A Swift Kick & A Band-Aid

Non-Blogging Stupidity

There is a certain blog I read that continues to annoy and nag at me. Why do I still read it? Because it isn't the blogger than annoys me. It is the commenters that piss me off. Again, you're asking why...

Simply put - These commenters don't understand the concept of blogging, the purpose of individual communication, and the appropriate use of public access forums.

The comments hardly ever have anything to do with the post that was made. They are generally from the blogger's parents making random statements or asking unrelated questions. Every time I see it I scream at the computer - "It's called e-mail! Look into it!" The rest of the readers don't care to hear about your weekend plans, what your wife got you for your birthday, or why you took the day off. I know damn well that you have your son's e-mail and his phone number. So how about you keep your business in those venues instead and I won't come up there and kick you in the head, ok?

It's a simple concept here people...
Stay on topic or stay off the blog!

whew ... I feel better now ... how about you?

Ban Renewed

I don't care how slim the chance is that a creepy crawly thing could actually hurt me... stuff like this is why they are simply and unwaiveringly banned from my house. I mean, just listen to this:

Thinking it was a mouse, I went to investigate the sound. The sound was coming from under some papers which I lifted, expecting to see the mouse scamper away," the 32-year-old psychotherapist said Wednesday. "Instead, when I lifted the papers, I saw this prehistoric looking animal skitter away behind a stack of books.

The Scolopendra gigantea has front claws that are adapted to deliver venom when it stings, which can lead to a blistering rash, nausea and fever. The sting is rarely life-threatening, but painful.

Banned. Period. Case closed.

Bail Shaft

I just got off the phone with Joshua Tree Superior Court in California...

And they tell me I need a lawyer now.

And I wasn't the one that got arrested.

But I won't see my bail again if I don't.

WHAT . THE . FUCK ?

Nasty Socks

I was on dog sitting duty again a few days ago ... this dog never ceases to amaze me with his antics...

Not only does this dog piss on everything in sight - he constantly needs to drop a steamer ... constantly... Only he doesn't want you to know he's doing it. He regularly climbs into shrubs and hedges to avoid being seen. The back 'yard' where he lives doesn't have any foliage to hide in but he tries his best to hide under something.

On the day in question, Shit Monster went into the 'wooded' area that consists of dead branches, fallen leaves, and a sprinkling of trash.

Act One
He attempted to hide behind a tree in the neighbor's yard and gave me a hurt look when I wouldn't let him defile their property. He ran back to the center area and tried to go back to the house but couldn't ... he was too scared to move now that he had his leash caught on dead branches. I swear this dog is such a pussy. I yanked, the twigs broke, he freaked cuz they touched him, and he was free.

Act Two
He attempted to hide in something in the other neighbor's yard and again gave me a hurt look combined with the just let me shit, lady face. He came back to his own yard, climbed under some hanging twigs, and finally did his business ... and what looked like a couple of other dog's business as well ... as he waddled in a circle. WTF?

Finale
You guessed it, he's tangled his leash in the dead twigs again. This time he neared a full blown panic at being stuck. The more I tried to coax him in the untangling direction the more he freaked out ... and pranced from paw to paw like a little kid doing the pee-pee dance. The voices in my head were screaming at this point... NOOOOOO!! But he did. I snapped the twigs again and he was free... ready to go in the house.

He was agitated that I made him sit at the door instead of just letting him in. But I had to check to see if my worst fears had come true. Had he pranced himself right through the fresh pile? DAMMIT! He had.

A good hose down later I was bitter at him, he was bitter at me and we went our separate ways for the rest of the afternoon.

The Enemy Within

Yesterday I made the trek down to the International Spy Museum for what is beginning to feel like my annual fall tradition. This is the third August in a row that I have been. This time though, it was a special trip.

The current special exhibit, The Enemy Within, is being replaced and I had to see it one more time before it was gone.

It is a trip through terrorism, extremism, racism, hatred, violence, revolution, subterfuge, and sabotage in American history - both home-grown and foreign. The exhibit includes citizen acts against one another, acts against the government, and the reaction by both the American people and the government, as well as artifacts from different incidents. I have yet to find a better collection of historic facts relating to the ever evolving difficulty that is the balance between security and our way of life.

I disagree with some of the statements made in the video portion about today's world but I've seen it three times now - I must still like the exhibit...

Anyone who has the chance to see it before it goes off exhibit really should go. The museum is open until 8pm these days (last admission for the special exhibit only is 6:45) and the ticket is only $5!! But you better hurry, Sept 5 is your LAST CHANCE!

Ow...

How many times have you felt like this...

"It didn't have antlers going in... but it sure had antlers coming out!"

Katrina

I want to send best wishes to Gulf Coast residents. I can't even imagine what you are in for this week and in the weeks to come. Many a blog will keep people updated but this is not one of them. Bou and Eric most definitely have their share of coverage and more expressive words about the subject than I could dream of being able to write.

The most I can really say is that people I know have loved ones in Katrina's path and they are worried. They are upset because they know there is nothing they can do but call and ask if everything is still ok. I have been along the coast there from Pensacola to NO itself and it is a shame to think of the desctruction she is capable of brining to it. So many people's lives at stake and so many resources that will be spent to put the pieces back together again.

I know now is probably not the best time for humor but sometimes it is how I deal with what I cannot control. So just remember, when the water's coming, do what the stupid chick in the horror flicks always does when some psycho is chasing her around the house ... always go up!

Drippy Dogs

So that BBQ we went to on Sat? Umm... SUCKED!

