A Swift Kick & A Band-Aid

Mormon Underwear...

... whoa... call me naive... say I was brought up under a rock... say what you will, but realize first that I honestly had no idea Mormons had special underwear... some sort of knee-length thing with thick fabric buttresses over the special places.. mainly the nipples and pubes.... again, all I can say is whoa... the thought of someone needing reinforcements over their extra-sensitive bits just boggles my mind... Mormons must have nipples of steel... but, I digress...

.. this post, in no way, is meant as disrespectful of Mormons.... actually, I've never even met a Mormon... and as such, I usually wait until I've met people before I start making fun of them... so, this is NOT making fun of Mormons... it's just me... trying vainly to understand why the vast majority of the population isn't going Commando.... after all, God created us naked... and even after Eve bit into that forbidden fruit and covered herself in fig leaves, God issued no great commandment about negligees.. gentile or not.... surely God's Underwear is nothing but fur resting securely against denim.... as it was in the beginning, right?... or at least fur against silk... or satin... or burlap...

.. damn... there I go again... digressing... see, I have just had an email exchange with Boudicca... and it is quite possible that it is the strangest exchange via the internet that I've ever had... which is saying a lot.... anyway, I was told something that I was honestly ignorant of... sure, the Blogosphere is full of freaks, geniuses, flashers, and ego-maniacs... but in all my years of corresponding with them, I've never stumbled upon the fact that Mormons have special underwear.... so, thank you, Bou... I don't know where I'd be without you... still, someone should have sent me the memo...

... anyway, to cut a long story even shorter, here's the deal... as a public service announcement, be it herein known, Mormons wear a body sock with reinforcements... pretty damn kinky, if you ask me.... and I, as you all know, am a sworn proponent of boycotting knickers in general... freedom, that's what God intended... flowing in the breeze, and knocking at your knees mid-thigh....

... and it is at such times as I am currently experiencing - this shocking revelation of Mormon underwear - that I question the validity of the religious way of life....

... what's my point?... well, as is often the case, I have none... other than to say that if the Mormons ever moved to the South, they'd be in for trying times... indeed, they'd either convert to a different religion, or die of heat stroke... now, I'm all for religious tolerance, but I have to say... even the Great State of Tennessee is not friendly to cotton knickers in July and August... much less full-body socks with reinforced nipple-covers.... chaffing, rashes, and dehydration await the Mormons that wanders South... it's a sore, but salient fact, people... it's not the heat down here, but the humidity that kills ya...

Headin' South

That's right - I'm headed to Mississippi to see what kind of trouble I can get into. Actually, it's family reunion time and despite not being from the South at all, we're all converging to take over Jackson for the weekend.
G-ma says it's going to be a dry reunion...hahaha....has she met us before? Does she not remember what the graduations and weddings have brought? Maybe she's just forgetful or perhaps it's wishful thinking.... but the cousins and I have other ideas...

For you readers, in exchange for your patience and faithfulness, I give you my blog dad, Eric. The SWG himself has offered to blog sit while I'm away so I will now leave you in his ever capable and entertaining hands.

...keys to the blog and a stocked liquor cabinet... wonder if he remembers to put pants on by the time I get back... maybe I should call first...

No Pressure

The guys over at The Llama Butchers have bestowed upon me a great honor... using their great powers of influence for evil they have suggested their readers become aquainted with this blog...

And what they say is true, I am a new Mu-Nu resident...and I am fond of doing a little arse-kicking from time to time... so I'll try not to let them down...

But, my running amok with stories of sex and dead people (but not sex with dead people...EW...) shall have to wait just a few days until I get back. Yes, I'm leaving again!

Have no worry though, I've got a great surprise for you all coming up later today.

Miss Intern

Just under a month since I applied for it, I have finally landed an internship.

Not just any internship though... a fantastically awesome internship...

I will be working on matters of international security pertaining to our foreign policy and military affairs. It could not be more perfect for what I have studied and what fascinates me in daily life.

The hardest part now is going to be waiting until January for it to start...

Silver Side of Life

I take it all back... July has actually brought to me some really good things... it wasn't until this afternoon that I finally realized it.

Sure, the accident sucked - but not one was really hurt...the drama after the accident isn't resolved yet - but it could be worse... the A/C being out sux but I am leaving again tomorrow - and I haven't had to endure it for the past week like my roommate has.

I was able to spend 2 weeks with mom and only once argue with her...
I was able to spend 2 weeks in town and not fight with Lil Bro...
KS came back into my life ...

And the best news of all I'll share with you all a little later... the real world gets to find out first. But come back in a few hours and you'll have the scoop too.

July

... is apparently not my month...

At 7:45a the outside temperature is 77 with 90% humidity...making it feel like 85 according to the weather gods. The temperature in my house is about equal. The A/C isn't working, I can't turn the fan on, my old thermostat is in pieces on the dining room table (as is the new one for some reason), there are tools all over my dining room, and I've heard nothing from the roommate or the landlord about what is going on.

... stupid July ...

Traveling Demons

...I meant to write children... wonder how that slipped past the proofreading...

Anyhow, I'm back in DC after a series of terrible customer service experiences with United Airlines and experiences of even greater horror with the little demons they allow to travel their planes.

Today reaffirmed several long-held beliefs of mine as well...
1) When you need the shuttle to arrive on time, it will inevitably arrive early
2) Never, ever, EVER fly a major airline unless you have to
3) Children Devil spawn should travel in the cargo hold where their screaming, crying, shreaking, babbling, putrid smelling, seat kicking, hair pulling, arm poking, window slamming selves cannot be noticed.

Weird-o-Meter

Ok, now we all know this test is flawed...I'm way weirder than this thing thinks I am!

You Are 20% Weird

Not enough to scare other people... But sometimes you scare yourself.

Is It Too Quiet Here?

