A Swift Kick & A Band-Aid

If a little two steppin', star gazin', breathtakin', lovemakin' is what you're dreamin' of

Is anyone else pleased to see professional bull riding getting more air time on tv?

I mean really ... who doesn't love a good cowboy fix?

Can I Have Some Of Your Cookies?

For anyone who is as glad to have it be the weekend as I am ... may this be the theme song to your weekend:

Scream - Timbaland Feat. Keri Hilson & Nicole Scherzinger

Babe, I’ll walk the seven seas when i believe that there's a reason to write you a love song today

Thursday... I learned that God just might hate me ...

Wednesday evening I was out drinking with friends and enjoyed several tasty brewskis (cuz what else do you do during the first snow of the season besides brave the streets of DC for beer?)

I came home with a stomach ache.

Thursday morning I woke up with the same stomach ache and some abdominal cramping for good measure that clearly let me know the brewskis were not as friendly as I thought they were the night before.

What happened to a good old fashioned hangover?

Thursday night out (wine/liquor)- no stomach ache
Friday morning - no cramps
Friday night in (wine) - no stomach ache
Saturday morning - no cramps

What kind of God doesn't want me to have beer?!?!?!

... one that hates me ...

We're livin so hard you might not make it through the night
Follow the bright lights

Lil Bro officially became a homeowner today.

Against all the advice, he bought a home in his new town before ever having spent any time there or learning how he likes his new school/program.

Having a lawn to mow and a whole 3 bedroom house to keep maintained while trying to pursue a PhD and teach ... all at the same time, for the first time? And deal with a girlfriend that has never lived away from her entire extended family before? Um ... No, thank you.

I just may be the only sane person in my family ...

How's THAT for a scary thought?

We Have To Take Our Clothes Off
We Have To Party All Night

I may be tired. I may even be exhausted ... after all, its Wednesday.

But I'm declaring it an off day for the pricks at work and anything else serious.

I'm officially getting old - so I can do that shit. (I just might wear a birthday crown to work too ... )

So in the spirit of having a good time in my birthday honor....

Oh ... one more thing ... I ain't actin, I DO own the bar

Everybody's Runnin' Like The End of The World Was Comin'

Funny he should mention quitting. Ok, that's not the funny part. Its only funny cuz I thought he said quilting ... and I've been thinking of taking it up as a hobby.

What on earth I would do with quilts once I'm done with them, I have no idea. I am so not a quilt kinda girl. And I am most certainly NOT an afghan girl. But the hand stitching on my window treatments felt interesting ... satisfying ...

Sure, I managed to stab myself a couple of times with a needle, but no blood drawn. Still, it was calming.

But we'll see how my Sew Much Comfort clothes turn out before I take up quilting.

In a Second, You'll Be Wrapped Around My Finger
Cuz I Can Cuz I Can Do It Better

Mr. CSI ... *drool* (now that he got rid of that silly shaggy dog look)

Did I mention *drool* ?

So what do you say George? I could be your girlfriend ...

I AM The Mutha F'in Princess

UPDATE: ITS HERE! ITS HERE! And it is sooo everything I had hoped it would be!

I finally went and ordered my dream bedding. It is for a queen when I only have a full but I've got sheets & a bedskirt that will match well enough for now. Eventually I'll upgrade the bedside and the whole thing will go together beautifully. THe most important part is ... as long as everything goes right (I was told by 3 people today that this was unavailable, 1 person said it was $500, and 1 finally ordered it for me for half price like it was supposed to be), soon enough I will be sleeping on this little piece of heaven:

Arctic Winds, Coldest Air of the Winter, and I Wake Up To THIS?

Ok ... random call for help here ...

I woke up this morning to find my thermostat reading 55 degrees, despite being set at 65.

Do I have a busted furnace? A busted thermostat? Something more simple to fix?

Its a gas furnace and I haven't been able to get the cover off to see whatever it is that is behind that stupid slidey door thing.

????

UPDATE:
After messing with my thermostat, I'm pretty sure that it is the faulty piece in the equation here. Whew... much cheaper fix

UPDATE 2:
I have NO idea how, but the thermostat seems to be working again ... the POS ... at least I can put off replacing it if it is going to try working again.

First Snow 2007

After all these storms around the country, we're finally getting our first snow of the winter. It's just a light dusting, and I'm sure it won't stick long, but at least winter feels a little bit closer to normal.

No snowball fights or snowmen though ...

Keeping the Story Alive

I'm not really sure how this came up today ... but my dad and I got on the subject of stories that seem to just disappear once certain people die.

Here's the story he was thinking of:

Backdrop: The sidewalk on the corner across the street from my house as a kid was an odd color and didn't match the slabs surrounding it. One day, my dad struck up a conversation with the old man that lived there (as he typically did over random things) about the discoloration.

It seems that right at the edge of this guy's property used to be where the city maintenance ended and, originally, there was no sidewalk. Things were getting bigger and the city eventually decided to put in sidewalk.

