap. I'd be sleeping if it weren't for the neighbor dog that was barking this morning. At least it wasn't this dog though. He thought about eating this morning but decided instead to go press his face against the front window and rip off a few, rather loud farts while I ate breakfast just on the other side of the room. Awesome...

I can see this is going to be a great day already...

Faults

Today's Thought of the Day:

"If you feel you have no faults ... there's another one." --unknown

Admitting you have been wrong, that you struggle, or that you do not understand does not make you weak; it makes you human. Your strength lies in your ability to admit fault and the search to correct it.

Return to Residence

I gently waved in my heart, full with sadness, to the nasty yellow buildings of MCRD as the plane took off today... I had to leave home yet again.

I went to sleep to ignore the ache...

Once I woke up I tried reading, I tried listening to CDs, but all I could think of was how empty I felt. The pillowy, cotton-like clouds playing peek-a-boo with the farmland were a slight calming force though.

The delicate and intricate ice crystals crept up the window and I knew my heaven of isolation would be over soon...they signified my suspended life would coming back soon... once the floating stopped and the people disappeared.

We sank to land like a rock, quick and without regard for what went past. An eerie orange and yellow halo hung around the shadow of the plane as we descended to the cloud level. Our shadow grew larger and the halo more frightening as we banked left. Through the clouds... the magnificent ice melting... a dingy haze hanging in the air... grass the color of bile... a humid fog crowding the window...

Not a single tear fell but my heart broke with the wheels on the runway. I have returned to where I reside and left home behind yet again...

I don't know when I will go home again...
But I saw within myself answers that cannot be unlearned...
I've returned to a shattered semblance of what life used to be...
The nightmares have already started to come back...

Housing Poll

Would you rather live in Town A or Town B?

The choice is easy...

I'll be in the fun place for the next week...so you're on your own unless Eric or Sadie stop by for a visit unannounced...they are the only neighbors with keys but I've decided to leave the house empty. If they stop by...it'll be a treat for you, loyal subjects...try not to miss me too much...

San Diego, I'm a comin home!!

Goodbye Agent Smith

I miss you already...

Girl, your bags are packed
And you ain't coming back is written on them
Take these memories with you
They're just sad and they're blue and I don't want them
Oh, you're not so sure that you're in love anymore
And I ain't gonna beg you to stay
Ain't it just like you to leave
Ain't it just like me to let you walk away

I hold a tender place in my heart for you and you know it
I've never said it out loud
Guess I was way too proud to ever show it
We always thought some night that we might get it right
But that ain't going to happen today
Ain't it just like you to leave
Ain't it just like me to let you walk away

--Toby Keith/Scotty Emerick

Pulp Fiction

You know you want me...I'm Esmarelda...

You're a hardworking individual enshrouded by an overwhelming sense of mystery, beauty, and intrigue. Though always on the go, you keep focused, helping -- often rapturing -- those you meet. Take the What Pulp Fiction Character Are You? quiz.

Stolen from Sadie

Tunnel Vision

So many people in our society have what I am going to refer to as 'tunnel vision' and it is really a sad thing to witness. By 'tunnel vision' I'm attempting to label the phenomenon whereby people are so caught up in their own lives and how busy they are that they are virtually incapable of seeing the world through another person's eyes in any meaningful way. Those afflicted with 'tunnel vision' no longer see what someone else might see and take that viewpoint into account when they act. There is no more golden rule. They bury themselves in their own assumptions and do what they have to in order to get by...all the while excusing their mistreatment of others or at the very least, their rude behavior with the idea of how many important things they have to accomplish.

Oh how I miss the days of treating others the way you wish to be treated was just plain common courtesy...

Standing Still

"Fear not moving slowly, fear only standing still." -- Chinese Proverb

Discuss...

D-Day

I had been planning a D-day post for several months not but I never got around to drafting one. Obviously from the post earlier this evening, today did not allow for one either. So instead, I shall share a tid bit of my childhood.

Even as a child, I talked to anyone that would listen...especially adults. As a young child, whenever my dad would introduce me to a colleague, a friend, or even a random person at the post office, they would ask how old I was...and I would hold up the (hopefully) appropriate number of fingers. Naturally they would next ask when my birthday was...Don't ask me why I always deferred to my dad, but I did. After I looked to him for approval, I would always excitedly, but somewhat confused, respond with the practiced answer, "I was born on D-Day!" I had NO idea what it meant...I just knew that it meant something important...and what little princess doesn't love being important?