I apologize for the blackhole that this blog has become in the past couple of days...I've been letting life simmer down a little and enjoying the newly found little things offered to me here.

We drove around looking at houses yesterday, seeing how the neighborhoods have changed since I left seven years ago. In fact, these past 11 days make up the greatest chunk of continuous time I have spent in this town since I left. Before today, I had never spent more than a few days at a time in this town since high school.

I had lunch with Lil Bro and his GF (so cute, btw) and then we went shopping with KS without buying anything...we got spa pedicures like it was our weekend routine and laughed together the whole day. I rediscovered that playing pool takes practice...just because your mom has one in her house, doesn't mean you know how to play... In fact, it was embarassingly bad. But KS was just as bad...so that just made it fun...

Unfortunately, I did end up cancelling my trip to San Diego. This close to home and I just couldn't quite make it happen. But I'll be back in October/November time frame for some more good times down there.

Thanks for hangin in there readers. For now, I must pack...

Moving Right Along

While there is still much drama from the accident and arrest that has not been resolved (and I'm sure I'll be bitching about that later), things are looking up in my part of the world.

I have gotten a few more moments with Dad and a lot more time to talk with Miss Kindred Spirit (KS from here on out).

I am tired and ready to close my eyes, so heavy with sleep I will be gone before my head hits the pillow for sure... but I am so happy to have spent the wee hours of the morning really talking. Not arguing, not trying to one up the other with a new story, not convincing anyone on a point of view, not bad mouthing someone who screwed the pooch... just talking...

Those good times really can wear you out though... peace!

Hermaphroditic Blog?

Apparently I'm #3 for a google search on "cat with big balls"...Interesting...I'm pretty sure I'm a chick...

But maybe my blog is a hermaphrodite and I didn't know?
Now that'd be a little embarassing... after all this time...

Kindred Spirit

Last night I had the opportunity to have dinner with the only person I still know from high school. It was the best dinner I have had in ages.

The food was food...nothing all that great. It was talking with her again after so long like we had never spent a day apart...sitting across from the table and realizing she is a kindred spirit I have missed in my life so desperately these past few years...it was the comfort I felt when she said in her own words the things I have felt so alone in feeling sometimes...

She is a smart, talented, beautiful woman that I feel privileged to know and selfish for not supporting all this time. This time, I hope we stay in touch...

Lawyer

Dear readers, I need your help...

If anyone knows a lawyer in the area of Joshua Tree, CA please let me know ASAP. I need to be in touch with them immediately to help resolve issues surrounding the aforementioned warrant.

Thanks!

All Hell Broke Loose

For the first time in a couple of days, I have a little bit of peace and time to explain what has kept me away. In short, Tuesday was a horrible place to be. Period.

It didn't start out all that bad. That morning a friend of mine also on vacation in LA borrowed his girlfriend's car and came up from downtown to visit. We had breakfast, took a little tour of town, bought his girlfriend's daughter a Care Bear, got the car washed, went to the Reagan Library...it was a relaxing day with someone I hadn't seen in years. We were just killing time together and having a good time.

And then...all hell broke loose...

On our way to see a movie we got our directions turned around and we never made it to the theater. While trying to turn around a truck traveling far too fast hit the front of the car we were using. The driver was a kid from the high school I went to that got out of the truck already screaming. His mom traveling in the opposite direction showed up just seconds later and joined him in screaming out orders of who to call and what he needed to do. My friend and I didn't talk to them. They had never heard of the words calm or rational.

A few seconds later a woman walks out of her house to tell us she called the police. Not a minute later they were on the scene...bringing with them fire trucks and an ambulance. For a non-injury accident there were 5 officers, 2 fire trucks, and an ambulance.

The front end of the truck was damaged and plastic pieces from it had flown everywhere. It had no crumpling and could easily still be driven. The point of impact on our car was almost directly the left front tire. The car was kneeling down with the wheel well so deformed the tire was unable to rotate. Both vehicles were towed before anyone asked us how we felt about it or where we wanted it taken.

I called my dad who couldn't help but he called my mom and Lil Bro who both left work to do what they could. I stood there not knowing what to do...I had never been in an accident before.

While I was trying to arrange a way for us to get back to my mom's house I had three people standing around me, closing me in, wanting my attention. I hung up the phone and they all started talking at once. When I tried to answer I couldn't help but start crying. My heart was racing, my friend was holding his neck, an officer was rudely questioning my friend, and I couldn't do anything. It was a massive test of my compulsive need to organize and direct a situation to resolution.

Most of what happened in the middle of things I missed because I was taken to the ambulance. Paramedics were concerned about what might happen as a result of my anxiety and they acted like I was in hysterics. They took my pulse, pressure, and then put me on a heart monitor before they would let me sign AMA papers.

By the time they let me out the kid's entire family was there watching. He was whining that his truck was no good, that it was done, and it had been totally ruined. The same officer that had been rudely questioning my friend was still harassing him. The registration was missing and he couldn't reach his girlfriend at work. The officer repeatedly questioned if he was on probation or on drugs. None of the officers wanted to talk to me. My family kept calling, sometimes at the same time. I stood on the side of the road trying to get my family to stop calling and just coordinate within themselves while my friend tried desperately to reach the owner of the car and the police kept running searches on him.

My brother showed up just as the car was being towed away and the rude officer was taking down my name and address. Within minutes of the officer obtaining that information (and nothing else from me) another officer came up behind my friend and asked him to put his hands behind his back. He was under arrest because there was a warrant for his arrest in a county 4 hrs away. He asked that the contents of his pockets be given to me, the officer complied, and then he was gone.

I stood there in shock. I knew where he was going and how much his bail would be but I had no idea why he was leaving. He had never been read his rights or the reason for the warrant explained. Suddenly he was gone, the officers talking to one another in the middle of the street, and the whole thing was over. Not once did an officer ask me if I had a place to go or a way to get there despite knowing I was from out of town.