The very same day they were pouring the corner, old Sheriff Sam from up the street was on a drinking binge and wandered down to join the party - paper bag covered wine bottle and all. In his drunken state and jovial spirit, he took the red wine he was drinking and poured it into the batch of cement they were mixing.

They poured the sidewalk anyway and it was a funny color from day one.

Talk about small town character...

Figuring It Out As I Go

While I seem to have discovered how to repair an inefficient furnace, effectively sealing the air leak at the top of my front door seems to continue eluding me.

Being a homeowner is weird...

Welcome to Neptune

Neptune blue that is ... and the kitchen pictures I promised (I ran my camera out of battery after taking Christmas pics yesterday .. like a huge dolt)

The pics are dark because it is a little gloomy outside and there isn't much natural light shining in, but you still get the idea ...

If I ever get the mirror back up, there will be pics of the holy purple powder room (the first room I have ever painted!)

Soft & Cuddly, Red Microsuede Joy ... FOR ME!

The sofa's coming today!
The sofa's coming today!
The sofa's coming today!

I can't wait!!

UPDATE:
No sofa ... the delivery company said it didn't come in on time so they can't bring it to me today. DAMN!

If You Get A Call From Me Today, This Is What You Might Hear..

When they discover the center of the universe, a lot of people will be disappointed to discover they are not it. - Bernard Bailey

And Sometimes You Close Your Eyes and See the Place You Used to Live

Here's a pic of the new baby I'm thinking about putting some cash down for this weekend...

Go have a look

What do you think??

UPDATE:
I was not nearly as in love with the sofa once I visited it for myself. The angle across the corner was more severe than I thought and would make it tough for a tall person to crash for the night - although, probably doable ... and the fabric on it was a textured suede thingy - it was soft but kind of cheap looking and they kept telling me I couldn't clean it if I got something on it. The cushions can't be flipped over to spread wear - they velcro on. And it is only two pieces so it is entirely not modular.

The price is about my limit so, it may not totally be out of the running yet ...

UPDATE 2:
This comes in a sectional ... any thoughts??

I Almost Froze My Little Bitties Off!!

I really hate leaving my windows closed all the time ... it gets stuffy and stale without fresh air coming in at least part of the day. So, last night ... I left the living room and bedroom windows open a crack ...

I woke up to a house at 55 degrees!!
Getting out of bed to that, I almost froze my little bitties off!!

But I'm too stubborn to turn the heat on .... So I'm still in jammies, a hoodie, and my squishy leopard slippers until the sun warms up the house.

Guess there are worse ways to spend my day...

I Want A Girl With Lips Like Morphine

If I had a girl with lips like morphine, then she could kiss away the pains of packing. I've used muscles I don't think girls are even supposed to have. Guess that goes against my chiropractor's advice not to lift anything over 40 pounds. Tee Hee! But I've been hard at work all week and the house finally feels "put away." It isn't completely done, but huge strides have been made. Three 30-gallon garbage bags worth of strides, in fact. More on this later ... more very exciting news on this later.

I don't anticipate being home much this weekend ... I've already got plans for the next 28 hour or so and I'll be seeing all of you DC residents at the Freedom Walk on Sunday night, right?

You've still got time to sign up to walk, you know ... just go here and then put your feet on the pavement to show you aren't willing to forget. There's no fundraising, just good ol' American togetherness.

Freak On A Leash

I'm not too much of a Hollywood gossip hound but I can't help this weird creepy feeling I get looking at the new pictures of the Cruise-Holmes kid. There is just something ... unnatural looking ... something is not right in this Vanity Fair picture.

Moms, can you put your finger on what it is?

Maybe its just the fact that he's got her in his jacket like a puppy or the fact that she looks sort of like the quizno's baby that "talks" in such freaky ways. I just don't know.

Decide for yourself. The pics are online here.

I think she looks odd.

You Know How Hard It Is For Me
To Shake The Disease
That Takes Hold of My Tongue
In Situations Like These

Pack-rat-icism:

1. The condition which allows one to believe the inner voice that says things such as (a) "I totally have a use for this," (b) "I forgot I had this, I should use it," (c) "Oh, I remember when I got this ... it is good to remember with these things"

2. The act of hoarding items that may be of use or memory later in life

Sample Sentence:
I am drowning in stuff due to my terrible packraticism.

So, is there medication for this disease yet? Cuz I could seriously use some right now.

What Did You Expect From Me?

Today has accidentally become bathroom cleaning day ... and I don't mean scrubbing the toilet, bleaching the grout kind of cleaning. I've gotten the wild hair to try to empty some of the junk out of there.

I have come across make up I haven't worn in a good five years. There are tiny lotions from resorts of long ago where I told myself I'd go home and order a bottle of the fantastic stuff, but never did. There are just things I held onto when I came out to DC thinking, "I might need this." (I really must remove that sentence from my vocabulary.) I think it is safe to toss these lovelies. Are they worth donating after all these years?

