A Swift Kick & A Band-Aid

Happy New Year

Hopefully everyone is out and having a wonderful New Year's celebration by now. And if you aren't out, then hopefully you're either getting lit at home or you're in the process of getting yourself out somewhere. This is no night for sitting on your duff.

Personally, I will be struttin my stuff in the new boots...

(hey, I said BOOTS...)

Slowly Speeding By

Techno music was blarring, so loudly in fact that nothing else worldly could hardly be heard. The loudest sounds were the panicked and angry, silent screams of frustration.
The world moved by slow enough to make out every detail as it passed by. But the world sped by fast enough to make holding on a futile effort.

I sat in the back of the car today as we drove down the freeway, watching everything I called home speed by as something no longer mine. I nearly cried as I simply let go... of the hopes, the dreams, the plans, the everything that I thought I had found here. It isn't my home anymore. It isn't a place of relaxation or safety.

This is a painful memory of what is never to come alive for me ... one that is slowly speeding by ...

Run-Run Run Run Run Away

Well, more like ran away...

I managed a keen escape this morning and was able to flee the confines of not only my mother's house, but the town my parents live in all together. After careful, elaborate, and repetitous planning, I was able to make my get away on a train. Not the fastest of exits, but it got the job done.

For the next undisclosed period of time, I shall be in San Diego instead. Blogging may be even lighter - I have many things to see and people to do, you know - but I can't say for sure. In fact, I'd tell you more, but then I'd have to kill you... at least most of you... The hot ones I might keep around for a few extra days...

Dear Flexies

Dear 'Flexible People'

We have had many good times together. You are wonderful to spend time with. But, I think you are a little confused about that label you put on yourself. You are not flexible.

You are flakey. You are unreliable. You are the antithesis of commitment.

In your aim to be the most easy going of the bunch, you are complicating the lives of others - namely mine in this case. It is often much less forthcoming than would be useful as the rest of us attempt to plan what you refuse to do.

Your last minute actions, notifications, and decisions do not adequately take into consideration the impact you have on others. You shirk a position that would allow you to be held accountable at a later date. You frustrate those around you that try to be a part of your lives.

I would like to ask that in the future, could you simply communicate your wants and/or needs instead of attempting to appear the least rigid or problematic of the group?

Thanks! I look forward to many more good times.

Love,
Your friend - Princess Planner Pants

What Was That Road Paved With Again?

You know that handbasket Eric is over there pontificating about? I seem to have found one of my own...

Things with mom have completely gone to shit. Things with dad have gone farther downhill. Lil bro has gone back to his I'm-far-too-busy-for-family lifestyle. Friends in town have apparently fallen off the planet, for whatever reason.

The plans to go to San Fran seem to be scrapped - which isn't a huge disappointment - but it puts me in an odd bind of where to spend the rest of my time out here in Cali. For the first time in my life, I'm anxious to get back to DC. I am antsy to have my space back, where I can think or experience my feelings without being observed or interrogated.

... I fully grasp that all this stress and drama is due in part to my willingness to confront people on uncomfortable issues, things they don't want to see or talk about. But personally, I'd rather put my cards on the table than just sit quietly by. Because how can I expect anyone to understand how their actions affect others if I never tell them? At least there is hope when you speak up. Silence guarantees nothing but more of the same...

"But if history teaches anything, it teaches that simpleminded appeasement or wishful thinking about our adversaries is folly. It means the betrayal of our past, the squandering of our freedom." -- Ronald Reagan

All That 'In-the-Future' Kind of Stuff...

Those dudes over at the Ministry of Minor Perfidy are hosting this week's Carnival of the Future ... it's #16 this time, you know ...

And since I don't have anything even remotely positive to say after today's adventures, I highly recommend you read their stuff instead. It's far better reading. And probably more useful too...

Plus, Buckethead tells good stories, so go give him some traffic and tell him the Princess sent you. And if you really want him to like you, take some beer...

A Day With The Gipper

The best thing about staying at my mom's house is being able to go spend time at the Reagan Presidential Library.

If you're ever near LA, I highly recommend it.

Afterall, he's the greatest president ever...

On Christmas

Despite all the drama this year, I think I may have learned to be a little more of a Christmas kind of gal...

It is the first time in many years that I have finally felt supported and valued. I have spent less of my time feeling alone and abandoned, despite the moments I have found myself in tears. And I owe my blogger friends a great big thank you for that. I probably would not have had the emotional stamina to stand my ground if it were not for their tremendously kind words of encouragement.

Who knows ... maybe a few more years like this and I'll be the 'sphere's next Tammi at Christmas...

Ear Drum, Meet Q-tip...

