December 23, 2005

United Ghetto Airlines

Can someone please tell me when United Airlines became the airline dedicated to uniting each and every ghetto by putting a representative population on every flight? Cuz it's a stupid idea...

I was so excited to be on a 777 last night, with an aisle seat no less. There was no way this flight could suck. It was even direct!

Oh dear sweet holy Hannah was I wrong...

My entire row was filled with spoiled hood rats and a fobby bitch. Call me racist if you like, but these people were every bit those derogatory terms. Three kids who looked like their crack whore mother had married rich were playing with every high tech toy imaginable... at high volume. The parents were on the plane somewhere, just not anywhere reasonably close. The DVD player didn't have headphones ... because they all had to watch it at the same time. God forbid they watch one of the other seven video entertainment channels provided by the airline... did you hear me? I said SEVEN! Oh, and then there's the flight attendant call button... That thing rang so many times I lost count. And not just a *ding* (wait patiently) ... No, I heard *ding* (2 seconds) *ding* (2 seconds) *ding* ... It was ridiculous. The flight attendants were pissed. And you know what these hood rats wanted? More peanuts and Mt. Dew.

And the fobby bitch? Ugh... The kind that wears contacts so her eyes are a different color than is ever going to happen in her race and a trucker hat that says "take a number" while giving everyone she sees the "Ugh, what the hell do you think you are even looking at?" To which I think, "how retarded you look cuz it certainly isn't anything else... you look like a 10 yr old boy in girl's clothes!" All I heard from this bitch was "excuse me" "excuse me" "EXCUSE ME!" every time I fell asleep, every time the flight attendant walked by, every time the kid next to her breathed wrong...

And don't even get me started on the third world conference that impeded me from picking up my luggage in a timely fashion. These damn 'I-refuse-to learn-English-because-I-swam-here-fair-and-square' little pricks literally squeezed themselves between me and the conveyor belt. I was so pissed by this point that once one of the moved I shoved myself in between them and then I yanked my bags off the carousel each with one hand and carried them out that way, one in each hand ... in addition to holding my coat and a shopping bag, and wearing my backpack. And of course on my way out I did my best 'get-the-fuck-out-of-my-goddamn-way' look and my best 'I-will-so-seriously-kick-your-ass-if-you-even-think-of-fucking-with-me' walk. The tatted up, pierced, dressed in black, hardcore band looked at me like "whoa... let's not mess with this chick"

It was NOT a good flight

Posted by Princess Cat at December 23, 2005 01:21 PM @ 01:21 PM in SSDD // Permalink | TrackBack

That's what I like, a lady who finally has enough and is willing to put on her war face and kick some butt.

That's beautiful. Long hair flowing, black boots stomping.

Posted by: RSM at December 23, 2005 08:26 PM

It took a bit, but I finally figured out that it was not really a very good flight.

Hope you have a Merry Christmas...

Posted by: That 1 Guy at December 24, 2005 11:33 AM

Oh honey, you need to fly from LR to Atlanta...


Posted by: armywifetoddlermom at December 24, 2005 11:42 AM

maybe the drag queens from the metro could get jobs as "stewards"......

Posted by: armywifetoddlermom at December 24, 2005 08:14 PM

Well, maybe next time you can pay the extra $50 to upgrade to first class if you're eligible.

Posted by: Dorothy at December 24, 2005 10:36 PM

Happened to me once...for 5 solid hours. I kept my cool, and surprise, surprise...when I got off the plane the stews gave me a magnum of champaign for being a good sport.

Posted by: trainer at December 27, 2005 09:32 PM

Great, I'm flying to Philly on the 13th and of course, my tickets are booked with United.

Posted by: dick at December 28, 2005 02:15 PM