And poor Feisty D who flew into town, made time in her plans to see me after all this time, and had to endure the bizzare mash of events. She was just as beautiful and charming as I remembered her to be. What else could I expect from a Hot-lanta woman? Full of laughter and quick wit, she's still my kinda chick.

But the torture I put her through...

First off, it decided to rain the entire day. Weathermen said it would break by noon and then be scattered thunderstorms throughout the afternoon. The actual chain of events were more like constant gray with a precipitation range of slight drizzle to moderate rain. I was cold the entire freakin day. Even once I was inside I could not get my body to warm up. So later that evening I burrowed into the couch in a fleece and homer simpson slippers watching shows about tattoos. But I digress...

Originally this BBQ was scheduled for 6pm. It got moved to 3pm. We showed up at 3:30 and were the first to arrive. The host was still in her grubs from powerwashing the deck (in the rain?) and had no idea what to do with herself.
Strike One.

The "yard" or "back patio" was sort of sketchy. Within the privacy fence there was a small deck area, a small cement area, and a small 'grassy area' - mostly taken up by a very large home made dog house - that was also mostly a big mud pit ... including the area dug out under the house. The window screens were shredded by dog claws and the patio door was atrocious. It looked like a scene out of Cujo.
Strike Two.

The only other person there to begin with was the strong, silent type...minus the strong part... Not so great for conversation...

So we took a seat at the patio table (after laying plastic down on the nasty chairs) and tried to have a conversation over chips and salsa. The only problem? The wind kicked up a little and we suddenly noticed how much the backyard reeked of urine. It smelled as if the deck wood were soaked in it. It was revolting.
Strike Three.

Once other people started showing up and the food was being grilled it felt a little more like a fun get together. But then the guests started talking... Very clique-ish, upwardly mobile, young adult crowd with lots they felt the need to brag about. Um... no. Last time I checked a backyard BBQ was about having a few brews and telling great stories.
Strike Double Three.

D left early for the wedding she flew up for and I was out of there shortly there after. I think I'll 'accidentally' lose the next evite to that house...

D & Dogs

I was hoping to entertain you lovely loyal subjects today with my butterfly encounter from yesterday but there's just no time.

In just a few hours the lovely Miss Feisty D (not to be confused with the familiar Feisty Repartee) will be in town and we have A LOT of catching up to do. She and I went to Brown together 8 - that-seem-like-ages-past - years ago. I haven't seen her since she flew out to my house for Thanksgiving dinner in 1997.

And we have a BBQ to attend. So we'll see what kind of ruckous a little Cali girl and a Hot-lanta chick can cause together in DC today.

Hanna-McEuen

Two sons of members of the Nitty Gritty Dirt Band have gotten together and released their first CD. The new duo has taken the moniker Hanna-McEuen, a simple joining of their last names.

They may seem familiar to you already as their song "Something Like a Broken Heart" has had radio play for several months now. But I urge you take a closer listen to the rest of their CD.

I can't quite put my finger on why but it is a CD I can't stop playing. Sure, I skip a song or two here and there but overall it is a very enveloping collection of tunes.

Hop on over to CMT.com and check out the free listen they have of the entire CD in their listening party...but it's only up for a limited time.

My current favs are: "Read Between The Lines," "Prayer For You," "Is It Only Me," and "Ocean."

Oh, btw... the listening party usually only works with IE, sorry Firefoxers...

Murder & Presents

Little Jacky-Poo was supposed to come live here on Tuesday and hang out with Blue Fish but it just didn't work out that way. I got an e-mail from the guy who was giving Jack to me that said, in short, 'Jack's dead...my bad' MURDER, I say!

*pout*

Seems he was taking down a tank and thought little Jacky would be ok with a big Oscar. Nope! Little Jacky never stood a chance! The poor fish...

To make up for the disappointment I was gifted from someone else a pair of these bad boys...

Now I just have to figure out what to name them...

Greedy?

Before MuNu took an unscheduled vacation, a friend pointed out how tacky my donation button might seem to some of my readers. I didn't understand. He pointed out my two trips to San Diego earlier this year, my recent trip to LA, and the most recent trip to Mississippi as examples of his point - how dare I ask my readers for money to do even more traveling?

Well... maybe he's got a point. I guess it could be a bit in poor taste given all those other travels.

My only defense was the fact that when I go to see family, family pays...that made LA and Mississippi on their dime. My trip to San Diego in June was my birthday present.

When it is for me and for my fun, the bill comes to my door just like it does to anyone else's. It isn't like me to ask for anything from others and I'm still not sure what possessed me to do it. But it is like anything else on this blog, if it doesn't strike you the right way, read the next post instead - maybe it will be more up your alley.

Meet the Cat

Everytime I turn around it seems that bloggers are talking about meeting one another or going on trips where they see each other again. Quite frankly, I'm jealous of all the fun they are having! But I must be selective about my travels - afterall, I am just a lowly, unfunded grad student. This is where you come in, dear readers. Yes, I'm going to swallow my pride and beg for donations. I don't want to make money off any of you lovely people, I just need a little help to join in the fun and help spread the joy.

So let's review:

When Old Becomes New

Contrary to the familiar trends of posessions, fashion, and technology that becomes so horrible boring and passe in a matter of figurative nanoseconds these days...have the formerly routine efforts of the chivalrous man become something newly grande?

Reading a magazine column, I found myself asking and wondering ... why?

Personally speaking, I would never dream of expecting chivalry from a man the way women used to be able to count on. If he wants to open doors, help me with my coat, or walk on the street side, I'm not going to stop him. Unless of course he's a dumbass about it. Which leads me to my next question...