"Sometimes my mouth is good for something..." -- stepmom to Dad

UGH
*shudder*

Now how do I eject that DVD from my mind's memory playback system...

Gross

That One Christmas Eve...

I think I should stop and clarify for a moment ...
When I bitched previously about my mistreatment at the hands of Dad's wife, I did not mean to imply that the mistreatment was in solely my direction. She is mean to my brother, just as deeply, but much more often since he lives in town. I did not mean to imply that this woman had it out for me - she resents and mistreats every decent aspect of my father's life ... not just me...

That being said... we had dinner together tonight - My father, my grandmother, my aunt, my brother, the step family, and me ...

An Italian restaurant, with nothing even remotely known as Italian American on the menu, on Christmas Eve. You couldn't even find meat on the menu hardly. No spaghetti, no lasagna, no chicken parmigiano. And the service was terrible.

The only upside to missing tradition, any sort of family bond, or seasonal atmosphere? Lots and lots of wine

Hope Santa still brings presents to us girls well on our way to being smashed!

Snapped

I think I've hit a record here ...

Less than 24 hours in town and already I've been reduced to tears

You see, I've got half the family up in arms because I've decided to put my foot down this year. And in defending myself I ended up in a reddened faced ball of tears, with my Scotch-Irish heritage giving away just how upset I really was as my whole neck turned a blushing, blotchy, bright red too.

For at least six holiday seasons I have had to put up with the ice queen my father married a few years ago. Every time we meet, she is mean. Just plain mean. I am not supposed to talk about it because it makes my dad uncomfortable. I am supposed to be the bigger person and let it go. I am supposed to brush it off and just accept that it is the way she is, it is nothing personal.

Well you know what? It is personal. It is hurtful. It is uncalled for. And I never hear so much as an "it is unfortunate that she treats you this way" out of my father.

I believe I have been patient. I believe I have been tolerant of the time it takes to blend two instant families. I even understand that no amount of will to do so can change another person's thoughts or behaviors. However, that time of leniency has run out and I have decided that there will be no more. I love my father, I want to see him, and I want to spend Christmas with his side of my family, but I refuse to do it at his house and on her turf. Because if my father cannot nuture my discomfort and insult at the hands of his wife, then I will not be willfully wounded on his behalf.

But to the rest of the family, I am just a bitch...

United Ghetto Airlines

Can someone please tell me when United Airlines became the airline dedicated to uniting each and every ghetto by putting a representative population on every flight? Cuz it's a stupid idea...

I was so excited to be on a 777 last night, with an aisle seat no less. There was no way this flight could suck. It was even direct!

Oh dear sweet holy Hannah was I wrong...

My entire row was filled with spoiled hood rats and a fobby bitch. Call me racist if you like, but these people were every bit those derogatory terms. Three kids who looked like their crack whore mother had married rich were playing with every high tech toy imaginable... at high volume. The parents were on the plane somewhere, just not anywhere reasonably close. The DVD player didn't have headphones ... because they all had to watch it at the same time. God forbid they watch one of the other seven video entertainment channels provided by the airline... did you hear me? I said SEVEN! Oh, and then there's the flight attendant call button... That thing rang so many times I lost count. And not just a *ding* (wait patiently) ... No, I heard *ding* (2 seconds) *ding* (2 seconds) *ding* ... It was ridiculous. The flight attendants were pissed. And you know what these hood rats wanted? More peanuts and Mt. Dew.

And the fobby bitch? Ugh... The kind that wears contacts so her eyes are a different color than is ever going to happen in her race and a trucker hat that says "take a number" while giving everyone she sees the "Ugh, what the hell do you think you are even looking at?" To which I think, "how retarded you look cuz it certainly isn't anything else... you look like a 10 yr old boy in girl's clothes!" All I heard from this bitch was "excuse me" "excuse me" "EXCUSE ME!" every time I fell asleep, every time the flight attendant walked by, every time the kid next to her breathed wrong...

And don't even get me started on the third world conference that impeded me from picking up my luggage in a timely fashion. These damn 'I-refuse-to learn-English-because-I-swam-here-fair-and-square' little pricks literally squeezed themselves between me and the conveyor belt. I was so pissed by this point that once one of the moved I shoved myself in between them and then I yanked my bags off the carousel each with one hand and carried them out that way, one in each hand ... in addition to holding my coat and a shopping bag, and wearing my backpack. And of course on my way out I did my best 'get-the-fuck-out-of-my-goddamn-way' look and my best 'I-will-so-seriously-kick-your-ass-if-you-even-think-of-fucking-with-me' walk. The tatted up, pierced, dressed in black, hardcore band looked at me like "whoa... let's not mess with this chick"

It was NOT a good flight

Off, Off, and Away!