I walked to my brother's car as the police looked on... the car's owner finally called back and I couldn't do anything but tell her that her only car had been disabled and that her boyfriend had been arrested ... a motorcycle cop tailed my brother most of the way down the freeway as he drove me to mom's house ... I had no idea the day could get worse...

He had been arrested around 2:30p - It took me the remainder of the day to get him out of jail. I had to wait 1.5 hours before there was a record of him in the system and it wasn't until then that he got his phone call to tell me again how much his bail would be. The officer in the background told him he could leave as soon as his fingerprints done, his pictures were taken, and I paid his bail. We left immediately and my credit card was run at 5:44p and I was told to wait for the other paperwork. It arrived 2 hours later. I signed it and was told it would be another 6-8 hours before he would be released.

Mom and I went to get dinner and kill a little time before calling to check on him. No one would answer the phone so we drove back to ask in person. The answer was "about another hour, if that." So we unsuccessfully went to look for coffee and came back 45 mins later. A party for a departing deputy was announced over some kind of intercom system...which aggravated both mom and me. An hour later my friend was finally released, at just before midnight.

The legitimacy of his warrant is still in question. It was issued because the computer claims he didn't pay a fine from 1998. He says he paid it but I don't know if he can prove it. His bail is subject to forfeiture because failure to pay the fine was considered violation of a court order. He has to get the court's permission to leave the state and return home to Brooklyn. And the way things stand, he has to come back again for a court date in the beginning of August...something nearly impossible to do in his career field.

The car owner got her registration from the DMV Wed morning but it took all day to get the car released from the towing company. It now sits at an auto place where my dad takes his vehicles. We don't know what it will cost to fix, if it is worth it, or how long the owner will be able to borrow other people's cars.

My friend and the owner went back to her place last night but damn near nothing is resolved and it feels like my body is coming up with new aches and pains by the hour.

Tuesday is my new least favorite day...

Hiatus

I apologize for the recent lack of updates...
A non-medical but very complicated emergency situaton has kept me away. I will hopefully be back soon.

Revenge

More than anything (besides snakes), I HATE spiders...especially the black or brown ones. They are creepy, crawly, and all kinds of hibblie jibblie. I've written before about them and their death warrant that is signed the moment they enter my house. Last night a rather large spider found out that when I say my house, I mean the house I'm staying in, and I mean business. So here's the story...

First night I'm here, there's a spider at eye level on the wall...mom kills it.

Next night, spider in the middle of the floor...mom kills it. I go to my room to go to bed, move the pillow, and the spider hiding underneath scurries across the bed, underneath the other one. I of course, freak the hell out. The evil army of eight legged repulsion crossed an unforgivable line...no one defiles my bed unless I say so... Mom and I ripped the bed apart, picking up the mattress and everything, but to no avail... the offender cannot be found. Only after all the bedding is shaken and the pillows pounded on the floor am I able to get into bed...and even then I hardly slept.

Next night, spider looking creature on the floor...it was some other bug unlucky enough to be seen by me... mom killed it.

Last night, I am tired and I am more than ready to go to bed. I perform what is now a ritual of moving the pillows and shaking them before I can get into bed...nothing happens...I think I am safe. I was wrong.

I grab my PJ top off the bed, turn it right side out, and pull it on over my head. I walk to the door to turn off the light when I feel something tickle. It wasn't a normal tickle. It was the kind of tickle that made my mind immediately freak out while hoping I'm just a paranoid psycho. Nope... I tug at my shirt to make the tickling stop and out plops the previous bedroom offender...he's big enough to have identifiable mass... I am shuddering at the realization that the evil doer didn't just get near me...it was on me...it touched me...it tickled me!

This could not stand! I look around the room and find my homicidal weapon of choice...the 3 inch heel big black boot...

In one motion I move the bag it had crawled under and swing down with the boot. It is a loud, satisfying thump on the carpet that sheers off a couple of legs and leaves its body slightly crumpled. But that is not enough for me. I must have revenge!

Several angry blows later, I emerge from my homicidal rage and bitterly tell mom of the unspeakable offenses and the spider's rightful demise. But still, I slept horribly... in fear that more are lurking... and may now have my number...

Family Dinner, pt. 2

After a stressful day of chit chat and ignoring the necessary organization of the junk I've crapped up my mom's house with... I had sushi with Dad and Lil Bro. There was much less trauma inflicted during this dinner. Well, on me at least. Lil Bro was still reeling from the info revealed to him last night while Dad and I just laughed at him for it. The night was pretty uneventful overall though...

The sushi chef was perturbed with Dad's attempts at 'enjoying sushi correctly' according to some posh article from NY...

I was perturbed with his attempt to get me to speak Japanese with the chef and his insistence that I must know how to speak fluently because I lived in Japan...

Lil Bro was honing his OCD skills...

but the food was good and it was on Dad's card... that always makes any food taste taste better...

I'll take it as a good night.

New Perspective

I spent most of last night putting a box of pictures in some semblance of chronological order and then into photo albums for better storage...and it was a horrible experience...

I have an entirely new perspective on my awkward early teens and how it came to be that I had no real friends to speak of... and it is even worse than the way I have remembered it all these years.

In my mind, I was just a loner & an outsider trying to break into established cliques as the new kid...

These pics show it was far more than that... I was three times the size most girls my age... both taller and an obese child... skin as pale as milk... clothing meant for women decades older than myself that would have been unattractive and terribly out of fashion for a woman of any age or size... hair without even a remote hint of organization or understanding of good looks... huge ugly glasses that cut into my cheeks when I smiled... If you looked at most of these pics and didn't know a thing more about me, you'd say I was the neighborhood window licker... with a permanent seat on the short bus...