Has chivlary died because men just don't believe in treating women with an extra touch of special or is it because we, as women, have stomped on their efforts so many times that they have given up trying?

I think the answer lies somewhere between them both, placing the blame squarely on the shoulders of society as a whole. For example's sake, let's take a look at my life...

The men in my life are usually at fault simply because the majority of them are too caught up in something else (whatever that issue may be) to even make the effort. Gee, thanks. No, it's ok...don't get up. I feel just super special that you treat me just like you would your buddy that made you late for kick-off. At least you brought the car to a complete stop when it came time for ME to get out. Those that do make the effort usually don't for very long. And that is where the blame shifts to me...
I am at fault in my life because I am a firm believer in the idea that if you are going to do something, do it right. Like it or not, this applies to acts of kindness as well. I appreciate the effort put out by a man that wants open doors for me but if he is constantly opening the door into my foot, smacking me in the head with his elbow as he tries to reach over my head, or leaving me standing at a second door looking like a fool ... I'll do it myself, thank you very much. No, you don't get an A for effort. You get a D for poor attention to detail and the inability to learn from previous mistakes. I mean, I wouldn't dream of you making any unusual effort on my account. Maybe that just makes me a bit too bitchy for chivalry.

*shrug*

Where ever the blame lies, it is a sad state of affairs when being nice is something so unusual that it garners such attention and carries the expectation of praise in return.

My Little Jacky-Poo

I'm feeling a little lazy today... many errands have been run and many more tasks are yet to be completed... so no real blogging is to be had.

But since I've been messing with the fish tanks to welcome in a new guy, here's a pic of the type of fish I will be getting:

Go here to learn more about Jack Dempsey Cichlids, mostly because that's where I stole the picture from...

West Palm Beach

I'm thinking of heading to Boca for Christmas this year. Does anyone know how convenient/easy to use the West Palm airport is?

Anyone? Anyone?

Thanks!

It's MY White House Now

You know, it's about damn time someone recognized me as the rightful leader of this country!

But what's with all these posers ahead of me? Whatever...here's the plan...
First I have to kill Eric, and then VW...and then all those other people in my way.... and then ... if I can avoid being framed for the mysterious disappearances of these imposters ... THE SEAT OF ULTIMATE POLITICAL WORLD DOMINATION WILL BE MINE!! MUHAHAHAHA!

How long will you have to wait? Check here ... but be forewarned... I'm one tough bitch to kill.

MOM, I'm HUNGRY!

As I was walking past the park to my chiropractor's office today I noticed there were still a fair number of tourists in town. There were people enjoying lunch in the park and couples smiling to one another. I took a minute to look around at all of the windows and awnings I have walked past so often but never taken notice of. There was a bakery, a few restaurants, news stands, florists, tiny places to hit for lunch...all squirreled away in the office buildings of downtown DC. I saw a few places that seemed oddly out of place but interesting enough to try.

Strangely, it all reminded me of the time that SWG and Mrs. SWG were in town and I dragged them all over the Mall. They certainly hiked their way to dinner in Chinatown, asking all the while, "are we there yet?" at every corner. They were exhausted (and hungover) but troopers as I pressed forward to show them as much as I possibly could. (I'm an OCD organizer type...so sue me) Mrs. SWG had to be starving by this point (we all know that Eric was...men are always hungry). She had gotten a bagel earlier that morning for some breakfast but the cream cheese was damn near frozen...the poor dear. She was the sweetest gem all day though.

On days like today, I really miss those two. They notice the little things here and there and see value in what this city is often too busy to care about.

RIP Fishies

I went into the living room today and found my little sharky dead in a plant. The other is fighting it but well on his way to the same fate. Poor poor sharkies.

Best thing I can give them now is a 2 flush salute.
FLUSH! FLUSH!

The Doctor Will Ignore You Now

4 weeks ago today I went in to have a long over do check up. It had been about six years since I was looked over for cancer, despite my high risk status and previous findings of pre-cancerous tissue. I had been putting it off out of fear of what they would say. Mentally I guess I'd rather stay guessing than hear the bad news. I hate the scars that the biopsies leave behind and some part of me was avoiding that as well.

Last night I got a little pre-printed card from the doctor's office with only my name, address, and biopsy date filled in by hand. Even the doctor's signature was a very, very poorly stamped signature. It was good news but am I the only one that thinks this is seriously unprofessional? First I had to wait a month to find out if I was infected with these evil, malicious cells. Then I'm not even worthy of a phone call or a letter that is (1) less obviously a form letter, and (2) has less of a generic 'keep an eye on it' type recommendation?

This office had come highly recommended. I will have to respectfully disagree and never go back. The possibility of cancer is far too scary to be blatantly treated like a number, especially in a private practice.

Take Two

Earlier today, as I was stuck dog sitting, I sat with my needlepoint and pattern in hand...

Fuck... Fuck... Fuck.Fuck.FUCK!

The pattern wasn't working right and I realized I had screwed up somewhere around 3 days ago. I had to rip out half of what I had accomplished on my first project since trying to pick up this hobby again. And in the midst of doing so I realized something...

I didn't have to make it right, no one would have known the difference between a few missing stitches and the ones that were put in the right place. I wanted to make it right.

How many chances does life offer for a genuine do-over? How many times do you get a second chance to really make something right?

That thought took a lot of the anger away as I appreciated the simple chance to start over when so often we are not granted the ability to do so. Sometimes all it takes is the right perspective and all is right again with the world.

