July 30, 2005

Mormon Underwear...

... whoa... call me naive... say I was brought up under a rock... say what you will, but realize first that I honestly had no idea Mormons had special underwear... some sort of knee-length thing with thick fabric buttresses over the special places.. mainly the nipples and pubes.... again, all I can say is whoa... the thought of someone needing reinforcements over their extra-sensitive bits just boggles my mind... Mormons must have nipples of steel... but, I digress...

.. this post, in no way, is meant as disrespectful of Mormons.... actually, I've never even met a Mormon... and as such, I usually wait until I've met people before I start making fun of them... so, this is NOT making fun of Mormons... it's just me... trying vainly to understand why the vast majority of the population isn't going Commando.... after all, God created us naked... and even after Eve bit into that forbidden fruit and covered herself in fig leaves, God issued no great commandment about negligees.. gentile or not.... surely God's Underwear is nothing but fur resting securely against denim.... as it was in the beginning, right?... or at least fur against silk... or satin... or burlap...

.. damn... there I go again... digressing... see, I have just had an email exchange with Boudicca... and it is quite possible that it is the strangest exchange via the internet that I've ever had... which is saying a lot.... anyway, I was told something that I was honestly ignorant of... sure, the Blogosphere is full of freaks, geniuses, flashers, and ego-maniacs... but in all my years of corresponding with them, I've never stumbled upon the fact that Mormons have special underwear.... so, thank you, Bou... I don't know where I'd be without you... still, someone should have sent me the memo...

... anyway, to cut a long story even shorter, here's the deal... as a public service announcement, be it herein known, Mormons wear a body sock with reinforcements... pretty damn kinky, if you ask me.... and I, as you all know, am a sworn proponent of boycotting knickers in general... freedom, that's what God intended... flowing in the breeze, and knocking at your knees mid-thigh....

... and it is at such times as I am currently experiencing - this shocking revelation of Mormon underwear - that I question the validity of the religious way of life....

... what's my point?... well, as is often the case, I have none... other than to say that if the Mormons ever moved to the South, they'd be in for trying times... indeed, they'd either convert to a different religion, or die of heat stroke... now, I'm all for religious tolerance, but I have to say... even the Great State of Tennessee is not friendly to cotton knickers in July and August... much less full-body socks with reinforced nipple-covers.... chaffing, rashes, and dehydration await the Mormons that wanders South... it's a sore, but salient fact, people... it's not the heat down here, but the humidity that kills ya...

Posted by Eric at July 30, 2005 12:59 PM @ 12:59 PM in All Things Evil // Permalink | TrackBack

Wow...I had no idea too. And hell, I have actually KNOWN Mormons. I actually went to a Mormon wedding reception (non-mormons can't watch the ceremony). Weird...so weird!

Posted by: Dorothy at July 30, 2005 01:57 PM

LOL! You are very welcome. Heh. To think I was able to teach the SWG something. Kinda blows me away...

Posted by: Bou at July 30, 2005 03:14 PM

Whoa, you go commando? Nice... :) So, um... when did you say you were submitting that Application to Date Me on my blog? ;) And do you wear mini-skirts on the first date? ;)

Posted by: TheBisch at July 30, 2005 05:15 PM

.. Mr. TheBisch, I appreciate your sentiment.. however, my name is Eric and I'm married... I'm merely guest posting for Cat while she's away..

... although, I must admit, I am quite flattered...

Posted by: Eric at July 30, 2005 05:22 PM

Doh, I missed that one. :) That's what happens when you travel for work and then come back and try to catch up on two weeks of blog reading!

Posted by: TheBisch at July 30, 2005 05:29 PM

No such thing. Nope. Never. No way.

Posted by: Denise at July 30, 2005 10:38 PM

hangin' in the breeze
right up against
a tree
Burlap!!! Are you NUTS!
Damn, that hurts just thinking about it!
Who the heck invented underwear anyway... it's a stupid tradition...
used to be underwear was considered decadent and immoral
Women may have worn alot of petticoats and corsettes but not knickers!
You do know the majority of Mormons live in Utah
Where the temps can really rise to heights of hell
And, it's mostly desert
Well...the climate IS dry
So...not so tough with the Xtra layers I suppose
But, think about THIS:
Where on earth did they come up with another layer of clothes?
Some Mormons have several wives........so.........um
Well, they also have lots of little rugrats.......
Hey, maybe the extra layer of cloth is actually a stimulant?
I actually know some Mormon people in Utah, Nevada and TeXass
(too chickenshit to ask them)

Eric? Is this one of those bizarro weirdass traditions nobody can figure out where it came from and what it means and what the point of it all is because it happened in some past millenium that doesn't exactly apply to this millenium and ........is it like the speaking in tongues deal?
All I know is, somebody's got some 'esplainin' ta do!

And, I found a PICTURE of Mormon Garments
I can't seem to get this site to take a link, so here it is the hard way:

Ya know...this is kinda sick. No offense.
I saw one acticle that they use them for evidence of ........ excitement.
Not sure if that's exactly true...
Well...um...look at that guys...

Posted by: Sinequanon at July 31, 2005 02:03 AM

all that underwear talk got Cat's readers worked up and you got asked out!! too funny, man...

Posted by: shoe at July 31, 2005 01:40 PM