Part of me wants to burn the pictures and another part of me wants to just sit on the floor and cry... the voice in my head is screaming 'why didn't anyone tell me?!?' Children are mean to one another... especially when someone isn't 'normal'... I know first hand...

I suppose I should just be happy that I was an ugly duckling that grew out of it...but some days when I look in the mirror, I still see the duckling...

Being in LA is depressing...

Family Dinner, pt. 1

Lil Bro came over to mom's house for dinner tonight...it quickly became one of the most scarring moments of my young adult life... Examples?

... Lil Bro has size issues with condoms... EW!

... Lil Bro takes after my dad... shudder

... Dad wasn't known to give a subpar performance... hibblie jibblie

You see? TMI...way too much TMI! So now I have to go poke out my ear drums with Q-tips and scratch out my mind's eye with a dull knife...

That's Blogging?

"Is that what people do with their blogs?" mom asked me this morning. I just laughed...

Before running errands this afternoon I sat giggling at a few of my favorite blogs but their content made mom turn her head sideways rather quizzically. People writing about dreams, classmates, and neighbors just didn't quite appeal to her. Milbloggers don't hold her attention and geeky talk is just over her head. She doesn't understand what a blogmeet is, she's concerned a fellow blogger may kill me (if I meet him/her in real life), and she doesn't understand why people would take the time to write all of this stuff down...

Because we like to, dear mother...because we want to share our thoughts or information, because we saw something super cool, because we want to promote tourism in our neck of the woods, or maybe because we can be free on the internet from the confinement life sometimes offers...

but most of all, it's still because we like to...

But, unconvinced of the satisfaction a blog can bring, she still thinks it's because we have too much time on our hands...

Pack Rat Overload

I've been sorting through boxes of my things over the past two days and I have discovered I am a much worse pack rat than I ever previously admitted. First off, the boxes seem to be more like bottomless pits. Second, I have no idea why I have some of this stuff...

...notes from college classes I took in '99 and '00... that I still must check to make sure there is nothing uber useful in them (completely ignoring the fact that I haven't needed in the last 5 yrs...)

...unfinished holiday projects from grade school... that I am somehow telling myself I will finish and then put on a garage sale... (what?)

...more keychains than the number of keys I have ever had in my life... that I'm pretty sure I can part with... (as long as I don't look at them a second time... )

...half used coloring books... that I am sort of sure I can part with... (but I am sad to see my wonderful handy work going away... )

...and the most bizzare... a mold of my upper teeth... Yep, that's right...a dentist quality model of my upper teeth... weird...

Back to the salt mines though...the trash pile isn't big enough yet...

Family Time

Ok, so family time is a little weird now that we're all making an effort to learn how to get along as individual adults...

Dad now 'pretends' he doesn't know what I'm talking about when Lil Bro and I mention the word beaver...

Mom asks me if her thong is showing & if I'd go bra shopping with her...

and still kids say the funniest things...as I was telling Lil Bro about my visit with SWG & Wife and their respective accents I was terrified I would accidentally repeat and offend them with, he jumped in with..."but that's perfect for you...you're Scottish and you're into that hick thing..." Apparently a cowboy hat, country music, and a few uncultured dates here and there makes me 'into that hick thing'...hehehe

Ah...family time...nothing else like it in the world...

Got Balls?

As we were leaving the Dodger game tonight (and dodging traffic on our way back to the car) I crossed paths with a big black truck given a hefty lift...an obvious dune junkie...with lots of badass paraphernalia...and a big set of black balls hanging off the back...

It was the funniest thing I saw all night...

So, does your ride got balls?

Batteries

I don't own a laptop and probably would have left it at home even if I did...airport security gives me enough trouble as it is... they are apparently sketched out by my efficient packing methods that enable me to cram far more than you'd believe I could into a carry on bag. And somehow doing a chemical swab on it tells them I'm not carrying an efficiently packed bomb...or something...

Anyway...

At 38,000 feet, I was glad I finally listened to that little voice in my head and packed a small pad of paper and a pen. It's old fashioned, I know...but the urge to blog strikes at its will, not our own...and I was ready this time.

In a plane full of unusually loud and chatty passengers (and a set of screaming triplets), I was surprisingly un-annoyed. Instead I was awed...that I went against my better economic sense and my rationalization that it wasn't that important and bought batteries for my CD player (yes, I know, I'm behind the times...you don't see a pattern here?) Was it by chance that I easily and un-begrudgingly paid $5 for 4 batteries that have allowed me to slip into my own cocoon of peace? Or was there something more at work? Did my subconscious predict a late flight would yield more annoyances than my usual flights?

I was amazed and thankful for batteries last night... in an oddly wholesome kind of way...

On the Ground

I've landed at LAX, been completely sketched out by the rundown state of terminal 3 and the variety of third world countries that appear to be fighting for sovereign control, and braved mom's driving...I only almost died twice...so it was a good night on the freeways...

Kitty was happy to see me and promptly got fur all over my shirt...which is ok because he's old and cute and I never get to see him.

But now I'm going to bed...

Ready To Go

For the first time in a VERY long time I was damn near packed and ready to head to the airport last night, almost 24 hours before I even need to be in line for security. I haven't stressed out and stayed up all night, or even lost a wink of sleep...What is this world coming to?

With all my extra time I have been trying to tidy up the house a little. Doing the dishes I've neglected, tossing the trash that will stink when I get back in two weeks, and trying to clean out the fridge. Sounds fun, right?

Though, I talked to Dad and Lil Bro for a while too. Lil Bro is trying to get cleared to go back to work after his fall on Tuesday morning and Dad is running around like a wild man with company visitors in town and the sudden death of a close coworker's father. I'm avoiding Mom for the time being. She's very stressed out about work and the airport always makes that worse. It was important to her that she pick me up instead of depending on my Dad so she will be picking me up tonight ... and I think that's about all I can take of her for today. I love her but she is hard to take in sudden and/or large doses.