When I look at some of the makeup, I can't believe I ever wore it. I have lipsticks that are nothing short of goth. I was a young, little plaything for an older man back then. He liked to have me paint my face up like some kind of alabaster, gothic china doll. I think back on that phase of my life and have more questions than answers for so many things ... but that is a discussion for another day.

If anyone has any idea on what to do with an ancient, dust covered girl-fest, let me know. Otherwise, I will enjoy the satisfaction of a quickly filling trash can.

Stain Removal 101

I have not quite managed to wrestle myself out of the college mentality of letting the laundry pile up until you're out of clean underwear (and trust me ... I have a lot of underwear). My stains sit unattended for days sometimes. Much the way Tammi was noting hers do. I, however, have a much cheaper laundry solution ...

1) ALWAYS treat a stain from the "wrong" side. NEVER treat the stain on the side of the clothing where you got it (generally the outside on the "right" side of the fabric). Scrubbing from the stain side just pushes the stain farther into the fibers ... this is how you end up with the stain almost gone, but not quite.

2) Use ice. No joke - plain, simple, right out of the freezer ice cubes. I have used this technique to remove blue frosting and blood from light colored clothing. I am confident that it will work on most any stain that is water soluble. You may be a little screwed on grease or oil with this technique - I haven't tried it - but there are other simple solutions for those as well. In order to treat stains with ice, use the following steps:

-- run two ice cubes from your freezer under water, just to get them wet & better prepped to melt

-- place one ice cube flat on top of the stain (on the "right" side) using the largest flat surface the piece of ice has

-- gather up the fabric surrounding the stain and trap the previously placed ice cube in a little pocket so that the "wrong" side of the stain is now exposed

-- using circular motions, "scrub" out the stain with a corner or edge of the second ice cube. The first ice cube will provide a hard flat surface for you to scrub against. The ice will melt as you scrub so use a new corner/edge when one goes dull. Just keep going until the stain is gone.

A word of caution though - good lighting is important for this stain removal technique because stains often get harder to see as they lighten and the fabric darkens from being wet.

Over the years, using a variety of techniques, I've managed to get out almost every stain I've come across - including auto grease and gum. But once you put them in the dryer, you're almost assuredly screwed.

This concludes today's lesson in stain removal. Happy laundering!

rideout arousal

well, tonight's the night. the culmination of all that is right in my world. tonight my fetish takes on new heights.

for all of you who don't read me, let me back up a step. i am a copaholic. there is no cure. it is a bad, bad, bad, bad, bad problem to have. you might ask how one finds themselves with such a pestiferous affliction, and i might tell you. but you'll have to ask nice, or use a little force, or if all else fails a round of good cop/bad cop will definitely get me singing like a canary.

what were we talking about? oh yeah, men in blue. it wasn't always like this. when i was younger, and up to no good, i really didn't enjoy the company of peace officers. if one were to pull me over then, my whole body would tremble in panic. more than just anxiety, there was a paranoia that came from knowing i was up to no good. that's right, i deserved more than a ticket and i knew it, so getting pulled over was never a pleasant experience.

not so anymore, now i'm impassioned by the lights and sirens--even when they aren't coming for me. the throbbing has moved south (i know, gross, but i speak the truth).

here's the short list of police turn-ons, you are welcome to add to the list in the comments:
1. they talk in code--women LOVE to talk, men don't. but cops, they're all about talking: here i am, here's where i'm going, here's what's happening, and here's what i'm going to need you to do. always communicating, rowr. 10 this and 10 that, oh yeah!
2. TWO sets of handcuffs! hey, if that doesn't do anything for you, check your pulse.
3. uniform. dark and buttoned down. yeah, even the ups man scores points in this category, but no uniform screams out to estrogen like a deep blue crisp collar and the bling of the badge.
4. night stick--being approached by a muscley lawdog with a giant phallus tucked in his belt, nuff said.
5. gun--appropriate at the jail or mcdonalds, they're always armed.
6. they put the refuse of society away-- ask any wife and the number one thing she'll tell you her husband does is take out the trash. cleanliness IS godliness and nothing cleans up a town like caging a bad guy. hawt.

oooof. i better get on with life. i've got a rideout with the 5-oh this evening, a qualifying chapter in my town's citizens' police academy. what were they thinking when they offered me membership? they did ask in the application process if i prefered to be called a nickname. it was tough, but i neglected to let them know that my good friends call me "copsucker".

ya'll be safe and be good now, or i'll come and get ya and make you comply.

Testing testing...

She's not gone yet, but it seems big sis' left me some keys around here.

Now... just to make things clear, certain Army Wives have been known to spread vicious rumors about me, but the only reason I had the heels on were she dared me and offered me $50. I tried to tell her my feet were too big, but no. When she wants something...

I'm not saying she has mob connections but apparently there is a ninja of sorts living in her household.