Yes, I'm a D-Day baby...even if is the anniversary and not the day of the invasion.

God bless those of you who were there and Thank you to those that would do it for us again today. We will never forget you and shall keep your memory close to heart, no matter how many years pass by.

My Birthday

Thanks Mom for calling twice & the few readers that knew who sent me messages. These were the few high points of my day...

I know, I'm an adult...it's not really a big deal anymore...but I'm not ready to give up the idea that for just one day I deserve to have it easy. Forces in my life saw different. When I should be out having a nice dinner or perhaps just a few drinks with my friends, I'm sitting here blogging...and I shouldn't even be doing that considering the massive thunderstorm outside right now. Oh, and I'm also sitting here smelling like carpet cleaner with the knees of my jeans wet and nothing else to change into...my kind o' fun!

Nothing has gone right today...the day got started late...no breakfast...much longer walk with the dog than was intended (that was muggy as donkey balls in July)...lack of clothing options since I didn't pack an extra set...giant pool of water in the basement where the air conditioner is attempting to piss on all the other appliances...attempt at medicating and crate training the 4 y/o, codependent dog with massive separation anxiety...sitting in an office for someone else's insurance...tense lunch...shopping for things for someone else's house while they mope and refuse to participate...listening to some brat squeak a dog toy every 5 seconds so loud that the entire store could hear it...trying to buy dog treats while listening to two dogs bark at each other...and the awesome kicker? Coming home to a dog that has chewed up the plastic pan in the bottom of his crate, bent part of the door, and cut up both paws and face. I spent the next 45 minutes cleaning blood out of the carpet while the dog got a bath. An entire can of stain remover, 1 cup of water, and 5 towels later...I have lost my patience.

No nice dinner because the dog couldn't be left alone? Fine. No clean clothes to change into because plans changed and I couldn't do anything about it after the fact? Fine. No entertainment because I've watched every movie in the house and there's no cable? Fine. No food in the house because there's been no time for groceries? Fine. The last 4 beers are mine and I don't give a shit what you think about it.

No presents. Keep your damn card even. No more birthday. Getting older just sucks anyway...

I quit.

Google Meme

1. What's the first word that comes to mind when you think of me?
2. Go to Google Images and search for that word.
3. Comment on this post with any one of the pictures on the first page of results (but don't tell me the word).
4. Put this in your own blog so that I can do the same.

Stolen from Gecko's Rantings

Dog Sitting, part ni

Once it cooled off a bit I took the doggie for another walk. He had a bit more energy this time but he was still a little tuckered out. I'm guessing partly from not eating, partly from stress, and still partly from the heat. It was still nearly 80 even in the early evening. I guess that's pretty hot to a Boxer. Anyhow...this is where things started looking up.

We were trotting along and a little black pug barked from across the street. My dog didn't pay him much attention until he barked again and started across the street. This pug didn't have a leash or an owner that he should have been attached to. My dog noticed now. Ordinarily he fights and struggles and howls and cries wanting to play with the other dog. Today though...I urged him forward and kept him focused on the path in front of him. He kept wanting to turn around but I kept him moving forward and a scene was not caused. Hardly a whine, no screams, not nearly even half the struggle he normally puts up. I'm sure it was due in part to the sluggishness but I was very proud of his behavior. He's growing up...

I finally figured out how to keep him a little calmer though, I think...I brought the laptop downstairs (where I can actually get a little bit better signal on the stolen wireless from the neighbors) and I'm on my third movie of the evening. This way he hears the ambient noise he's used to and has the comfort of someone he knows in the same room he's most comfortable sleeping. Understandable that he would be so attached to the loveseat since it's from his old house...I'm just a little tired of being in the same room all day long...

Anyhow...Once we got home he finally decided to eat his food, so long as I turned on the dining room light and sat on the floor next to him. Needless to say, he's not too thrilled with this new house and not having his daddy around. Once his tummy was full though he chased the racquetball a little and finally decided to chew on his hog's ear for a while. He's been a little sad since the other roommate came and left again but he's doing better. So now I know he's just sad and he's not actually sick or anything.

...how much would that suck?..."hey I was dog sitting for you and he got deathly ill...sorry..."