I generally dread going to LA because there are so many bad memories there, so much sadness, and an overwhelming sense of failure. I don't have any high school friends left to speak of either. On top of all that, I am going there this trip to sort through the remaining contents of the life I used to have in San Diego and I still miss so terribly.

But I am hopeful that things will be different this time. Tomorrow night, Dad, Lil Bro & GF, and I will go to a Dodgers game together...something we have never done before. We generally don't do more than have dinner together and don't make each other that important. In fact, Lil Bro has never trusted me to even meet any of his romantic interests before. So...I'm ready to go...and waiting to see what the next week has to offer.

Poker Face

...I haven't got one...do you? I do however have a pretty good, albeit brief, trackrecord when it comes to playing Texas Hold 'Em.

The first time I played was about a year and a half ago. The boys loaned me chips so I could play (it was only nickle, dime, quarter) and I had a little help from one of the wives. In less than two hours the boys were so tired of playing against a newb that just wouldn't give up and lose, they ended up just calling the game. I took my chips, paid back what I had borrowed, and walked away with $11.

A few weeks ago I joined my roommate for a small tournament he hosts at our place every couple of weeks. This time there were just four of us playing with a $10 buy in. I was so rusty on poker they had to tell me the hands and write down their hierarchy. We played 2 hands no bets, cards up...just to get me reaquainted. In a matter of an hour I managed to become the chip leader while taking out my roommate and one of the other guys. Ultimately I lost to the last guy but I walked away without losing a penny. Not bad for a newb against 3 experienced players that assumed they'd be robbing me of my $10, easy.

Muwahahaha...Nothing makes a girl's day like sending the boys home pouting...

Almost Home

In just about a week I will be returning home. Seeing the parents for a week first but knowing I'm going home to this makes the torture family time in LA more bearable.

Granted, it will be a very short visit...but being home is being home...and I'll take what I can get.

Downers

Today just isn't working out to be a very happy day here in the land of the Princess...

1) I was again up WAY too early...and out of the house by 6am... Which is especially not fun in my current state of temporary illness. At least I got a little more sleep later though.

2) Drama...I'm just going to leave it at that.

3) A thunderstorm is on its way so Shiela will be out of service until it passes. I just can't risk what migh happen to her with all the power fluctuations we get when it rains.

4) I have to pack. Packing is the bane of my existance. I know it means I get to go somewhere fun but I hate packing. But I leave for Cali tomorrow...so I have no choice but to pack... dammit...

I'll be back later - hopefully in a better mood...

UPDATE: I guess there's just something in the cards today...trying to get a bowl out of the cupboard for lunch I ended up breaking one of my roommate's dishes on the counter. Guess I'll be avoiding any major stunts today...

Help For Lil Bro

Last night I got a somewhat disturbing voicemail from my dad...seems Lil Bro was at work yesterday and just passed out for no good reason.* He hit his head on a filing cabinet, chipped a tooth, and put a big gash in his forehead. At the hospital his blood pressure was only 95/50...and he's 6'3"...

I had a similar episode happen to me when I was in college. I've had dizzy spells for years but this time I actually passed out in the shower. I came within inches of hitting my head on the sink as I fell out of the shower and ended up with massive bruises all over the left side of my body. I was scared shitless...but the guy I was dating didn't think I needed to go to the hospital. I had seen a neurologist before that but he couldn't explain what was making me nearly pass out and remain so weak. Despite continued dizziness, I haven't passed out since then.

Hopefully docs can find an answer to what made Lil Bro go down...otherwise I think we are both destined to have it happen again. I am worried about him though...he has never experienced this before and can't yet recognize the warning signs enough to keep himself from getting hurt. Please keep him in your thoughts and pray they can figure this out before he gets seriously injured.

*I haven't asked about if he had eaten, but I assume I would have been told if that was a contributing factor.

Give Up The Juice

Blackfive is bringing to our attention today the blood shortage facing our medical centers and the quality of patient care.

He's a smart man...so go do what he says...find a donation center most convenient to you and use it! Because when it comes right down to it, giving up a pint of your juice could mean the difference between life and death to someone else.

Who knows...you might even meet someone cute at the cookies & juice table... what's hotter than a cutie helping others? Ok, maybe a cutie taking a nap with you cuz the lack of blood made you sleepy...

Wait...Why are you still reading? GO!!

Rachel Ray

As I was reading FHM this morning (hey, sometimes a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do) I found the Food Network's perky little Rachel Ray in a tiny little pic in one of their letters sections. WHAAA? Rachel Ray posed for FHM? You betcha! And as their article says, she's a veteran of their pages.

Interestingly enough though, you can't find her pictures on the FHM website. If you search for her there, you won't find her. Several sites have links to what used to be her page but the FHM website claims it isn't there. Not to worry...this guy was kind enough to have copies of the spread instead of broken links. Enjoy boys...

And if you can stand to see her with more clothes on and talking (I know that's asking a lot) you can see her on one of three Food Network shows: 30 Minute Meals, $40 a Day, Inside Dish...

Actually, don't tell anybody, but I mute her too... so go for it! No sense in you boys having to listen to her talk if she's going to insist on being clothed on her TV shows...

Quotes

I'm thinking about changing the quotes on the sidebar to things people have to say about me ... anyone have anything they'd like to say?

Jabba the Squirrel

...And Stay Out!

You heard me...get out and stay out!

That's precisely how I feel about dogs. Am I a dog hater? Am I more of a cat person? No - I love dogs ... outside. I had a wonderful German Shepard as a kid. She had a fenced yard and a dog house...and that's where she belonged. She grew a thick coat in the winter and loved to play in the snow. In the summer she had plenty of shade and water. She was never without something to entertain her...including my brother and me...she was never neglected on our watch.