I'll stop in once in a while to check on the plants and see who else has been stopping in. I'd never go through the sister's closet, unless you ask me to.

You're Underpaid, Lady

I found a little calcluator that says ArmyWife should be bringing in six figures for what she does all day ...

Mom Salary Wizard

Wonder if there is a calculator that says how much an unemployed recent graduate should be making for all the "work" done at home all day ...

Impersonal Gifts

I'm sure other people would love to have this problem but ...

I'm so sick of getting money and gifts cards as presents.

Between graduation and my birthday I've gotten far fewer gifts than monetary donations. Don't get me wrong, I'm not turning down anyone's money ... but from some people, I just expect more.

Dad? Amex Gift Cheques. I thought better of him than that ...

Ex's parents? A personal check. Makes sense ... we don't interact much anymore.

Lil Bro? Amazon Gift Code. Seriously? The store that markets itself as having everything? Really?

Cousin I've never met? B&N Gift card. Thanks for thinking of me ... books are always nifty.

So I'm frustrated on two levels:
1. The people that should know me well enough to at least pick a particular store to get a gift card from are the people that go just one step past sending me cash. How much forethought and planning did that require? Just exactly how impersonal were you trying to be?

2. I hate Amazon. They may have a website with everything under the sun but I can't ever find what I want actually IN STOCK! Plus, I have issues with not being able to touch certain things. For example, if I go buy myself a stand mixer like I've been wanting, I want to know what the finish on it feels like. It matters. I want to know before hand how hard getting caked on flour is going to be. AND, if I go out and find in a brick and mortar store what I want, I have to go home and pay shipping on it instead of being able to buy it right there and taking it home.

Grrr ...

It's the Wings, Right?

All across America, men are crying in their beer...

Hooter's Air is turning in its wings

Told You It Was Real...

When Matty O'Blackfive says St Patrick's Day is a real holiday AND has a Guiness commercial to prove it, I don't see how anyone can argue...

St Patrick's Day is a real holiday!

A reason to love bein' Irish that's right up there with all the "kiss me, I'm Irish" clothes I can legitimately wear

Just four more days to wait!

Teaching vs Learning

"In the end we will conserve only what we love. We will love only what we understand. We will understand only what we are taught." - Baba Dioum, Senegal

I love this quote but I think it needs a little tweaking ... because just looking back at our own childhood and eduction we can see, we will not understand what we are taught ...

We will understand only what we are willing to learn

Being Irish...

...you know, it comes with so many great blessing and sayings. After having the occasion to bless Lil Bro RSM, I was reminded of one of my very favorites:

May those that love us, love us.
And those that don't love us,
May God turn their hearts.
And if He doesn't turn their hearts,
May He turn their ankles
So we will know them by their limping.

Run-Run Run Run Run Away

Well, more like ran away...

I managed a keen escape this morning and was able to flee the confines of not only my mother's house, but the town my parents live in all together. After careful, elaborate, and repetitous planning, I was able to make my get away on a train. Not the fastest of exits, but it got the job done.

For the next undisclosed period of time, I shall be in San Diego instead. Blogging may be even lighter - I have many things to see and people to do, you know - but I can't say for sure. In fact, I'd tell you more, but then I'd have to kill you... at least most of you... The hot ones I might keep around for a few extra days...

Calling All Cookies

The time has come for the annual cookie exchange... and I am recipe-less...

Between finals week and my final week as an intern, I don't have a whole lot of time to put into preparing for this event. However, I have a reputation with the attendees of this particular event. They are under the impression that I am some fantastic and unique chef of sorts...

...No Pressure...

So, I turn to you, dear 'sphere-o-philes...
I know that someone out there has an easy and elegant cookie recipe. Is anyone kind enough to pass theirs on?

Crap Queens

Riding home on the train tonight, I encountered two surprises...that when combined just sent it all down in flames...

#1 - the train was damn near empty. Hallelujah!

#2 - two overly flamboyant, broke-down, stank-ass, ghetto queens (and yes, I do mean queen in the way you think I mean queen) thought they owned the joint.

Ordinarily two queens on an empty train would have made for a pretty entertaining situation but these two just jacked that whole idea all to hell.

Most queens have some kind of flashy outfit that is mildly amusing... These guys were dressed in dirty, baggy clothes (mostly black) that looked like they had been worn for two weeks straight. They were complete with nappy, badly dyed hair that had no style. Accentuated by the stupid 'i-stole-a-pair-of-my-momma's-stockings-and-put-them-on-my-head' type hats. (come on, are they 'hats'? really? are they?)

Most queens will entertain you (in the Montel kind of way) with their flamboyant speech and dramatic conversations... These guys were just loud and obnoxious about a whole lot of nothing interesting... across the train from each other...

Most queens have some attention getting 'talent' that is mildly amusing... These guys were not blessed with such gifts... or grace... or talent. Period. They had a CD player that they turned up loud enough to hear without wearing the headphones... to which the one not near it felt the need to sing along with...very poorly. He missed the beat, forgot the words, and just plain sucked.