OK...Back to school work with me...

Dog Sitting

So today I finally find myself dog sitting the way I expected to be for the entire weekend. Unfortunately, it's a lot more boring than I thought it would be. The dog is just pouting that his daddy isn't here and doesn't really care about much. My log shows just how uneventful the day has been...

Task: Eating
Status: Failed
Comments: Subject shows a lack of interest in food and/or treats other than food meant for human consumption which he is not allowed.

Task: Chewing a Hog's Ear
Status: Failed
Comments: Subject has not been observed chewing within the last 72 hours. Interest in hog's ear spikes when roommate comes home but fades within the following 5 minutes.

Task: Neighborhood Walk
Status: Failed
Comments: Subject perked and showed excitement when the leash was attached but quickly lost interest once outside the house. Pace was slow due to heat. Distance was limited to the equivalent of a walk around the block.

Task: Laying in the Grass
Status: Failed
Comments: Subject was curious about my setting up the backyard with a tether, chair, and water bowl but was disinterested once tethered to the tree. Subject stood next to the chair for long periods of time, sometimes whining at nothing, and laying down only to pout. Lying in the grass time was cut short by a red wasp crawling on the subject's back.

Task: Laying/Sleeping on the Loveseat
Status: Success
Comments: Subject prefers to lay on the loveseat most of the time. If not looking out the window, subject is sleeping. Motivation to leave the loveseat includes the excitement of the roommate coming home/packing and the rare interesting smell on the back deck - little else is of interest.

So...this leaves me with plenty else to do. And in a new house, this usually means injuring myself... weee!! Yes, over the course of the past 72 hours I have managed to remove two large chunks of my right foot (on separate occasions), get a finger smashed by a refrigerator drawer, get my ankle whacked by something I don't remember but it hurts so I know it happened, get a finger whacked by a ceiling fan, and bruise my face in two places.

Ain't moving just grand?

Doggie Blogging?

This may or may not be a reality this weekend...

Ok, I don't really care about doggie blogging but I am off to unpack someone else's moving van and then my weekend will be spent dog sitting. Unfortunately, I'm not sure the status of the internet at the house...EEK!

If I come back on Monday slightly insane, you'll know why...

New Look

While I love what Sadie did with the place, I'm a changer...I move furniture, I change clothes often, I reorganize for the sake of a new look...

I needed options to choose from! I'm not finished with this design but I figured I'd leave it up to see how it struck me.

So...what do you think?

UPDATE: I spent all morning trying to make this fit in 800 x 600 and it blew when I put it back in 1024 x 768 so I'm still messing with it. Anyone else have problems viewing? Suggestions?

Character: Lacey

Lacey always saw herself as a strong and fiercely independent person. To most that observed her she appeared aloof, almost uncaring. Her brisk walk and purposeful appearance only added to the perception that she was cold and unapproachable. She never gave off an image of mean spiritedness but people often would steer clear nonetheless - the same as they would cross the street when faced with a chained dog while walking past a neighborhood yard.

However, their behavior was fitting; she identified herself most closely with a K-9 Shepard. She admired their ability to focus and remain on mission. It was her goal to be the same way in her own life. This often meant she had little use for people - they usually just got in the way of completing a task. Like her animal counterpart, Lacey investigated everything, suspicious of it all. It wasn't that she lacked the ability to trust, she had just been given too many reasons to prevent her from doing it blindly. She needed evidence that her trust was being placed in something legitimate and that it would be cared for.

In reality, rather than the controlled police dog, she was probably one of the most torn and angry people she'd ever met. Beneath her focused, mission-oriented exterior was a girl lost in chaos. Her life had been about fairness, justice, and the golden rule but life had not treated her with the same respect. Doing the right thing always benefited someone else and left her on the side of the highway, punished for her altruism. It just didn't make sense in her head, she never knew which way to turn, and it sometimes pushed her to the brink of insanity. The angel on her shoulder told her to carry on, true to herself, and leave the anger behind. The devil on her shoulder told her that everything she faced proved being a good person didn't matter, that she should do just what she felt like in the moment. Some days the devil got the best of her and she became easily irritable, snapping at anyone that dared cross her. She felt betrayed by life and society and she wanted to make them pay. But in the end, the angel always won and no one ever paid. She couldn't sleep at night if harm had come to others at her hands, so none ever did. Knowing that it was not her place to deliver justice and that most never would be punished for any of the things they did made her absolutely livid. She wished that just for one night the angel would shut up and let the devil win for real.