But, as much as I loved her, there was no good reason her, or any other dog, to live inside. The oils in their skin and coat are damaging to fabric (not to mention nasty smelling), they become emotionally needy by being so closely attached to their owners, they can't be left for an entire day without worry of 'accidents' or boredom...I could go on and on...

If you don't live in a place where your dog can live outside...maybe you shouldn't have a dog. How fair is it that you leave it cooped up all day while you go about your business? And don't get me started on people that take their dog everywhere they go... CUT THE CORD!

If your 'dog' is too scrawny or meek to be outside, you don't have a dog. You have a rat with a short tail and presumably more fur. Get a real dog.

Build a fence, build a doghouse with your kids, put your dog outside, and take back your house.

For The Birds

As long as I can remember I have had pets. But in college I could never have any that lived with me...apartments never allowed for a cat or a dog. For my 22nd birthday I got a fish tank. It satisfied me for a while but fish are hard to play with. I still really wanted a pet I could interact with. One of my managers had a lovebird that she wanted to get rid of so I took it off her hands.

Big mistake... Birds SUCK... No matter how cute they seem in the store I will never own one ever again...unless I can stick him in a room far far away from where I spend the majority of my time...

Anyhow, this bird ended up being called Little Fucker because he never shut up and if you let him out to fly around the apartment, he shit on everything. Not cool.

First of all, it was a single lovebird. They are supposed to be kept in pairs but no way in hell was I spending money on another bird when I didn't even know if I would like the first one.

Second, she had it in a tweety bird cage. Apparently lovebirds go a little insane in round cages...according to some book I read. So I found a large, square cage that someone was giving away and gave it a new home.

He didn't seem to care about these improvements, his toys, or his food. He ended up being cool for only four forms of entertainment... 1) he 'sang along' to Pink Floyd, 2) he danced in the sink when the water was running, 3) it was pretty funny to watch the cat chase him and tackle him to the ground,* 4) he would hump the shit out of one of his toys...which was funny except it had a bell on it...

Little Fucker ended up going home with a semi-psycho bird infatuated couple for about $50. I sold the cage to another family for $90. So, minus what I spent on the bird's stuff, I probably made at least $100 off the sucker.

But I tell you what...I'll have a whole house full of birds before I even think about letting a live snake into my house...

*My mom's indoor, de-clawed cat came to stay with me for a month and never actually hurt the bird.

Poverty

With all this talk of the G-8 and the music channels running repeats of Live 8, I decided I need to do something to help end poverty in Africa...and I'm asking for your help...

Readers, I bring you the Princess Cat Cock Ring...

Buy one today!
For your pleasure...
for your woman...
for the children...

Early Morning Work

I was up bright and early this morning...so of course I was grumpier than usual...and faced with the task of tidying up my house...which brightened my mood right up. Huh? Yeah, I wouldn't by that line either. Cleaning, the downstairs at least, had to be done but I wasn't happy about it. Why, you ask? Well, I don't like morning..I don't like to clean... Oh, you mean why did it have to be done this morning? Because today's interview (which went really well, I think, btw) was conducted in my home.

So now the dishes are done & put away, the kitchen cleaned & clutter gone, the boxes all put away, my personal junk in my room, the junk mail trashed & kitchen table cleared, my living room looks mighty nice...and I'm free to do whatever I damn well please for the rest of the day...

Who knew cleaning chemicals actually worked before noon...

Peace

I was bored one evening as I waited for my shuttle to take me home from the airport. I took out my camera and just started snapping. The pictures weren't coming out the way I wanted them to and I was getting frustrated. I was aggravated with the way things felt so out of my control in the rest of my life as well. The pic below was the last one I took that evening. And it is my favorite one of them all.

(click to enlarge)

The pic struck me when I took it, and if you make it large enough on screen it still does, as the essence of what I struggle so hard to find in the turmoil of my life...moments of peace. As the cars are speeding past and the barriers are locking me you in - imagery that easily represents the rapid pace of life, the unending drama, and the course I must plod along to succeed - there is still peace, standing still behind it all.

If you look at just the right moment, in just the right way, there you will find it...peace...

Trauma

I simply cannot bear to blog today. Personal trauma aside, the torture that the UK is feeling following the attacks in London weighs heavily on my heart.

Please go visit those from the UK or those with friends and family and be their support right now. Eric has linked several places you can go to keep up.

Chatting

How come more bloggers don't chat with each other on AIM/MSN/etc?

Maybe they just don't have that kind of time...
Or maybe it would sort of ruin the point of blogging...

Who knows.

It'd be nifty though...

Wrong Numbers

My last three missed calls on my cell phone are from numbers I don't know. One from a CA number, one from a PA number, and one from a VA number near where I live. None of them left voicemails.

Oh man does that piss me off...

Wrong numbers? Who knows...

UPDATE: Maybe I should answer my phone more often. The VA number called back ... it was for an important interview this Friday.

Paula Deen

I am an absolute Food Network junkie. I love Alton Brown's wackiness, the factory tours of Unwrapped, trying to understand the Japanese of Iron Chef, putting Rachel Ray on mute while I try to steal ideas from her...but most of all, I LOVE Paula Deen. There is just no way you can watch her show and not at least smile a little on the inside. That woman is the cheeriest, most genuine person I have ever seen on TV.

She's a little plump (like I expect anyone telling me how great the food is should be) but doesn't ever act like it bothers her. She always has herself together, coordinated on the show, and simply does not make a mistake. She's warm and inviting...with her Savannah accent...she's the stereotype of a perfect Southern mother. Hell, I'd marry one of her sons just to have her as my mother-in-law.

