July 15, 2006

rideout arousal

well, tonight's the night. the culmination of all that is right in my world. tonight my fetish takes on new heights.

for all of you who don't read me, let me back up a step. i am a copaholic. there is no cure. it is a bad, bad, bad, bad, bad problem to have. you might ask how one finds themselves with such a pestiferous affliction, and i might tell you. but you'll have to ask nice, or use a little force, or if all else fails a round of good cop/bad cop will definitely get me singing like a canary.

what were we talking about? oh yeah, men in blue. it wasn't always like this. when i was younger, and up to no good, i really didn't enjoy the company of peace officers. if one were to pull me over then, my whole body would tremble in panic. more than just anxiety, there was a paranoia that came from knowing i was up to no good. that's right, i deserved more than a ticket and i knew it, so getting pulled over was never a pleasant experience.

not so anymore, now i'm impassioned by the lights and sirens--even when they aren't coming for me. the throbbing has moved south (i know, gross, but i speak the truth).

here's the short list of police turn-ons, you are welcome to add to the list in the comments:
1. they talk in code--women LOVE to talk, men don't. but cops, they're all about talking: here i am, here's where i'm going, here's what's happening, and here's what i'm going to need you to do. always communicating, rowr. 10 this and 10 that, oh yeah!
2. TWO sets of handcuffs! hey, if that doesn't do anything for you, check your pulse.
3. uniform. dark and buttoned down. yeah, even the ups man scores points in this category, but no uniform screams out to estrogen like a deep blue crisp collar and the bling of the badge.
4. night stick--being approached by a muscley lawdog with a giant phallus tucked in his belt, nuff said.
5. gun--appropriate at the jail or mcdonalds, they're always armed.
6. they put the refuse of society away-- ask any wife and the number one thing she'll tell you her husband does is take out the trash. cleanliness IS godliness and nothing cleans up a town like caging a bad guy. hawt.

oooof. i better get on with life. i've got a rideout with the 5-oh this evening, a qualifying chapter in my town's citizens' police academy. what were they thinking when they offered me membership? they did ask in the application process if i prefered to be called a nickname. it was tough, but i neglected to let them know that my good friends call me "copsucker".

ya'll be safe and be good now, or i'll come and get ya and make you comply.

Posted by shoe at July 15, 2006 10:45 AM @ 10:45 AM in Random Much? // Permalink | TrackBack

Oh man, I'd just set down the pepsi when I read your nickname. Luck be a lady tonight!

Posted by: Ted at July 15, 2006 03:53 PM

What a shame.

Posted by: Trashman at July 15, 2006 08:55 PM

Damn... I KNEW that I should have went to the police academy!!!

Posted by: That 1 Guy at July 16, 2006 04:51 PM

Ah! The thrill of the uniform. . . mmmmm.

Posted by: oddybobo at July 17, 2006 10:54 AM

Oh yeah.... Boys in Blue. That will do it for me every time.... Mmmmm.... ; )

Posted by: Richmond at July 17, 2006 06:46 PM

Well, now I know what clothes to pack for the Yellin' In Helen...

Posted by: zonker at July 18, 2006 11:30 PM

Zonker -- You came as the cop last time. This time you can wear either the cowboy hat, boots and chaps - or the Indian headdress, loincloth and moccasins.

Posted by: Bob at July 20, 2006 10:18 AM