Bedroom Secrets

You want to know about my favorite part of sleeping with a man?

(totally safe for work)

When he gets his bed hogging, covers stealing, log sawing, good pillow thieving, sleep farting, snooze hitting ass out of bed and leaves!

That next hour or so I get to sleep alone all snuggled up and comfy, without anybody bothering me is just like heaven...

Crash-Bang-Ditch, pt II

I sat here thinking about this whole situation a lot over the last couple of days and I realized two things.

1. I am without a doubt my father's daughter
2. It's not about the money.

It irks me that my family is out the money but it isn't the end of the world that we are. Assuming the jackass goes to his court date at least some of the money will be returned by the courts. That means only the car costs and chiropractic costs will be left unpaid.

What really irritates me is the fact that my dad has jumped though hoop after hoop because of this pair. The time off work, the trips to the auto shop, the time spent thinking about what to do. The girl has been nothing but disrespectful from the beginning but Dad has a soft spot for people that live a tougher life than he does. He excuses away bad behavior with reasons of their stress or worry. Sometimes I think he'd just keel over on the spot if someone tapped him on the shoulder and said 'Thanks for all you've done but your services are no longer needed - no one in the world needs helping anymore.'

And because of that generosity he now has a car in his posession and there is nothing he can do with it. He doesn't have the title so he can't sell it. And even if he wanted to just hand it back to her and be assed out the cash, he can't - she won't return his calls and he doesn't know her address. The car is the stress on his life that he doesn't need.

So I believe Eric said it best earlier '... some people need a good beating, that is for sure...'

Crash-Bang-Ditch

Remember that accident I was in a month ago? Yeah, still not resolved.

The guy who was driving, that got arrested, and I bailed out of jail? Not returning my phone calls. Where's my $1600, pal?

The chick who's car he was driving? Still being a manipulative bitch. Not returning phone calls either. Dad took her car to be repaired under the agreement that she either repaid the money or would give him the title so he could sell it. Now she's doing neither. She wants it to run perfectly before she makes a decision. It had an exhaust leak and it sounded like a go kart before the accident. What do you want from us bitch? Where's the $1700?

Why am I so angry about it right now? Because I care about my dad and I care about how much stress he is under and I care about nice guys getting screwed over. He was nice to these people because I was in the car at the time of the accident...no.other.reason. Dad has just found out that his wife may have cancer, again. Yes, again. This would make the third time for her, I believe. And while I don't like the woman, I don't wish that torture on her or for the anguish it puts my dad through.

So I am angry at these two yahoos for kicking a gift horse in the teeth. I feel like my hands are tied since this is all taking place in LA and I am not there. And I can't make my dad teach them a lesson. He has bigger, more important things going on in his life. When push comes to shove he'd probably take the hit to the wallet just to avoid the hassle of court.

If anyone in LA wants to handle this for me or break a jackasses knees in Brooklyn, let me know.

Do Not Pass Go

I woke up his morning with the distinct feeling that something, somewhere, was going terribly wrong..if it hadn't already. Not quite a panic but more than a worry - it started my day very poorly.

So far I haven't figured out what the evil I was feeling is so maybe it was just my dream...

I woke up in the middle of a dream where I was house sitting with friends. We were watching something on TV and a few of us were getting a little too loud. Cops showed up and sentenced me to pay for the actions of all with 10 mins in jail. I set off to find the jail and was having one hell of a time doing it. A little later my best friend showed up with the same sentence. She and I were still trying to find the jail and having no luck. We asked cop after cop in the middle of festivals that were going on. We made it to the justice center but the family area with food courts, shopping, fountains, and lush green terraces was so hugely like a mall that we still could not find where official business was to be conducted. We talked as we walked and discovered the officers who had handed out our sentences told each of us individually that we were paying for the actions of one man... and that each of our friends would continue to do so until he stopped. I was tearfully asking yet another officer how to find our way to jail and listening to him tell me to come back at 2am when things would be quicker when I woke up...

I hope this day is better than it feels like it's going to be...

Marry Me, I Dare You

WitNit has a list of things said by Dennis Miller that I believe everyone should go read. But I'm biased... I find Dennis Miller to be funny... usually just stating something that should be obvious, but somehow that is funny to me.

Anyhow... this one struck a little close to home...

"Never ever discount the idea of marriage. Sure, someone might tell you that marriage is just a piece of paper. Well, so is money, and what's more life-affirming than cold, hard cash?"

You see...I've dated more than my fair share of anti-marriage commitment phobes that were ready to angrily and disgustedly wrap me in plastic and toss me to the curb like a 3 day old fish carcass accidentally left to bake in the sun on the kitchen counter while they flitted off for a posh weekend with their toothpicky mistress... that is once things got a little rocky or I dared complain... They'd never give me up on good terms - I mean, come on... this is me we're talking about... and who throws out a perfectly good doormat? You at least wait until it gets signs of wear or a touch of mildew...

If I viewed marriage like the piece of paper that they thought it was, I might be married...or I might at least be able to see myself married at some point in the future. Right now, that ain't happening. Just call me Jade-d.

Sure, sure...I hear what you're saying...It must be that my parents getting divorced that jaded me so. Sorry, no. It isn't the divorcees that have me down on marriage. It isn't the people that have gotten re-married. It is the vast sea of unhappiness I see in people that have chosen to stay married. I respect the whole til death do we part and I have issues with the 'if it doesn't feel good, don't do it' society of today, but COME ON! My parents staying married did me absolutely NO favors. Couples that aren't honest with one another... couples that talk disparagingly about one another (sometimes in front of the other person...or in public)... couples where half stays late at work just to get some peace... It's all the bad marriages out there that makes me wary. I can think of only one example of a good marriage out of all my family, friends, and exes. Those don't seem like good odds to me, especially not with my track record of winners...