I wouldn't be so convinced she's a genuine delight if I hadn't seen her wedding show. They followed her around as she was preparing to get married. She was excited about marrying her neighbor, overwhelmed with all the preparations, and discouraged about her weight when it came to the dress. Superwoman needed help and even in her moments of frazzle, she reached out for that help without acting like she was losing a part of herself.

And I simply laughed out loud when the woman making the cake offered her a sample..."You offer a fat girl cake, you think she's gonna turn it down?" What woman hasn't said that in her head?

If you haven't seen her show, go watch it. She'll brighten your day.
I hope that someday I can live up to even a fraction what this amazing woman is. And if I had kids, I couldn't think of a stronger, lovelier, more exemplary role model for them (on TV, that is).

Travelin Fool

Two swipes of the credit card later, I have the rest of my July planned.

Next Thursday I'll be flying back to Cali and staying for 12 glorious days. Most of them near the San Fernando Valley (ick) to sort through stuff the 'rents are storing for me but a few will be spent in beautiful San Diego. Have I mentioned how much I love going home?

Just two days after I return from that adventure I will be whisked off to lovely (?) Jackson, MS via the Memphis airport for a terrific weekend adventure family reunion.

Hopefully I'll still be blogging most of those days. Let me know if you are a blogger in any of these areas that would like to rescue me from my family grab a drink.

3 Years

Today is the 3rd anniversary of the day I opened myself to the public eye and began writing what I then called an online journal. I didn't even know what a blog was. I had a geocities website that a few people visited now and then but I was writing for me, to keep me sane. I already had a lot on my plate but suddenly I was served seconds...

On my 22nd birthday, at a sushi restaurant with my brother and father, in the middle of one of the same blow out sibling rivalry fights I grew up with, my brother stormed out and pouted in the car. At that moment my dad told me my mom had been diagnosed with breast cancer.* A month later, I wrote my first entry that you see below because I felt I had no where else to turn.

07.05.02 21:30 PST

Music: Default – “Sick and Tired”
Mood: There isn’t a word for this emotion

Do you ever have one of those moments where all you want to do is throw up? Welcome to my evening.
Talking to mom was strange. Its like nothing is happening to her, nothing is wrong; she is just going about her normal life. For all the bonding she wants to do she sure has a funny way of showing it. I know she just wants to protect us and that she worries but it only makes it harder to deal with this situation when she acts like it doesn’t exist. Chemo isn’t like getting your nails done or your hair cut. It’s a big fucking deal. It isn’t just another appointment in your life but she talks as if it were a trip to K-mart on her lunch break. I just want to scream at her, “Be real for a minute, Mom! Don’t lie to protect me and don’t hide your fear from yourself.” Of all the things I’m angry about I think I’m most angry about how betrayed I feel in this. This doesn’t happen to my family and if it does it certainly doesn’t happen like this. Sure, I have my issues when it comes to dealing with stress but don’t fucking lie to me. I’d rather see the real situation than some sugar-coated world that will only come crashing down someday. I just feel even more pushed away when she pretends. I’m a big girl and I deserve the chance to deal with hardship. How else will I know how in the future? I’d rather be cheering her up, making her laugh about her pain, giving her a hug when she cries, telling her it will all be ok – this denial is killing me. I know she is hurting and I know she is scared. I have seen the pain and I have seen the tears. But apparently her strength comes from denying those emotions, in front of other people at least. I have resigned to be non-confrontational and keep my pain from her but it only drives me farther from the person who is supposed to need me more than ever right now. My support is false, merely a presence that comforts her, and a sham of a bond that shall break with the gentlest tug – but as she wishes….

I remember that night like it was yesterday. I wish blogging had started differently but regardless of why, I'm glad that I did. Even still I get discouraged and disheartened though. So thank you to those of you who have helped keep me going all this time...Blue, Wulfy, Gecko, Fern, LW, Creav, Dom, Casper, Cowboy, Ares, Eric...even though some of you aren't really around anymore, I owe you more than you'll ever know.

*Mom is now in full remission and healthier than she's been in decades.

Inspiration

I'm fresh out of inspiration today...well, I suppose I have been for a while now...

Today, though, is day one of week one of doing whatever the hell I feel like... I think I'll go work on a puzzle. It's been a while since I worked on one of those. Perhaps something nifty to write about will pop into my head while I'm concentrating on the little pictures.

Now what the hell am I supposed to do with it once it's finished?

UPDATE (1:06p): Nothing super inspiring yet. Except, I noticed Bob Barker sounds a lot like Futurama's Professor Farnsworth when you aren't really paying attention to the TV.

Fireworks

Just in case you can't get enough of your fireworks this evening...have some at home from this site! Go click away in the black space on the page.
Just don't let the Gunner's Mate from your local Navy ship get a hold of this... I made that mistake once and he played with it for hours. The boom is kind of nice on the subwoofer though... ENJOY!

Happy 4th

I got this e-mail from Capt Bourland in Iraq and could think of no better way to blog about the 4th. What better man to speak of freedom than one who knows what that fight feels like? When I asked him if I could post his letter he replied, "No problem, Go for it. Kick butt and take names." Hehehe...will do...

Happy Fourth of July! You’re Marines are conducting operations throughout Iraq continuing the hunt for insurgents and terrorist so that they will no longer intimidate the US or anyone else. Additionally they continue to rebuild the war torn country and train the Iraqi Army to defend their homeland.

That’s how I was going to start this email until I got a letter from a friend who was injured and returned to the states. He told me how “Around here you wouldn't know a war is going on” and “I really think that we will be an afterthought once we return”. How could that be I thought. I know we are not in the news much except for the quick blurp about “another service member was killed in Iraq today, now for the weather”. As many of you have said why doesn’t the press cover the good stuff of what’s happening there? You guess is as good as mine.

