Someone has now taken it upon himself to decide my personal feelings are out of place at work and my tendency to be emotional is of concern. So, here goes an open letter:
Oh really?
My words - open for censorship in the spirit of professionalism
My actions - open for censorship in the spirit of professionalism
My emotions - OFF LIMITS!
I can be as unhappy, pissed off, irritated, disappointed, and downright mad about anything and everything I want to be ... so long as my words and deeds meet the standards of decorum.
If you don't like the fact that I cry when explaining someone died and that I am frustrated YOU won't be my advocate for leave ... DON'T. CALL. ME.
I would have much preferred to handle the situation without you but you happen to be the person with the immediate approval authority. I don't like it any more than you do. So deal.
If you want to label me as difficult because I am willing to do my homework and push for the things congress took it upon themselves to put into law on my behalf, that's fine. It is only "difficult" because no one else seems to have read those little acts of congress plainly available for anyone to read ... in pretty colors even. I'd rather be difficult than walked on.
Pardon me if I need a little adjustment period to the idea that things I waited oh, 15 months for can change in one day and that I have to accept the reason, "its the nature of the business." Because you know what? No, it isn't. It is the culture that has gone on for so long that it became force of habit to operate like human capital is worth less than the paper you wipe your ass with. Some things can't be helped, but most of them can ... when people actually want to do their jobs right.
And really, if going into the bathroom and crying helps me come back to my desk with a clear head ... what the hell business is it of yours? It's not like I'm sobbing in public or in a position to compromise a face to face relationship from my isolated corner where no one talks to me. I don't recall that being up there on the list of problems with excessive drinking or smoking pot ... but then again, maybe I am the one that can't read. The day I can't do my work you have a leg to stand on. Oh wait - I might need real WORK before that could happen...
I cry precisely because of people like you. People that think treating each other with the callousness with which you comfortably function is the new 'normal.' I will never be one of you. I will cry each time I am expected to become you. If that means a new career, I can live with that.
Seriously ... some people should just not be allowed to be in a position of power. And I do mean any kind of position where they are the decision maker.
What kind of woman calls the hospital and instructs them not to release information to anyone but her? Not even the patients own relatives after they have spent a week and a half being her primary caregivers and intimately involved in the case from the very beginning! Oh yeah, the same kind of woman that leaves her husband sitting in the hospital for a week waiting on a transfer to another hospital that can't even be bothered to return a phone call about the case, let alone actually read the file. Meanwhile she's turning down another hospital actually calling to ask where their patient is.
You stupid, self-absorbed cunt of a whore.
Too bad the poor man can't speak for himself because for all we know, he's dying right before our eyes.
I am exhausted
I haven't slept well in two days and tonight just happened to be one of the most awesome chats with dad.
It was one of those chats that starts out as a simple exchange of opinions, no harm, no foul ... but by the end I've broken ... and I end up sobbing tears of frustration, hurt, and anger
Grandma's trial is coming up in less than two weeks and suddenly, the wicked witch of the East wants to tag along. All summer long the family was assured she would not be coming and now, she's decided she wants to. How fucking convenient ...
There is just no legitimate reason for this evil, insecure, gold digging piece of trash to be at my grandmother's trial. Isn't it bad enough that we all have to sit there in the courtroom and listen to the defense try to say he didn't do it? That we might even hear them try to say it was her fault? Isn't the torture of the loss enough? Why should I have to endure the salt that she is? She wants me to sit in the very same courtroom and pretend that I believe she is there to support my father? I haven't seen one ounce of genuine emotion out of that thing in the seven years I've known her - what makes today so GD different? I don't care what anyone says, I saw it with my own eyes, my grandmother did not like this tramp and now she thinks she has a right to sleep in my grandmother's bed like she owns the place?
I'm putting my foot down. I'm not sharing a house with her. I will not appease her demands. It will hurt my father, but sometimes tough love is the only thing that works.
I am done. There are no more chances. Am I going to get back the years of my relationship with my dad that she has stolen? No. And what is she going to do about the other things that no one can change? The last holiday meal I shared with my grandmother was at a shitty Italian restaurant, with no service, and no menu (what Italian restaurant doesn't have pasta with meat sauce?) because we were trying to appease the evil one and accommodate her - I can't get back that holiday and I don't get another chance. Where's the accommodation of how I feel? The last time I saw my grandmother alive was that same Christmas, in the front seat of my dad's car, because the whore was such a bitch about other people in her house that our family did Christmas in a hotel room and my dad was taking my grandmother back to his house afterward. She didn't care about any of us then and she doesn't care about any of us now. So her feigned emotion now is rather transparent ... and I'm calling bullshit.