Scampered about the train and echoing their antics through the whole car, they were perhaps some of the most annoying people I have ever come into contact with. And I've met a fair number of Demorats, so that's saying a lot. So here's what I think should happen as a result of the pain I suffered at their expense...

The real queens of DC should get together and beat these two crap queens within an inch of their lives with their old stilettos. They are giving queens everywhere a bad name ... and depriving the entire metro area of the comedic blogfodder that a queenie encounter should deliver...

(I wonder how many friends my gay republican friend will bring to the fight)

Restrictions

This might sound a little personal but you know, its my blog and I just have to get this off my chest...

There are two things I hate in a way I couldn't possibly hate anything else. They are restrictive and binding, all around evil contraptions. But they are cute and foxy nonetheless. So naturally I love to shop for them. It is an odd love/hate relationship. It just depends on the day which side of the struggle I might land on.

So what is it that I hate so much?

1) Shoes
I am in love with them... the foxier the better. The higher the heel the better. But my feet are not prone to fitting in the foxiest of styles and heels have the ability to make my tall self a little too precarious to actually walk. However, this does not usually stop me from wearing them. If wearing them does not result in some ... ahem ... attention, they are the first things flug off as soon as I walk in the door. And one morning, after a long night of partying, I took them off as soon as I got off the train. Evil little fuckers that they were...

2) Panties
Again, I love them... nothing makes my night like just the right pair. And we're not talking full coverage fabric here either. How the hell are those things comfortable? I might sleep in em from time to time but that's the only reason I even own them. I'm in love with the cute little pieces of material that you never want your boyfriend's mom to find and your own mom makes faces just thinking about. The cuter the pattern, the better. But again, one of the first things I can't wait to rip off when I walk in the door. They get on like they have a mind of their own sometimes and I just can't deal with rebellious panties. Sit where I put ya or you're comin off!

But shoes and panties... now that's a whole different story...

Hate to Love

I hate to love the things that make me cry... but I love them so much!

...too often that means TV and movies that leave me in tears.

They are my favorite shows and my favorite characters, but they are an emotional rollercoaster I really don't need to be putting myself on day in and day out.

For years ER has managed to poke at the little pieces of emotional shrapnel embedded in my heart, sometimes twisting it enough to leave me with vision too blurred to see the rest of the episode and a pile of tissues I'm later too disgusted to admit are actually mine.

Sisters could get me once in a while when it was on the air... I think I've even fallen victim to the soaps a time or two...

Recently Grey's Anatomy has also taken up that role. So far it has just been a tear or two in the closing scenes, but I fear what could happen if the writers tap any farther into my bruised psyche.

This is one of those few times where damn, it sucks to be a girl...

Dear Shoe Fairy

I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE! I'm absolutely dying for a pair of cowboy boots... and I'm prepared to pout every.single. minute until I get them!

What is stopping me? My giant clod hoppers and my stingy wallet...

Finding a pair that fit is going to be hard enough. Then there's finding a decent pair that don't cost more than the legs they go on...

Go ahead and try me, you glorious, elusive boots...I'm prepared to wait this out with every ounce of my well honed pouting skill.

Ow...

How many times have you felt like this...

"It didn't have antlers going in... but it sure had antlers coming out!"

When Old Becomes New

Contrary to the familiar trends of posessions, fashion, and technology that becomes so horrible boring and passe in a matter of figurative nanoseconds these days...have the formerly routine efforts of the chivalrous man become something newly grande?

Reading a magazine column, I found myself asking and wondering ... why?

Personally speaking, I would never dream of expecting chivalry from a man the way women used to be able to count on. If he wants to open doors, help me with my coat, or walk on the street side, I'm not going to stop him. Unless of course he's a dumbass about it. Which leads me to my next question...

Has chivlary died because men just don't believe in treating women with an extra touch of special or is it because we, as women, have stomped on their efforts so many times that they have given up trying?

I think the answer lies somewhere between them both, placing the blame squarely on the shoulders of society as a whole. For example's sake, let's take a look at my life...

The men in my life are usually at fault simply because the majority of them are too caught up in something else (whatever that issue may be) to even make the effort. Gee, thanks. No, it's ok...don't get up. I feel just super special that you treat me just like you would your buddy that made you late for kick-off. At least you brought the car to a complete stop when it came time for ME to get out. Those that do make the effort usually don't for very long. And that is where the blame shifts to me...
I am at fault in my life because I am a firm believer in the idea that if you are going to do something, do it right. Like it or not, this applies to acts of kindness as well. I appreciate the effort put out by a man that wants open doors for me but if he is constantly opening the door into my foot, smacking me in the head with his elbow as he tries to reach over my head, or leaving me standing at a second door looking like a fool ... I'll do it myself, thank you very much. No, you don't get an A for effort. You get a D for poor attention to detail and the inability to learn from previous mistakes. I mean, I wouldn't dream of you making any unusual effort on my account. Maybe that just makes me a bit too bitchy for chivalry.