All of the Coalition forces here are kicking butt. Just as our for fathers did when this great country declared its independence July 4th 1776 from Great Britain. Since then America has been going strong and taking names. Your service members go forth and continue to do great things despite of what the general populace is or what people think we should or should not do. We don’t write policy but we are the first to enforce it. I know my friend above probably didn’t see the entire pie but the fact that he saw that piece made an impression. ALL of you are a vital piece in the success of our mission. All of you need to continue to support your troops, fight what is bad and unjust and like our forefathers and stand for what is right. Not just on the 4th of July but all the time. America is the land of the free, and home of the brave. We cant make Iraq or Afghanistan like America overnight but we will establish their country and perhaps make them feel chills when they hear their National Anthem like I do when I hear mine. You can help in doing this by supporting your warriors!

Despite what the press says or how it looks to some when they ask themselves why do we have American forces over there? We are helping other countries to be free, to be One nation indivisible and “a republic for which it stands” so they can be a free country as well. If this takes us kicking terrorist butt to do it, so be it. We are the Marines for the job and our 4th will be special in its own way.

I love this country, what it stands for, and what it will always be, America, land of the free. So when you are celebrating your Fourth of July holiday and watching the fireworks know in you heart that brave men and women will not let you down and we will keep the wolf a bay and keep America free.

Semper Fidelis and God Bless America.

Comments

Are any other Munuvians having a problem with their comments? Some of mine aren't emailing to me for some reason...

Little Buggers!

Men's Health

In a search for inspiration, otherwise known as a bout of boredom, I picked up the August copy of Men's Healthy magazine off the end table and began reading. Ok...so I was really just looking at the pictures of chiseled men in skimpy clothing...but that's not what this post is about...

In an inset box on page 154 titled "Stop It. Right Now" it lists Blogging at #15. What the hell? Who is this guy to tell me I should stop blogging? According to his 16 point piece, blogging is one of those things that is a waste of time. In fact he says, "Simple: eliminate these activities and streamline your world." Uh...dude...I like my world to include blogging. I don't particularly need to streamline my life so much that I have created a time saving schedule for every exact moment of my day. I'll save time on my errands and bill paying...maybe even my exercise routines...but leave the rest of my life alone, ok?

Clearly this guy just doesn't get blogging...

Hell Yeah, I'm American

You Are 89% American

You're as American as red meat and shooting ranges. Tough and independent, you think big. You love everything about the US, wrong or right. And anyone who criticizes your home better not do it in front of you!

I guess the remaining percent is the honorary Asian in me...

Drinking

I'm sure this is news to everyone else in the 'sphere but sitting here with my wine tonight I have finally realized why drinking is so beneficial to society...

You simply just don't care quite as much.

I am known to be slightly high strung at times and somewhat overly concerned with what people think of my words and actions. However, Mr. Carolina is right, I am always up for a drink. I'm not quite sure though that Mr. Alabama is right though when he says I am the "Coyote Ugly" chick of grad school with something to prove and always willing to get a little crazy. When I've had even a couple of drinks, I simply don't think about the fact that people may disapprove. Now, that doesn't make me a completely disrespectful bitch or anything...I'm just saying, I feel a little bit better about who I am without the pressures of properness weighing so heavily upon me.

So go, my readers, have a drink...your day will be just a little bit brighter...or at least mine will be...

Plastic Children

Flipping through the multitude of TV channels I stumbled onto a plastic surgery show. Awesome... Except I missed all the good parts. No blood, no guts, nothing even close to disgusting... except for the people getting the surgery... They were kids.

I understood why one of the girls got surgery, she had severe facial deformaties that impeded her daily life. The youngest girl was still somewhat understandable, she had her ears pinned back because they were so prominant. But the other two girls, both in high school...they just made me sad. One had a breast reduction, the other had an enlargement. Not even 18 yet, not even done growing up, and already taking a knife to their bodies.

It reminded me of my days in high school where girls got boob jobs and Daddy's Bimmer for their sweet 16. Never being taught that they can love their bodies or that life doesn't operate at their pace. They escape the reality that they have to work for things that they want and the idea that not getting everything you want is ok sometimes. I couldn't look at these girls without feeling a little sick to my stomach.

But maybe I'm just being pushy with my sense of right and wrong...

A New Sister

Last night, much to my surprise, I got a call from blog-daddy, Eric...In fact, I was so stunned by the unexpected encounter I could hardly speak... but he was calling with great news...

The family has grown and I have a new blog-sister! Go visit her blog, Chou Chope and be nice or you'll be answering to me!

I've learned what it's like to be the baby with Christina as my big blog-sis but now I get to learn what it's like to be the dreaded middle child... I wonder if Eric can keep up with our demands for his attention...

Innocence Lost

I've always taken myself to appear rather innocent on the surface. I mean, I generally don't make a grand entrance when I walk into a room...I'm quiet and generally keep to myself...at first...

I really thought that at least someone was still playing along with the innocent act. Hehehe...not so much...I apparently lost it somewhere along the way.

Yesterday alone I heard...

..."I don't buy that innocent thing at all..."

..."Innocent? I don't think so...you've got that hint of decadence about you that just throws it all off..."

..."You have an innocent act?"

..."I must have missed that act..."

..."it's not a frequent act of yours..."

Well shit...if no one is buying it anymore...wonder what kind of trouble people expect me to get into instead...

Wireless Network

'Sphere...I need your help...

I am a wireless networking newbie but the person tasked with making the new house network function...because I know the most about computers. I've everything working and did all of the set up stuff that the router said to do...but it won't stay connected.

There is a wireless network next door that the computers here are picking up, even though the signal is weak. I can't figure out why when you tell the computer to connect to our signal it will for a minute or so and then drop over to the much weaker signal and remain connected there until you tell it otherwise.

Any ideas, suggestions? HELP!