7 Day Forcast for A Swift Kick & A Band-Aid:

Mom's house

That's right, it's family time again ... dammit ... I'm hopping myself on a plane this evening and landing my ass in LA. But at least it is a direct flight this time...

Blogging will be lighter that usual but I won't be disappearing entirely this time. I'll need ya'll in order to keep my sanity. Christmas with my family is just plain drama.

Last year I lost all the trust I had built up in my brother because of how badly he acted. This year, he's pissed at me for putting my foot down about the step-family. I'm sure that will blow up pretty hardcore in the next couple of days. But I'm still waiting to see who will be the big winner of this year's Christmas Douche Award for greatest betrayal. Anyone want to place their bets?

Well That Semester SUCKED...

I have grades from two of my three courses up and boy is viewing them painful...

I'm generally little miss good grade...

So far,
One B ... very hard to swallow but probably very well deserved. I struggled with those four papers like I have never struggled with any assignment before.

One B+ ... incredibly disappointed here ... I loved this class. The final was a piece of cake, which can only mean I did miserable on my paper. Guess he didn't think I was creative enough...

And I don't expect a wonderful grade in the remaining course. That professor and I clashed a bit, and he tried to nail me saying I didn't turn in a final paper, when I had proof that I had.

I will be so glad when I have graduated...

UPDATE:
The last grade finally came in. Another B+ ...
I know I shouldn't really care at this point - how much is my GPA going to matter once I've landed a job? But it is the first time in my life that there wasn't an A/A- on the grade report. A definite blow to the ego, but also a reflection of how disinterested I've become in the program.
My courses in the PhD department were tough, they were a challenge, they attempted to answer some of the questions plaguing our field. Maybe I need to be back in that department instead....

Christmas Movies

Tammi has tagged me with the 5 Christmas Movies Meme, with the expectation that I will have a surprise or two up my sleeve no less ... but I don't think have any surprises left on this one.

ELF is the only Christmas movie I can remember watching in the last 5 years. That has to say something for it. It means you just have to laugh... "Hello, this is Buddy the Elf, what's your favorite color?"

But, you see, I usually change the channel with Christmas movies come on TV. I'm not much of a Christmas kind of gal ... there's not another season that leaves me more disappointed and depressed. At some point, I end up off in a corner somewhere crying, every year.

I love doing things for others, buying them gifts and making them cookies, making other people feel valued and loved ... but I do that whenever I can, not just Christmas. The exchange of wish lists and poorly thought out gifts that do not reflect any real relationship between the giver and the receiver leaves me cold inside. It cheapens the idea of gift giving as a whole, it means no one really knows a thing about each other ... and the whole season has become nothing but that empty trade ...

I'm not upset over the commercialization of Christmas because people have to choose to participate in commercial activities. If people want Christmas to be religious and/or spiritual, they will experience it that way in their own personal way. That is the nature of faith, personal choices, experiences, and relationships ... ones that no one could ever take away from your heart where you live them the most deeply.

I grow increasingly frustrated by the multitude of people who talk the talk of acting in the spirit of Christmas and are so proud that they have been nice to others during the month of December. Where were you the rest of the year? Are you really proud of yourself for dropping a couple of nickels in the Salvation Army bucket when you've ignored every other charity all year long? Are you really proud of yourself for smiling at the person in the next car over a couple of extra times when the rest of the year you'll probably cut that person off four times that amount? The mass of hypocrites and fair weather good Samaritans is enough to make me skip Christmas all together.

And then there are my personal Christmas experiences... lets just say my family is full of those hypocrites - the ones that get on your case for the way you are behaving, that tell you to live in the spirit of Christmas, and then go behave worse than they do the rest of the year. Christmas has always meant fighting. It has always meant a lot of alone time, abandonment, and a lack of love. As an adult, it grew to mean egregious betrayal was in the works. Those that I love and trust are the most hateful at Christmas.

Every year I try to start fresh, to love the season, to be cheery, to spread joy and happiness ... but it never seems to work ...

I'm just not much of a Christmas kind of gal

On Irony

Some days, the very thing that I love about blogging is the one thing I hate. What brings a smile to my face and a little boost to my ego most of the time, on a different day, can leave me slightly resentful with a dash of bitter taste in my mouth.

People read me. I have regular readers. My site meter continues to climb.

I have no idea who most of these people are. I have no idea why they come here to read about my battles through grad school and the drama of being mid-20's. The majority of readers I will never know or meet and some of them I already do.