But there is one thing that I think marriage and money have in common... neither one can ever make you truly happy...

Avoid Doing Your Best

Part of the mandatory requirements for the cadaver course I took in high school (go read here if you don't know what I'm talking about) were two parents' nights. The first one had great repercussions leading me to believe you should always avoid doing your best work, unless you know that no one will find out it was you...

The night of the first presentation was what you would expect...rundown of the highlights, say some thank yous to the people who donated to us, give some awards to people that were especially helpful in fasciliating our program...but the best part was showing off our handywork.

My parents came in and checked out Lucy for a minute or two before Dad got too queasy to take it anymore. Guess he can deal with the dying, just not the dead. Apparently he damn near faints at the sight of blood too (not that there was any)... are we sure I'm related to him? Anyhow, Dad went next door to examine more pleasant sundries ... the cookies and punch ... while Mom jealously investigated our cadavers.

'You're getting a better gross anatomy class than I ever got in school!' she bitterly protested, while still somehow proud of me. Now you tell me that's not scary... a bunch of high school students get more up close and personal time with the inner workings of human anatomy than someone paid to actually care for your health and well-being? YIKES!

But just when I thought I could escape the night in triumph with something to hold not one but both of my parents ... reality set in...

There had been enough opportunity for a parent-teacher conference from which I was unknowingly absent. Being the loving, kind, caring, adoring instructor that she is, she talked up my talents. She told them how I stayed late, never let anything get in my way, and did fantastic detail work, carefully removing fat and connective tissue from muscles, nerves, veins, and arteries. At this point I imagine my parents looked at one another quizzically... this could not be their daughter she was speaking of... their daughter wouldn't load the dishwasher because the task was 'too icky.' She reassured them that nothing about Lucy was too icky for me....

And with my girly cover forever blown, I did the dishes from then on....

Craft Lady

I have had a roller coaster of a weekend and I'm not sure I'm still the same person. I mean, what kind of ass-kicking, name-taking, un-apologizing princess does crafts?

I don't know what to tell you, folks... but I have paint brushes and plans... this could get a little strange...

New Roommates?

I just got home from lunch with a potential new roommate.

The high points:
Crab cakes
Pitchers of beer

The iffy points:
Young'in
Frat Boy

I've been talking with a friend about moving into a four bedroom house with him, his roommate, and his friend (the guy I was just introduced to). That would make 2 guys, 2 girls...but we haven't found a house yet.

I'm eager to live with someone I can actually interact with and I'm sick of living under the back up cast for riverdance...but am I really eager enough to move in with a couple of frat boys that I could hardly hold a conversation with? Don't get me wrong...I have nothing against the guys whatsoever. It's just that they are much more interested in which restaurant to get drunk at or eat crabs at all day or if anyone has talked to a certain 'friend' lately than any other kind of conversation. I didn't have anything to add to the baseball conversation - I don't follow the sport more than on the very minor surface. I didn't go to their university so I'm not obsessed with it or that fraternity like they are. They would more be drinking buddies or the guys who threw a BBQ that I automatically get to go to because I live in the house.

*shrug*

I'll figure it out eventually, I'm sure.

Evil Upstairs

Do you live in a noisy apartment/condo/townhouse? Have you ever wondered why your neighbors are playing such loud music? If you live near me, maybe the reason is YOU.

I can't win the battle to keep the evil upstairs quiet so the only thing I'm left with is to fight back. The kids are constantly jumping off of the furniture, banging their toys on the window sill that just so happens to be directly above my bed, or screaming off the balcony which is also just a few feet from my bedroom. The adults have never heard of walking - they insist on stomping everywhere. Or screaming on the phone while on the balcony. I've bitched about this before where I noted they are so loud that the vibrations actually knock things off my walls. With a little help from Sheila and her wonderful 4.1s, my response is now loud music.

I tried being tolerant. I tried banging on the ceiling. I'd try talking to them but they don't speak english. I can't hear them annoying me, problem solved. If it pisses them off, bonus for me.

Sure, it might continue in a you annoy me, I annoy you battle of escalation but I'm a bitch when you piss me off... I'm pretty sure you'll regret messing with me once you push too far.

If Murder Were Legal...

Today served me with a very helpful reminder...
Some people just can't seem to get their head out of their ass.
No matter how nicely you ask, how patient you are or how long you wait, they continue to prefer the stench of their own shit to the fresh air of reality.

When did the world get so full of arrogant, selfish, short sighted, self serving, ignorant pricks that you couldn't sneeze without hitting one?

Some days it just makes me so angry that I can't even blog...

I've Had It!

Your car is going to DIE!

I cannot tell you the number of times I have wanted to do this. Some idiot has a car alarm installed but doesn't give a shit about his car enough to actually pay attention when it goes off. Or the shitheads that know their alarm is too sensitive and don't bother to figure out how to change it? Or how about the assholes that don't disconnect the alarm even when they know it is malfunctioning and going off every 10 minutes for 5 minutes at a time? Some people just shouldn't be allowed to have car alarms...

As for the dude that flipped out and shot the car? Well... I guess you can see why Simi Valley has fallen from the top 3 ranking of America's safest cities... It ranks somewhere around 17 last I checked. They are letting the home of Reagan's final resting place slowly go to crap. The disrespectful bastards!

Runs In The Family

I'll be taking it a little easy tonight.