*shrug*

Where ever the blame lies, it is a sad state of affairs when being nice is something so unusual that it garners such attention and carries the expectation of praise in return.

Jackson Zoo Break

Who ever said zoo animals aren't unhappy has never been here (note: you'll have to click on some of the pics to get the full effect)

This guy looks just a little depressed and hopeless

This one is desperate but hasn't quite given up hope yet

The poor bear is in the throws of frustrated desperation

The ostrich is just pissed that people won't leave him be...the constant interruptions make it very difficult to ignore a situation, you know...

I think this one is just feeling a little inadequate

But take heed, they are plotting their escape...And this guy is their plan's mastermind

I don't know about you, but with a leader that evil looking... I'm worried. And if they are successful? Boy are they going to be pissed when they find out that they've got many miles to go before finding anything of interest.

I say they follow the tiger's example...

'haven't you been paying attention guys? It's worse out there than it is in here. Just fuck it ... take a nap. We can always eat the keepers later if we get bored.'

The Perfect Panty

Men have a point...shopping SUCKS... I don't care how cute the outfit or how chic the dress... you're always going to have to deal with the masses of idiot people in the mall, the bimbettes you'd rather shoot than have to listen to, the dumbasses that pass for male youth, and then there's the inevitable 'it says it's my size, so why doesn't my ass fit in these' moment. I'm not even going to talk about how the lighting makes you feel pale enough to shock a colony of albinos.... shopping sucks - end of discussion.

Now that being said... I will never understand why men shirk their responsibility to and abandon their opportunity to accompany their lady in shopping for the most essential of clothing... the perfect panty. Yes, I know...just days ago I expressed my displeasure with impeding the natural flow of the evening breeze... but still - the perfect panty makes for the perfect ensemble and makes a woman feel just how she should for any occasion.

So I have to say it Gentlemen, quit being such pussies when it comes to cradling the one(s) you want. Go pick out something cute she will wear under her work clothes that only you will know about (and can look forward to). Go pick out something she will only wear for the 30 seconds it takes for you to strip to the buff after seeing her in it. Go pick out something sexy for her to wear the next time you take her to dinner. You're not always going to get a say and sometimes she's going to tell you to get your head out of your ass... more than likely you'll catch her at a bad moment when she asks you if you can keep it in your pants for more than 5 minutes.... but when she asks, offer your assistance. Just the shopping alone can create a tingle between the right people...

Just trust me here boys, when your woman feels good in her panties, you're more likely to get them off... so do your part to let her know you like what she's wearing.

Batteries

I don't own a laptop and probably would have left it at home even if I did...airport security gives me enough trouble as it is... they are apparently sketched out by my efficient packing methods that enable me to cram far more than you'd believe I could into a carry on bag. And somehow doing a chemical swab on it tells them I'm not carrying an efficiently packed bomb...or something...

Anyway...

At 38,000 feet, I was glad I finally listened to that little voice in my head and packed a small pad of paper and a pen. It's old fashioned, I know...but the urge to blog strikes at its will, not our own...and I was ready this time.

In a plane full of unusually loud and chatty passengers (and a set of screaming triplets), I was surprisingly un-annoyed. Instead I was awed...that I went against my better economic sense and my rationalization that it wasn't that important and bought batteries for my CD player (yes, I know, I'm behind the times...you don't see a pattern here?) Was it by chance that I easily and un-begrudgingly paid $5 for 4 batteries that have allowed me to slip into my own cocoon of peace? Or was there something more at work? Did my subconscious predict a late flight would yield more annoyances than my usual flights?

I was amazed and thankful for batteries last night... in an oddly wholesome kind of way...

Rachel Ray

As I was reading FHM this morning (hey, sometimes a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do) I found the Food Network's perky little Rachel Ray in a tiny little pic in one of their letters sections. WHAAA? Rachel Ray posed for FHM? You betcha! And as their article says, she's a veteran of their pages.

Interestingly enough though, you can't find her pictures on the FHM website. If you search for her there, you won't find her. Several sites have links to what used to be her page but the FHM website claims it isn't there. Not to worry...this guy was kind enough to have copies of the spread instead of broken links. Enjoy boys...

And if you can stand to see her with more clothes on and talking (I know that's asking a lot) you can see her on one of three Food Network shows: 30 Minute Meals, $40 a Day, Inside Dish...

Actually, don't tell anybody, but I mute her too... so go for it! No sense in you boys having to listen to her talk if she's going to insist on being clothed on her TV shows...

...And Stay Out!

You heard me...get out and stay out!

That's precisely how I feel about dogs. Am I a dog hater? Am I more of a cat person? No - I love dogs ... outside. I had a wonderful German Shepard as a kid. She had a fenced yard and a dog house...and that's where she belonged. She grew a thick coat in the winter and loved to play in the snow. In the summer she had plenty of shade and water. She was never without something to entertain her...including my brother and me...she was never neglected on our watch.