People think I'm interesting. I contribute something to someone else's life. Maybe I make them smile too.

I come here to share my happiness and hope it spreads, to be whimsical in ways my real life cannot afford, to connect with others in the world that I may never otherwise know. I write here to spend a few moments wallowing in my disappointments before I put them away, to spew my pain before it breaks me under its weight, to vent my anger before it eats me alive.

But, dammit, people read me ... and I cannot find peace at their expense ...

Psychic Panties

What Your Underwear Says About You

You like to think of yourself as innocent, even though you're not! You're a closet exhibitionist who gets a thrill from being secretly naughty.

Anyone that needed to check my panties to know this... well, let's just say they're dense enough they'd learn how to drown on dry land...

Let's Bring Em Home (pt II)

There is only one more week standing between us and Christmas. I know this because the annoying lady on the radio commercials keeps reminding me in her nagging voice, "until next week... tick tick tick..." Ugh, I could kick her in the teeth most mornings.

But this one week until Christmas means that there's also only one more week to get Ernie's Let's Bring Em Home project to its goal. While he unfortunately can't reunite military in the desert with their families, he's working very hard to bring as many service members as possible to be with their families elsewhere in the States.

So head on over to www.LBEH.org and pay forward a couple bucks of kindness, if you can afford to. That young service member who ordinarily would have spent another holiday alone will really appreciate it.

They are only $3107.85 short, I know we can do this!

sigma squared (names)

Not only do I have exes with the same name, I have friends that share the name as well... I am growing very weary of the confusion that it is causing...

Tonight's confusion...

Army Wife: "So, are you going to get so-and-so anything for his birthday?"

Princess Cat: "Yeah... I'm going to... blah blah blah blah"

...insert an occassional "uh huh" "oh, he'd like that" where appropriate...

...continue explanation for 10 minutes...

AW: "Really?"

PC: "Yeah, he'd really like it"

AW: "Wait, for so-and-so??"

PC: "No... the other so-and-so"

AW: "OH! Ok, that makes a lot more sense... I was thinking you sure were going to a lot of trouble..."

Yeah, so I turned eight shades of red for having answered in a very long and detailed manner a question that was not even asked.

Someone needs to get on increasing the variance of male names in the world...

On Laptops

Seems as though Dad has tasked me to find out which of the thousand laptops on the market is worth buying. I hate asking for help from you all, but... anyone know anything about these confusing creatures?

He's looking for a lightweight, normal sized model with decent battery life.

In fact, he had his heart set on the VIAO 670B/P until he realized it was a little too tiny to do much work on.

So, can anyone with some info hook me up? I'll totally owe you!

Stretched Thin

Apparently the final stretch of the semester and work, piled on top of a mountain of personal shit, has gotten to me more than I imagined it had...

In the last several days...

I have forgotten a whole slew of basic things I am kicking myself in the ass for being a fucktard about..

I forgot how to add (11+2 does not equal 11... so the cashier at the restaurant tells me)...

I left my tupperware containers and my favorite fleece at the bar on Friday...

and I forgot to send in the rebates for the new hard drive...

I'm effin' losing it

I love ya'll, but I am going to be getting some serious sleep the next couple of days. If you can't find me, check my bed or my couch... I'm probably crashed on one of them...

Soaked

I simply cannot stop laughing at the Pee Talk over at Big Dick's Place.

I can't even begin to explain how funny it is...

Just go read it, but put your coffee down first.

Kindness of Strangers

Wind was whipping through the city, the temperature could not have been more than 25 degrees...

Calf length coats that were once so elegant on the hanger, promising to keep their owners warm were uselessly flapping, betraying everything they stood for...

Pedestrians were few and far between, most of them shivering as they rushed along to their warm office buildings...

People normally (somewhat) cheerful kept their heads down in silence, watching their breath expose the truth of their insanity for being out in weather like this...

A cute pair stood out as a rarity, bright-eyed and chatty...

Standing on the corner waiting for the light to turn he said, "Wow, your ears must really be cold..."
She nodded, smiling shyly with a bit of embarrassment for being so unprepared.
"You should get yourself some earmuffs..."
Still somewhat embarrassed she said, "I know..."

She returned her gaze to the ground, wiggling to keep warm...
He reached into his bag, retrieving a fleece headband...

I politely declined, blaming my hair for not already having one...

We crossed the street...

He continued on his merry way to work with the cute chick he had originally been chatting with...

I still amazed that the kindness of strangers still sometimes manages to survive this city...just amazed...

On Lurking

As promised when I started as an intern, I finally coughed up the URL to my blog. The other intern and my boss now have a free pass to read anything and everyting I have ever written about them or while working with them.