Why?

Well I've taken a page out of Dad's book and I'm really hoping it doesn't become a whole chapter. Just before dinner I bent over, put my hands on my knees, and then slowly crumpled to the ground. There was a loud pop and a sharp pain in my lower back. Seems my sacro-iliac joint was none to happy this evening and needed to bring me down with it. Once the pain and tears subsided I was ok. It feels a little iffy now and then so I'm being extra careful.

Good thing I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow!

Jackson Zoo Break

Who ever said zoo animals aren't unhappy has never been here (note: you'll have to click on some of the pics to get the full effect)

This guy looks just a little depressed and hopeless

This one is desperate but hasn't quite given up hope yet

The poor bear is in the throws of frustrated desperation

The ostrich is just pissed that people won't leave him be...the constant interruptions make it very difficult to ignore a situation, you know...

I think this one is just feeling a little inadequate

But take heed, they are plotting their escape...And this guy is their plan's mastermind

I don't know about you, but with a leader that evil looking... I'm worried. And if they are successful? Boy are they going to be pissed when they find out that they've got many miles to go before finding anything of interest.

I say they follow the tiger's example...

'haven't you been paying attention guys? It's worse out there than it is in here. Just fuck it ... take a nap. We can always eat the keepers later if we get bored.'

Wednesday Blows

I've sat here for the past hour trying to post something interesting but my brain is currently a pile of mush. In fact, I feel about as great as this kid looks

I have a comfy bed, I'm going to go use it.
I need a full body massage, can we work out a deal?

I refuse to give in to Wednesday like it's important, I'll be back later and this day will regret ever messing with me.

Missed the Shuttle

Dear NASA,

I know this letter is a little unexpected but I just had to tell you how hurt I am by your continued insensitivity. You never even talk to me anymore. You never ask me how I feel. You just live your life like I don't matter. Well it's time that you realize your decisions and your actions have consequences for those around you.

The launch and return of the Discovery shuttle were historic moments and I missed them because of your insensitivity. Did it even occur to you to ask me about my schedule? If you really loved me you would have. At what point did you stop caring if I could be there to share in your projects? Your behavior makes it very clear where I sit in your life. I remember a time when I was a priority for you and all the promises about how I would always me important - what happened to us?

Thousands of people will always have memories with you that I can never have. I can't even begin to express how terrible that fact makes me feel. Maybe I should just admit that they mean more to you and move on. Have I been lying to myself all this time? I guess you just aren't the government agency that I thought you were.

If you need me I'll be over at State trying to calm down.

<3 Princess

Dirty Girl

We needed a quiz to figure this out?

My life is rated NC-17.
What is your life rated?

(stolen from everyone...so I'm a lemming sometimes...deal...)

Odd...

I just got a phone call from a very soft spoken, speed talking, and seemingly annoyed woman asking if I would be willing to accept an internship in Washington DC. I could not understand what office she was calling from. Finally I figured out where she was referring to and told her I would be willing to since I live there.
But I had to make sure it didn't conflict with my other one so I asked her what time frame she was talking about. She had no idea what I meant. Finally we sorted out that she was referring to the fall. Well slap me silly and call me susan, you're damn right I'd accept an internship for the fall!

and then she said, "ok... we'll be in touch..."

BITCH

UPDATE: They have called 3 times now to confirm if I would be willing to take an internship in DC instead of San Diego. But none of the calls have been to actually offer me a position... AHHH! These chicks are driving me crazy!

My Genes Don't Fit!

My time at the chiropractor was both heaven and hell on a table. He's a big believer in sports therapy and I couldn't agree more with his tactics. While he did inflict a lot of pain trying putting pinpoint pressure on muscle spasms, he more than made up for it with his massage therapy sessions. It's amazing how great a vibrating powertool can make a girl feel. I'll have to ask him how I can add one like his to my collection...

But I've managed to jack myself up so thoroughly that what should have been a 15 min appointment was an hour long. I have 2 more appointments this week and will be back three times next week. After that, the balance between targeted exercises and adjustments will depend on how much my body has healed. Good thing I found someone relatively convenient to get to.

I called dad to update him on what the chiro said but I didn't get too far... he was driving Lil Bro to urgent care again. Seems Lil Bro was having a dizzy spell and tightness in his chest that made him feel he needed medical attention but he was uncomfortable being behind the wheel.

I'm beginning to feel like I come from some sort of sickly stock... we're all just falling apart left and right! I blame the genes...

Day of Leisure?

Just when you thought the list had been completed...

I'm stuck wading through insurance claims and laundry before I head downtown to get man handled by my new chiropractor. The only upside to that is that I hopefully will stop waking up in tears from the ache.

What was that I was saying about today being leisurely?

Down For The Count

As you can see, I was remiss in my duty to provide an entertaining story of my life for you readers today. Why? It is a laundry list of events...

I was up until a wee hour of somewhere between 4 and 5 am last night and did not sleep in enough to compensate.

To begin the day, in the heat of an unforgiving sun, there was an adventure deep in the secret wooded seclusion where many trail was walked, a toy thrown, fetching to be had, an insect to flee, and a thorny scrub brush to be dealt with. Minor cuts and scrapes were received but no battle goes without its wounds.

After returning to the house it was time to attack the car. While bestowed upon me by the kindness of my grandmother and father, the unintentional gifts of dead skin, food crumbs, and animal hair had to go. Armed with wipes, ear plugs, and an overzealous mini vac, I sweated my ass off and cursed the properties black interior.