But, as much as I loved her, there was no good reason her, or any other dog, to live inside. The oils in their skin and coat are damaging to fabric (not to mention nasty smelling), they become emotionally needy by being so closely attached to their owners, they can't be left for an entire day without worry of 'accidents' or boredom...I could go on and on...

If you don't live in a place where your dog can live outside...maybe you shouldn't have a dog. How fair is it that you leave it cooped up all day while you go about your business? And don't get me started on people that take their dog everywhere they go... CUT THE CORD!

If your 'dog' is too scrawny or meek to be outside, you don't have a dog. You have a rat with a short tail and presumably more fur. Get a real dog.

Build a fence, build a doghouse with your kids, put your dog outside, and take back your house.

Sizzle-less

Today's Thought of the Day is:

Discuss.

Soy & Fertility

According to the BBC, British researchers are claiming that eating soy products can reduce your chances of conceiving a child, based on recent studies.

Bad news for people that like soy and are trying to have a baby...

Great news for me! I can eat yummy healthy foods (like edemame) and smite the little bastards trying to create life in my body...all at the same time! Not that I don't take more traditional precautions to ensure my baby free zone remains baby free ... but every little bit helps ...

Rock on, Soy...

Hollywood

Today's Thought of the Day is:

Is it really just Hollywood that thinks this way? I'd venture to say no. Any town that fosters and thrives on the high school-esque drama would find the above statement to be true. Count your blessings if you've escaped the bullshit...I seem to keep finding it...

Stupidity

Today's Thought of the Day is:

Well at least I'm not alone in my struggle...

Faults

Today's Thought of the Day:

"If you feel you have no faults ... there's another one." --unknown

Admitting you have been wrong, that you struggle, or that you do not understand does not make you weak; it makes you human. Your strength lies in your ability to admit fault and the search to correct it.

Standing Still

"Fear not moving slowly, fear only standing still." -- Chinese Proverb

Discuss...

Natasha Bedingfield

I Am Unwritten, Can't Read My Mind, I'm Undefined
I'm Just Beginning, The Pen's In My Hand, Ending Unplanned

Staring At The Blank Page Before You, Open Up The Dirty Window
Let The Sun Illuminate The Words That You Could Not Find
Reaching For Something In The Distance
So Close You Can Almost Taste It
Release Your Inhibitions

Feel The Rain On Your Skin
No One Else Can Feel It For You
Only You Can Let It In
No One Else, No One Else
Can Speak The Words On Your Lips
Drench Yourself In Words Unspoken
Live Your Life With Arms Wide Open
Today Is Where Your Book Begins
The Rest Is Still Unwritten

I Break Tradition, Sometimes My Tries, Are Outside The Lines
We've Been Conditioned To Not Make Mistakes, But I Can't Live That Way

Staring At The Blank Page Before You, Open Up The Dirty Window
Let The Sun Illuminate The Words That You Could Not Find
Reaching For Something In The Distance
So Close You Can Almost Taste It
Release Your Inhibitions

Feel The Rain On Your Skin
No One Else Can Feel It For You
Only You Can Let It In
No One Else, No One Else
Can Speak The Words On Your Lips
Drench Yourself In Words Unspoken
Live Your Life With Arms Wide Open
Today Is Where Your Book Begins

Sunless Tan

Ladies, if you're looking for a sunless tanner that won't turn you into a bright orange oompa loompa that wandered a little too far from Willy Wonka's chocolate factory...look no further!

Neutrogena Instant Bronze Streak-Free Foam - sunless tanner and bronzer in one (I used the medium level color).

It was an Allure reader’s choice award winner but I didn't know that until after the fact. I'm not sure if that would have sold me on it when I saw it sitting on the shelf but hey...maybe it means something one of you readers...

Let me add this by saying I'm so white I might as well be clear. I wear the lightest shade Clinique makes. Getting me to tan is like trying to get an elephant into your dog house...it just ain't happenin. Another problem of mine? A lot of cosmetics turn orange on my skin. So when I say this won't turn you orange, I really mean you won't turn orange.

It goes on fairly easily and dries really quickly. It didn't tan my palms and I'm not streaky. More importantly, I don't look like I tanned 10 shades in 2 hrs.

So it has my stamp of approval...take it for what you will...

Rescuing Animals

Thanks to SWG's story about feeding the stray cat on his trip yesterday I now miss my pets again. I can't have pets where I live now so let’s take a trip down memory lane...

As a kid we rescued/saved each and every one of our family pets.

Dummy - he was a fluffy white cat that my parents already had when I was born. I'm not sure how they came to adopt him but they did somehow. He was as dumb as a stump, hence his name. In actuality, he was probably partially blind or something. If you put food in front of him, he still couldn't find it. He was one of those indoor/outdoor cats so he got to run around the neighborhood a lot. This apparently pissed off one of the neighbors (who was a giant uh... not nice person... on a good day). Dummy went missing for a while and no one knew what happened. Later my parents found him near the backyard, shot dead. We could never prove it, but the neighbor was always the prime suspect.