Everybody stop and wave to the boss... *beauty queen wave*

Tomorrow is my last day so I figure, what the hell... what's the worst that could happen? At least they didn't stalk me to find it ...

Please Hold

...Please stay on the line, your call is very important to us...

My final paper of the semester is due this afternoon so that explains the bit of quiet on the blog. But I'll be back later this evening...

...hopefully rather intoxicated...

UPDATE (12:17am):
I am not rather intoxicated as planned. In fact, I am far too sober for how stressful this semester was. Getting lost in the city, being late, having to walk between bars in the freezing cold, and having friends flake out is a bit of a buzz kill. But, (silver lining time) there is always Friday's happy hour... that is my last day of work for an entire month!!! Perhaps a bit of drunk blog on Friday instead.

Let's Bring Em Home

Its holiday time and Ernie has rolled out his Lets Bring Em Home project for the fifth year in a row. It keeps growing and growing, bringing home more and more troops, one at a time, to be with their families for the holidays. I'm a little late in getting this up but there is still time for donations. Please take a moment to check it out and help in whatever way you can. If you haven't heard about it, you can read below how Ernie takes donations and uses them to bring junior military personnel together with their loved ones.

This is our fifth year taking donations to purchase plane tickets for junior enlisted military personnel, allowing them the opportunity to fly home and spend the holidays with their families. This program was initially started in December 2001 to show our grateful appreciation to American service members deployed in support of Operation Enduring Freedom, and has become an annual tradition ever since.

Our heartfelt appreciation to EVERYONE who donated in 2004 and we hope we can count on you this year too! With your help, we hope to reach our goal of $50,000 in donations for Christmas 2005!

Remember, your donations are tax deductible - you can view our non-profit 501(c) info here!

Thank you to everyone who has the money or frequent flier miles to donate, to all those who donanted to Valor-IT, and to all those doing everything they can to help make the holidays a little easier on the men and women in uniform.

5 More Weird Habits

Since I got hit by this meme a second time (this time from Sissy), I guess I'll answer it again. I figure I'm weird enough I've got another five floating around here somewhere...

1. I shop for bath products whenever I am feeling sad or stressed, but I don't really like to take baths. I'm a big shower kind of girl...

2. I keep my hair really long and refuse to cut it short(er) because I think I look stupid with short hair...but I almost always wear my hair up...

3. I can't leave the house without seeing how my butt looks in the mirror, while I'm dancing... even if I'm going to work...

4. I memorize cheesey movies from years ago that no one else would ever admit to watching, let alone memorizing. For example, Hackers or The Cutting Edge

5. I have a habit of walking like I'm going to beat someone's ass... through the airport, going home from work, shopping at the grocery store... just about anywhere I am walking to a specific end point. (Maybe this is why I always have to ask dudes out and they rarely do the asking?)

Now this means I get to hit five MORE people...MUHAHAHA!
Zonker
Ted
Shoe
Amelie
Redneck

Why? Because...

I burst into tears watching TV last night ... again ... not out of saddness but out of that "I've-totally-been-there" connection. The character was crying, so I was crying. Grey's Anatomy does it to me almost every time I remember to watch. The scene...

Alex: "Why are you here helping me after what I did?" [he cheated on her]

Izzy: "Because... it's what JESUS WOULD FREAKIN' DO!"

Nearly every one of my exes has asked me that question in some form or another and my answer was always "because it's what I do." I can't say I do it because it is what Jesus would do, mostly because religion and faith are still a huge jumble of confusion in my head, but it's the same idea. They lie, they cheat, they screw me over and, even in my anger, I'm there to help them when they really need it...because that's what good people do. Because I can't sit by and let someone fail when I know I can keep them from failing. Because in the end, my pain is temporary and being able to look myself in the mirror every morning is for good. Because maybe, just maybe, if I keep putting little bits of good into the world, they willl add up and someday it won't be such a painful thing to get through.

Dude, Remember That One Time...?

I found this nifty little idea over at Tammi's Place, who found it at Sgt Hook's Place, who found it at Acidman's Place, etc...

Please post a comment with a completely fictional memory of you and me. It can be anything you want– good or bad, silly or stupid, believable or not – but it has to be fake. (I expect you to be really creative here too!)

When you’re finished, post this paragraph on your blog and be surprised (or mortified) about what people don’t actually remember about you.

I can only imagine what you people don't remember about me...

Calling All Cookies

The time has come for the annual cookie exchange... and I am recipe-less...

Between finals week and my final week as an intern, I don't have a whole lot of time to put into preparing for this event. However, I have a reputation with the attendees of this particular event. They are under the impression that I am some fantastic and unique chef of sorts...