Next came the half assed garden planted by a roommate. With the lawn looking better I could no longer stand the unkempt appearance of his vegetables in front of the house. I ripped out weed after weed and then restaked the tomato plants that were bent and broken, showing no signs of love. Of course, there were casualties...but their demise was not in vain...green tomatoes were had for dinner.

Following a MUCH needed shower there was grocery shopping. Let me tell you...shopping to restock your pantry after not having done so for about a month can really take it out of you. But I am pleasantly surprised to have gotten home for under $100. Unfortunately that still averaged out to about $18/bag...

As if the unusual performance of actual work weren't enough... I decided to cook dinner instead of just pull together enough sustenance to make my stomach stop growling. Roast pork tenderloin, cheese risotto, and fried green tomatoes. I have never had fried green tomatoes before but I was assured by a genuine southern boy that they tasted just right. Sure, he may just be being nice but I do know a thing or two about how to cook... so they might not hold a candle to Paula Deen... but dammit I wasn't raised in the South so cut me some slack on my learning curve here.

Oh, and I had to program the new thermostat that's been up since Friday because my techno-tarded roommate apparently can't figure out how to fix anything...

Anyhow...it's been a full day... and I'm down for the count... see you tomorrow, my loves... a much more leisurely tomorrow...

Blogathon 2005

Today is Blogathon 2005 to raise money for charity. Each blogger has chosen which charity they would like their donations to go to and The Bisch has chosen Any Soldier Inc.

Please support our troops by visiting The Bisch and sponsoring him TODAY!

Emotional Masochist

The following is a real conversation:

Ex: its been a yr since ive seen u right
Me: yeah
Ex: when did we hook up?
Me: what's with all the questions?
Ex: im trying to remember the good times
Ex: ive had a bad day
Ex: trying to keep people stright... JK
Me: isn't it your gf's job to cheer you up then?
Ex: ses still at work
Ex: shes
....
Ex: I swear last i knew u were in Pa (*)
Ex: thats why i asked
Me: nope
Me: apparently you don't remember a whole lot of what it was like to know me
Me: feels real special
Ex: shut up
Ex: i remember ur ass and tits
Ex: and that wonderful smile
Ex: sorry im a in rare mood
Me: k
Ex: u really should send me a pic of u so when im down i can remember more of thoes days when we hooked up and all the fun we had

Why do I even answer IM's from people like this? I know exactly how it is going to turn out every. single. time... I am apparently an emotional masochist with the inability to learn. Maybe that makes me insane too...

* I have NEVER lived in PA...in fact, I have never even visited

Off Your Duff

So far no one has expressed an interest in a DC/NoVA blogmeet...

Prove me wrong people... speak up!

Vacations Are Banned

You heard me... no more vacations! Not for my family at least. First there was my vacation troubles in LA last month (no, they aren't resolved yet) and now Dad.

A couple of days ago, while on vacation in Hawaii, Dad threw his back out... I only found out last night because I happened to call my mom to chat about my current medical woes. Mind you, Dad is a fairly healthy guy...goes to the gym... tries to eat well ... and follows most medical advice his docs give him if there is any trouble. He's had some back pain before but the problems were generally kept at bay by specific strengthening exercises given to him by his chiropractor. I guess they weren't enough anymore. In his words, "I thought I was headed to the hospital...I was in real trouble last night." Apparently the muscle spasms were so bad that it caused him some respiratory distress as well. I haven't gotten all of the details from him but a doctor was called to the hotel, he was having trouble breathing, he's been prescribed valium and vicodin, and has been to physical therapy every day since it happened.

So now you see... I hereby decree vacations BANNED in my family.

Now lets just hope Mom and Lil Bro (& GF) can make it home from their camping trip without a vacation fiasco of their own.

The Perfect Panty

Men have a point...shopping SUCKS... I don't care how cute the outfit or how chic the dress... you're always going to have to deal with the masses of idiot people in the mall, the bimbettes you'd rather shoot than have to listen to, the dumbasses that pass for male youth, and then there's the inevitable 'it says it's my size, so why doesn't my ass fit in these' moment. I'm not even going to talk about how the lighting makes you feel pale enough to shock a colony of albinos.... shopping sucks - end of discussion.

Now that being said... I will never understand why men shirk their responsibility to and abandon their opportunity to accompany their lady in shopping for the most essential of clothing... the perfect panty. Yes, I know...just days ago I expressed my displeasure with impeding the natural flow of the evening breeze... but still - the perfect panty makes for the perfect ensemble and makes a woman feel just how she should for any occasion.

So I have to say it Gentlemen, quit being such pussies when it comes to cradling the one(s) you want. Go pick out something cute she will wear under her work clothes that only you will know about (and can look forward to). Go pick out something she will only wear for the 30 seconds it takes for you to strip to the buff after seeing her in it. Go pick out something sexy for her to wear the next time you take her to dinner. You're not always going to get a say and sometimes she's going to tell you to get your head out of your ass... more than likely you'll catch her at a bad moment when she asks you if you can keep it in your pants for more than 5 minutes.... but when she asks, offer your assistance. Just the shopping alone can create a tingle between the right people...

Just trust me here boys, when your woman feels good in her panties, you're more likely to get them off... so do your part to let her know you like what she's wearing.

Miracle in DC?

Driving down a popular roadway last night there were cars lined up in both directions as far as the eye could see. They were slowly creeping forward, moving as the traffic lights would allow. It was a typical night of traffic in Northern Virginia...almost...

Traffic in both directions stopped one lane at a time, like traffic had done a reverse wave. Lights were green and no one was moving. No horns were honking. No people yelling. No one even looked angry.