Lucky - he was a big grey cat with a white chest and boots. He got his name because we almost hit him with our truck. We were driving home from vacation one summer and he was sitting in the middle of the highway. At first, from far away, my dad thought he was trash in the road. As we approached and slowed down, the cat didn't budge. My dad stopped the truck, got out, and picked up the cat. We were out in the middle of farmland but he didn't look like a farm cat. We checked a few houses around but no one had seen him before. That made him ours. He was infested with all kinds of nasty things but once we got him cleaned up at the vet he was good as new. He was an inside cat from then on. He loved our house and got big and fat there. Unfortunately he had a not so bright vet. We never really knew how old he was but he was probably pretty old once he got sick. He started getting sluggish and would howl. He didn't want eat and eventually didn't want to move. We took him to the vet several times but it wasn't until the last visit that the vet realized what was wrong. He ended up on the operating table and just couldn't handle the stress. His body had been through so much that he just didn't pull through. (At least this is what my parents told me)

Little Foot - a black and tan tabby that my mom found as a kitten. He got his name because I had just seen the Land Before Time movie and I loved the main character. Mom worked in the doctor's office in a small town (yes, I said the, as in the only office). The doctor lived in a house across the alley behind the office. One day they had an emergency in the alley and when it was over my mom noticed the kitten. He was very young. Doc said he had been hanging around for a while. Mom went and put him on the Doc's porch so he didn't get hit in the alley. At the end of the day he was still sitting there, exactly where my mom had left him, so she put him in a cardboard box and brought him home. Lucky didn't really appreciate the addition at first but he got used to him after a while. Little Foot has been a hell raiser ever since we got him. The outdoors are the most fascinating thing to him and he always tries to escape. He always ends up coming back but without claws and having lived indoors for nearly his whole life, battling coyotes doesn't sound like a good plan. He lives with my mom still but he's getting daily medical care because his kidneys are just about gone. Poor kitty...

Nugget & Silky - these two kittens were picked up from a friend that was a member of the humane society as soon as they were able to leave their mom. Nugget was a short haired orange tabby. Silky was a long haired cream color. There are lots of stories about these two since they were the pets that I got to pick out as a child. I don't know what happened to them though. When my dad decided to sell the house and move in with his girlfriend (now his wife) he gave them away. It was a seriously traumatic experience because he didn't give them to a family, he took them to the shelter. Taking the time to find a loving family for two adult cats was too much for him to take on and I wasn't told he was giving them away until a few weeks or so before he did. They were very attached to us and each other. Taking them to the shelter and watching them cower in fear as they howled for attention was the most heartbreaking thing I think I've ever done. Supposedly they were adopted together just a week later to a family ... but I will never know for sure what happened to them ...

Heidi - the smartest, most beautiful German Shepard you'd ever meet. My aunt and uncle kept her out on their property when they rescued her from some abusive friends. She never really got any attention so we brought her to our house. She loved playing with us and running around in the California sun. She lived a long and happy life. She got hip dysplasia like a lot of Shepards but she did alright with pain meds. We ended up putting her to sleep because of the cancer instead.

Next time I get a pet, I'll find him/her at the shelter too...

No Shoes, No Shirt...Not Single?

Apparently the beefy Mr. Kenny Chesney is off the market, ladies. That's right, he got married on that little island he lives on in the Carribean, to Rene Zellweger. Fox has a story with very few details.

But all I have to say is... Kenny! How could you? You've just met the girl. I know you've strayed a bit from the rest of the country pack but don't you go giving the whole genre a bad wrap now. What do you think you are...a pop star? Country stars get married and mean it. None of this Brittney "oops I didn't mean it" crap...ok?

Chris Cagle always just seemed a little bit more fun anyway...

Bust a Move...

Sort of...

I have been itching to move the furniture in my bedroom for a couple of weeks now. Don't ask me why. It's a thing I do. There are times that I become disturbingly unsettled in my surroundings and I long for a change, a new perspective, a transition ... sometimes moving the furniture is the only responsible way I can satisfy it. Commitment issues? Maybe. My subconscious telling me to get off my lazy ass and do something to make my depressing world a little brighter? Probably. Perhaps it is just my way of pretending that I can wipe the slate clean and start over. Or a bizarre lie to myself that I've gotten new furniture without ever spending any money? Who knows...

But I am in the process of upgrading the necessary cables so that my necessary amenities will still remain once the furniture finds its new home this week...

I'm Bored

And I'm awesome...

Cat-Land

Stolen from Ace of Spades:

Take the quiz at dicepool.com

And this is how I know that I should be President.
But I'm not stupid enough to do that.
So I'm going to have my own island.
I might have to take over a 3rd world country though.
Meh, sounds do-able.