...No Pressure...

So, I turn to you, dear 'sphere-o-philes...
I know that someone out there has an easy and elegant cookie recipe. Is anyone kind enough to pass theirs on?

My 5 Weird Habits

Matty Blackfive has tagged me with the Meme "5 Weird Habits" so... here goes... ya'll asked for it...

1. I wear a pair of hefty black boots to work everyday...rain or shine... every day. People are always looking at me like I'm prepping for the coming invasion. You never know when you'll need to engage in a little office combat...

2. I use chopsticks for every possible task I can think of. In fact, I have probably just as many pair of chopsticks as I do forks. Some I use in my hair, others are for eating, and others are for cooking. I knew I was weird when my Chinese friend came over for holiday dinner at my house and tilted her head crooked while she watched me cook. I was scrambling eggs in a rice bowl for a Thanksgiving/Christmas dinner, with chopsticks... and even the Chinese immigrant looked at me funny... Fine, it's weird.

3. All the women will hate me for this one... I have a habit of training myself into disliking foods that I know I shouldn't be eating. I can't manage to train myself out of chocolate but I did manage to effectively wipe pizza and lasagna off the menu. They still taste good, but I have to make myself want to eat them now.

4. In keeping with the food theme... I've grossed a lot of people out with this one. The Scandinavian crowd will be with me on this one though... I think. I like to eat pancakes with a thin layer of sour cream on them. And if you put a thin layer of blackberry jam on top of that... MMMmmm, boy is it yummy! You get sweet and savory, hot and cold... Damn, now I'm hungry...

5. I'm a dancing fool. Not the kind that has all kinds of impressive moves... the kind that does it all the time (so long as no one is looking). I rock out at my desk while writing papers blogging. I listen to country and I can't help but line dance in my head, even in the shower. I'm constantly singing and dancing in the mirror when I'm having a good day... on a really geeky day I even bring out the cowboy hat and rock out like I'm on a stage... (oh god, did I just admit that?)

And just as a bonus weird habit, how about a non-habit?
... I don't drive ... period. Weird, huh?

So, since I have to tag five other people... I choose
Eric
RSM
The Maximum Leader
Dawn
Buckethead

Stimpy...You IDIOT!

Yeah, um...move over Stimpy...

I broke up with my boyfriend in October and we've been trying to do the whole friends thing. It's been a little turbulent at times, but we're trying...

We had a bit of a tiff this morning so I spent a good portion of the day e-mailing a different ex, good friend of mine, getting his view on things. Which was all good until I was an idiot...

I swear all I did was hit reply...

My last email to the ex-ex with a nasty note about the ex, somehow went to the ex instead...

Damn them for having the same name!

Hi, My name is Princess Cat and I am an IDIOT!

*head* *hit* *desk*

Permission Denied

Maybe you had to be there, but the woman I was talking to at the time found this conversation uproaringly funny...

Her: I think we are overwhelming them a bit

Me: Yeah, I think so too. Even when I walked up to meet them and it was just me, they seemed a little overwhelmed with the situation. I mean, come on... I'm just the intern...

Her: I don't know why... It's not like we bite... hard...

Me: I know... I'm not even authorized for that here!

I know, I know... I'm such a dork...

Pearl Harbor Day

Today is the other day we remind ourselves never to forget... to remember those who were caught by surprise and mourn their loss, all those years ago...

Lessons...

I learned three very important lessons tonight...

1. I don't like 7-layer burritos. And never again will I eat anything from Taco Bell that has beans in it. No ill effects, just a nasty taste.

2. Sheila is a bitch. I don't know what I did to piss her off, but apparently I did something... cuz not only is she not dead, she fixed herself and I have no idea how. Now, I have some idea what men go through...

3. Computers can and will delete an entire night's worth of work on a paper you didn't want to write in the first place, on the most inopportune night possible, just to make sure you remember what it feels like to build character.

Lessons suck...

Crushed

Anyone who knows me knows that Sheila is pretty much everything to me. She is my single greatest possession and I have my whole life stored on her hard drive.

Imagine how I feel right now, just home from work, expecting to finish up a couple papers... only to find that Sheila's dead... or damn close to it...

She didn't load right, I tried rebooting her a couple of times, but to no avail...

Half my program files are gone and not a single personal file or folder is left in existance.

I'm crushed... and have no idea how to fix it....

On *gasp* Snow

Yes, the first snow of the season has arrived. *grump* And thus marks the period of the year where I will now leave my house if and only if (and/or when) I am forced to do so.