What possibly had the power to make the world come to a complete stand still? A flock of geese. Yes, as in a group of those giant honking birds. All 15 or so of them decided to cross the road, single file, in the middle of rush hour...and not a single one was harmed.

I wish to hell I had a camera with me...when else are you going to see 6 lanes of traffic come to a voluntary stand still? As my companion at the time said, "you know if they'd been people, no one would have even cared."

I feel as though I have witnessed a DC miracle... but it was damn funny regardless of what you want to call it. And by far the most amazing thing I've seen since moving here.

Purple Rules!

SWEET! It's my favorite color and everything!

Your Mood Ring is Purple

Sensual Clear mind Purpose is known

Thieving Bastards

Well it didn't take long for San Diego government to screw up again...this time they are trying to use the new eminent domain ruling to take over Little Italy.

San Diego officials have designated this area of the city as "blighted," and according to the law the city has the authority to use its eminent domain powers for what supporters say is the good of the community.

They aren't trying to confiscate Little Italy for a roadway, or a train station, or even a park...none of it is to be general public use. They want to turn it over to a private firm known for building apartments/townhouses/condos/commercial space. I don't care if those developments are predicted to be good for the community in the long run. Stealing private property to be given to another private owner is just plain wrong, no matter how great you think it will be in the end. There are plenty of people with more money than sense in San Diego, get them to buy areas you want to develop. If the owners don't want to sell, I guess you're screwed. No exceptions. Period.

Go see for yourself the neighborhood they have deemed so unworthy...
A Day in Little Italy It's a unique area of town that San Diego would be worse off for having lost.

Anal Traffic

R. U. Serious over at Scared Bunny/Damned If I Know has a reader that says he shouldn't mention anal sex so much or he'll be "known as the anal sex guy on the Internet." Whaa? With all the porn out there? I don't think so... Silly reader!

However, I do agree with him on this...

The more I use the phrase anal sex, the more people forward the link and post comments. Plus, I show up on more interesting Google searches that way.

What I don't agree with is this...

But I was also reminded that if I hope to attract women that I need to not mention it so much.

But really...whether I agree with him or not...I'll read anyone that has dated more psychos and had more bad relationships than I have AND is willing to publically talk about it...

Feline Atkins

Researchers are claiming that felines of the world are carnivorous because, due to a genetic defect, they cannot taste sweet flavors.

Can we get these genetic scientists to work on something like this for people? Cuz being able to turn off my sweets gene with a diet pill would make eating healthy so much easier...

I've trained myself out of massive portion sizes, out of liking pizza, out of most sweet drinks, and even out of high doses of chocolate...

Come on, people! I'm doing my part to be beautiful ... science should do theirs too...

Mini-Meet

I'm tossing around ideas for a local NoVA/DC Metro blogger get together...a bit of a mini-meet if you will... I had in mind the weekend of 8/19 or 8/26 but just what I will organize depends on the number of people that want to come.

If you're interested in showing up, leave a comment or use the Gmail button on the left.

If you know someone who might be interested, send them my direction and let them know I'd love to hear from them.

If you're from out of town but want to come meet those of us crazy enough to live in the nation's capitol wake, you're more than welcome to join us as well.

Now get to it...before you miss your chance to meet Princess Cat at her very first blogmeet...

Enlightened

As you can see, I'm back. Less obvious though is that I'm more enlightened for having gone...It's been an adventure, for sure. Much less drama this trip but an experience nonetheless.

First - There really isn't anything to do in Jackson, MS...
-the zoo takes about an hour
-the planetarium takes 30 mins (but it'll be the best nap you've ever had)
-the Old Capitol Museum of MS History takes about an hour
-the natural history museum takes about an hour and includes A LOT of river fish
-if you need something to do on Sunday...well, you're pretty much screwed

Second - They really do operate a little differently in Jackson, MS...
-the hotel cleaning crew didn't have towels on their carts...we just got the 'unused' towels from the rooms that had checked out... ew...
-food in the Jackson airport is of low quality (even by airport standards) but more expensive than any other airport I've ever been too

Family was family...plenty of rude behavior due to the cliques that we just can't seem to break but people tried to get along. Most people were enamored with the newest addition, born a year ago, so the rest of us didn't have to be quite so cute or social. The branch of the family driving from TX (thus part of why we had it in Jackson) decided not to show up...thus pissing off the rest of us who'd rather have been somewhere else instead of a conference room off the interstate... *shrug* ... We had beer and the captain to help us make it through.

I'm now known as the info collector, the organizer, and in charge of putting together the rest of the family tree. Hopefully that doesn't mean I'm in charge of the next reunion...

Discovered

I have kept this blog secret from my family since a previous one caused so much drama between us at the holidays but it appears Lil Bro has found me out.

Going through my stats I found what I am pretty sure is Mom's IP visiting my site while she and I were both in Jackson and Lil Bro was supposed to be watching the cat.

This could get ugly again but I'm not going anywhere.
I like being a Munuvian so he'll just have to deal...

Just Be Natural

I go away for a few days and I come home to talk of religious underwear and a spam attack... I'm not sure I know what to think... but two things are for sure...

...I'll be stripping this blog and de-spamming for the rest of the afternoon.

...and religious or not, you won't catch me in those mormon digs Eric was talking about - it's just not natural! I'm the kind of girl that believes in enjoying things to the fullest... nature included. I mean, mother nature didn't give us the gentle evening breeze for nothing... who am I to put a swatch of cotton in her way? Besides, I like the way it tickles... ;o)