This night she was close to getting her wish, the devil was winning. She was so angry she didn't know where to turn. She looked to the shower to calm her. She jerked the water on and caught a reflection of her contorted face in the mirror. It was flushed and her jaw tight as she clinched her teeth. Mad that her beauty had been stolen by those who angered her, she tore off her clothes and threw them on the floor. Before stepping into the water she put her long braid in to a bun with a claw clip. It pulled her hair slightly and scraped at her scalp. The unexpected pain made her smile.

She stayed in the shower for a long time, enjoying the hot water that she had made just slightly warmer than usual. It wasn't enough to burn her skin but it hurt a bit, just enough to fuel the devil that was raging inside. Her mind was in overdrive thinking up vengeful plots, creating mock arguments, urging her to punch one of the freshly tiled walls. It was only when the water grew cool that she was motivated to stop her internal tirade. Out of the shower and standing again in front of the mirror, she wished that her towel was wrapped around someone willing to carry out everything she had thought of instead of being wrapped around her. She knew the angel was trying to take over again.

A new mission was the only thing that could bring her down completely. The frown that had slid onto her face indicated that she had found one; her eyebrows were out of place. Putting her precious tweezers to use, she plucked stray hairs one by one to bring things back to the picture perfect way they should be. It still hurt every time she pulled a hair but it hurt just the way she wanted it to. The pain focused her again and allowed the angel to speak more clearly to her. She could sleep firm in her belief that they would pay, some day, in a way that was most deserved - even if it didn't come at her hands or if she never knew how.

Lost

It’s the middle of the night, I have an assignment due in 12 hrs, I'm incapable of work, and I'm still awake...Lost...

Several cigarettes and many more tears later...I'm still lost...

Since moving across the country to DC I've found myself with only 3 basic people I held dear and could not live without. In recent months I have lost 2 of them, to a degree. I have been met with distrust, betrayal, and harsh words from them both leaving me in shock that people I loved could wound me so deeply and without remorse. I couldn't tell you with a straight face that I still love them because I have built so many walls in reaction to them. I have been disappointed when they didn't meet expectations I had thought they were far above. I don't know how to come back from the distances we've grown apart or how to ignore the scars that will take time to heal.

The third and only real friend left is a quiet, good natured girl back in CA that is terribly unwilling to impose, just struggling to make ends meet while she worries about her man on his 4th tour since 9/11 and tries desperately to keep a mentally disturbed ex afloat without hurting herself. Naturally, she and I don't get as much time as either of us would like.

I have retreated into a cocoon of safety where no one can get close. My friends have become bloggers that I have grasped so tightly to that they probably think me insane. I'm pretty sure reading this you know who you are and I thank you for all your kindness. It has meant more than you will ever understand in the past months.

It feels wrong to walk away but I want something more for my life. Someone once said to me, "you have the whole rest of the world to be mean to, why me?" And I can't help but feel that way now about these two... Perhaps I would know how to heal if there were simple, sincere, apologetic words for the pain that has been exchanged were to be said... instead I have gotten flat expressions of the right thing to say... and somehow I stay...

Drinking Skill

Bacardi 151 Congratulations! You're 134 proof, with specific scores in beer (80) , wine (133), and liquor (60).

All right. No more messing around. Your knowledge of alcohol is so high that you have drinking and getting plastered down to a science. Sure, you could get wasted drinking beer, but who needs all those trips to the bathroom? You head straight for the bar and pick up that which is most efficient.

Not bad for a youngin...don'tcha think?

SugarLand

Oh, I swear this town gets smaller every day
And I'm waiting for my chance, I'm gonna break away
I'm so sick and tired of being told what's good for me
People got lots of ideas of who I'm supposed to be

Angel, carry me, oh so far away
May my body never touch the ground
And if I promise you I'll be back someday
Will you set me free, so I can fly away?
Fly away, fly away

Marine in Iraq

I received these photos from a Marine in Iraq that I have been corresponding with and was given his permission to post them here. I could write a long post about why I chose to post these but I think they speak for themselves. If you like them and want to send a comment to him, I'll be sure to pass it along. Enjoy!