*pout*

Why can't the snow just keep the hell away from me?! If I wanted to see snow, I'd have opened a photo album. If I wanted to experience snow, I'd have gotten on a plane and gone to where it is supposed to snow. It is not supposed to snow within a 10 mile radius of me... ever... regardless of where I stupidly moved to pursue this damn career of mine... unless I have expressedly told the weather otherwise, in writing, in triplicate, 45 days in advance....

Yeah, yeah, snow is a wonderful, life sustaining beauty we have been blessed with. Fine, I'll give you most of that. Lord knows my beloved Southern California would be even more screwed on its water situation if we didn't have snow...

...But it's violating the restraining order ... *whine*

I'd Rather Do You On the Backseat of My Car

Ugh... is this what dating again is going to be like?

"Kylie" by Akcent**
Kylie give me
Kylie give me

Baby, you're the one that melt my heart
I swear I'm not lying
Maybe tonight I'm gonna try my luck
I can see that you want me
I'm dreaming about you every night
Every night

refrain:
Kylie give me just a chance
Let's go out and dance
We can get into the groove
I can watch you move
Later you can sing to me
Like a shining star
But I rather do you on the backseat of my car
(2x)

Baby, take a minute check me out
I sit in the frontrow
Baby I'm the coolest guy in the crowd
I'm sure you have seen me
I'm dreaming about you every night
every night

refrain

You drive me crazy
You slowly drive me crazy
Think about you baby
Can't get you out of my mind
I should be lucky
I should be so lucky
I should be lucky to sleep with you tonight

Kylie
Kylie

refrain

Kylie give me

**I tried to upload the file but it was too large :o(

Corners...

The funny thing about them is, if you aren't looking for them... you just might not see them coming up as you slide yourself along that wall you are using to keep yourself upright as you struggle to escape where you came from...

But let me tell you, when you get flung around that corner you didn't see coming, it can smart the elbow or the toes pretty good.

Tonight, I myself banged up a couple toes ... despite the fact that I've been looking for that corner for a year or so ... that sucker just came out of nowhere! It feels good to be on this side of the wall for a change. I found couple of little pieces of me that have been hiding around this corner too. I didn't know where in the maze of life they got lost but I'm hoping they stick around for a while.

At the end of the night, banged up or not, I've turned a corner... and most people would call that progress. I'm gonna run with it.

(Why am I starting to feel like Tammi's silver lining fairy stopped by for a visit?)

Swamps & Bogs

No, I'm not dead... I just wish I were...

It's the last week of classes and final paper are upon me. That alone is enough to make anyone want to play in traffic. But, I am managing to get through it... so far...

I have 20-24 pgs due Wednesday, an assignment due next Tuesday of unknown length or topic, and 20-25 pgs due next Wednesday.

If I'm a little crabby, now you know why...

Disconnected

There was a good portion of my day today where I simply refused to be available... to anyone that didn't really want my attention, that is. I didn't open outlook and I didn't check any of the mail I have on webservers. And to tell you the truth, I kinda liked it.

You see, if you have my phone number, but you e-mail me anyway... I sometimes get the feeling that what you had to say wasn't all that damn important. Sometimes I'm right, the emails don't have much important to say. Sometimes I make that judgement call myself and just slap the label on there specifically because you chose to email the contents instead of call. Most of the time when that happens, people have their story all lined up already...

- I was too busy to talk so I just sent of a quick email instead...

- I wanted to talk to you but I didn't want to interrupt what you were doing...

- I thought maybe it would be better if we didn't talk so I just emailed it off instead...

Do you see a trend here? My thoughts on those stories...If it were that damn important to you, you wouldn't have been too busy, you would have risked interrupting, or you would have put your balls on the line and tried to talk about it. But apparently whatever it is you had to say just wasn't...

So if its not that damn important to you, I'm not going feel bad for being disconnected for a few hours of sanity.

Those of you without my number, I apologize...

Walk the Line

I saw Walk the Line last night. Let me tell you, it was a hard movie to watch. It was a good movie, but I almost walked out on at least three separate occasions because it weighed so heavy on me that I thought I might never get the tears to stop if I stayed. However, I did stay and was able to manage keeping the waterworks to a minimum.

Earlier yesterday, I read Eric's take on the movie...

… the sad thing is, Johnny Cash had everything.. fame, fortune, and blowjobs from adoring bobby-soxers… but he drove himself into the ground because his Pa was an asshole… full of self-pity, the Great Man in Black had the backbone of slow-boiled Cajun shrimp.. at least according to the movie… it took June Carter straightening him up and stroking his ego to save him from oblivion…

I have to say, no disrespect intended, I didn't see things quite the same way. Of course, most everything I now know about Johnny Cash (other than the music) is from this movie, so I could be off in left field picking belly button lint for all I know. But I saw Johnny Cash as someone far from that with a backbone of slow-boiled shrimp. I saw a man more honest with himself than most people I've met today, that lacked the tools and support to constructively manage that honesty. There were no secrets about his pain or where it came from. I saw a man that knew, deep down, that he was worth something with great things to offer. But I also saw a man that saw himself through glasses that, unfortunately, no one else wore. His mirror became their perception. He was abandoned, even in success, and turned to vices for comfort.

June Carter didn't stroke his ego. From what I saw, she elegantly kicked him more times than most any man could ever take. What man today do you know that would keep coming back after all the closed doors and broken dreams? Not many. June Carter didn't straighten him up. She walked away from the self-destructive behavior and refused to be a part of the negative comfort seeking lifestyle he was leading. What June Carter did for Johnny Cash was the greatest thing any person can do for another - she shattered that mirror of other people's perceptions. She wore the glasses he had worn so long ago. She allowed him to see a better reality that didn't need to be escaped.

I will admit, no one is bulletproof, but in my mind, my heros will always be 6 feet tall... You see, my heros are the ones that struggle but manage to get back up again. The ones that can stumble, falter, and fall, but always return with a comeback. The ones that inspire perserverence and determination by their success against adversity, not their luck or aura of Godliness. Anyone that can keep walking forward, no matter how many roadblocks come up or how many times they make the wrong choice, will forever be the tallest person I know.

Feisty and Fun

Sometimes things are just not what you think... Just take the following description, for example. What if it were to be vaguely considered a personal ad?

5'6, top heavy SWF
Former cheerleader, go-go dancer, and cocktail waitress
Dyed hair
Pierced
Multiple tattoos

She sounds sort of interesting, doesn't she? Probably fun, maybe a little wild? Perhaps has a freaky streak somewhere that might make it worth the date to find out for sure...? After all, it is Friday night and all... But wait, there's more!

Surprise! That's a description of none other than MY MOM!

Damn near every woman over the age of 25 has their hair dyed, no surprise there.

Only her ears are pierced, and only once at that.

The multiple tattoos...? Not really what you're thinking here.... She has small, pinpoint tattoos they gave her during her radiation treatment and she had permanent eyeliner tattooed on her eyes. Nothing so wild and crazy about that, now is there?

But she really was a cheerleader, go-go dancer, and bar maid in her younger days.

Guess you've got to be careful what you think when you're reading these blogs, now don't you?

Crap Queens

Riding home on the train tonight, I encountered two surprises...that when combined just sent it all down in flames...

#1 - the train was damn near empty. Hallelujah!

#2 - two overly flamboyant, broke-down, stank-ass, ghetto queens (and yes, I do mean queen in the way you think I mean queen) thought they owned the joint.

Ordinarily two queens on an empty train would have made for a pretty entertaining situation but these two just jacked that whole idea all to hell.

Most queens have some kind of flashy outfit that is mildly amusing... These guys were dressed in dirty, baggy clothes (mostly black) that looked like they had been worn for two weeks straight. They were complete with nappy, badly dyed hair that had no style. Accentuated by the stupid 'i-stole-a-pair-of-my-momma's-stockings-and-put-them-on-my-head' type hats. (come on, are they 'hats'? really? are they?)

Most queens will entertain you (in the Montel kind of way) with their flamboyant speech and dramatic conversations... These guys were just loud and obnoxious about a whole lot of nothing interesting... across the train from each other...

Most queens have some attention getting 'talent' that is mildly amusing... These guys were not blessed with such gifts... or grace... or talent. Period. They had a CD player that they turned up loud enough to hear without wearing the headphones... to which the one not near it felt the need to sing along with...very poorly. He missed the beat, forgot the words, and just plain sucked.

Scampered about the train and echoing their antics through the whole car, they were perhaps some of the most annoying people I have ever come into contact with. And I've met a fair number of Demorats, so that's saying a lot. So here's what I think should happen as a result of the pain I suffered at their expense...

The real queens of DC should get together and beat these two crap queens within an inch of their lives with their old stilettos. They are giving queens everywhere a bad name ... and depriving the entire metro area of the comedic blogfodder that a queenie encounter should deliver...

(I wonder how many friends my gay republican friend will bring to the fight)

Thursday's Yummies

So this dude is still all about drooling over Claudia Black. I do see his point though, she is quite the sight sometimes, especially as her character Aeryn:

But just between you, me, and the 'sphere, after having met the dude, I'm not so sure he can really handle a tough chick like that... women like that are best left to the curious chicks professionals such as myself...