Karma's got her number and some day, it'll come up.
So, after a night like this, I am exhausted ... and still I can't sleep
I got into a bit of an argument this weekend ... imagine that ... against a Hispanic, gay man that I found to be an annoyingly vocal hypocrite.
We were at brunch with a group of friends, celebrating his return from a Caribbean cruise, and generally enjoying each other's company after not having been together for a while.
... enter his politics ...
He is openly gay and opposes bans on his rights as a gay man.
He is fanatically anti-tobacco and supports all tobacco bans.
Ordinarily, I suppose I would have let this go ... but not this weekend. And especially not after hearing him discuss his cruise and say, "Oh, they knew we were there. We took over that ship..." We being the group of approximately 300 gay men on board.
So ... let me see if I understand ...
It is completely and totally ok for you to intentionally and purposefully interrupt daily lives and shove in the face of others that you are gay (when you could easily just live your life like a normal person without having to bring attention to your sexual preference every five seconds), but it isn't ok for someone else to choose to smoke in an area that you can easily remove yourself from?
Don't get me wrong - I could care less that you are gay, but do you really expect me to treat you the same when you insist on telling me that you're different? And do you really expect me to support your "equal rights" when you are so actively campaigning to take away the freedom of others, molding the world they way you think it should be? What happened to personal responsibility and the choice to walk away?
I am just so caught on this - It is wrong to take away your right to marry another man, but it is right to take away a smokers right to choose his own behavior because it might bother you?
Fuck you, Man!
I get that people are worried about second hand smoke and such ... but since when did we become a society that refused to let the market determine what will thrive?
My approach to the smoking issue is to let the owners decide whether to allow smoking. If you don't want to eat in a restaurant that allows smoking, eat somewhere else. If the market for non-smoking restaurants is demanding enough, they will all naturally become that way.
It is a fucked up day in our country when a child molester can walk down the street with more individual freedom and respect that someone holding a cigarette.
Some days, other female bloggers just irk me so badly I want to quit blogging completely. The rampant immaturity and mean girl behavior is abhorrant!
You know the ones I'm talking about ... they form their little clubs and alliances and then they go after whoever they don't like that week. And for what reason? The other woman is prettier? skinnier? smarter? younger? she has more hits? It's like high school on the internet!! Do they somehow think this is geeks revenge? Or fat girl payback? The nerds have finally found a social group large enough to be their very own gang ... how cute!
Let me tell you, I was not only a geek in high school but I was also a fat girl. I got made fun of left and right. One year I was the pet joke of the entire Varsity Basketball team. It was awful being a victim, I refuse to be a participant. And I refuse to be friends with people that find it acceptable.
If you don't think its real, just go to a blogmeet. Watch how the women act. The majority of them will strut like they are the Queen Bee. The ones that don't get treated that way will be precisely the ones that blame the other women for it. The gossip will start, the readerships will shift, and some women won't get invited back again ... you guessed it, the nice ones, the fun ones, and the pretty ones. I guess these are the same women that only hang out with friends uglier than they are so they can be the best looking one of the bunch.
These women - and you know who you are - should be ashamed of themselves. Grown women acting with as much sense as their children, if that much. If you're going to hate on someone, do it for a legitimate reason. Call her out for lying on her blog or for being a bitch to one of your friends instead of this "I just don't like her" crap. Its a blog. If you don't like it, click the X and get some therapy if you can't move on.
Next time, try being comfortable with accepting yourself (and being honest on your blog ... we've seen the avatars ... not even close!) instead of trying to drag someone else down. And if you just can't make it through the day without calling someone a bitch, go stand in the mirror for a while. I'm sure you'll find someone fully deserving of your label.
Or at least that's what the Pussycat Dolls are chanting these days. Not that they are the only ones, they just happened to be the ones I was listening to when this post popped into my head.
I get the idea behind these songs, women are strong. We can do things for ourselves and be happy with our own accomplishments. Honestly, I didn't need a song to remind me of that.
But I still think they are wrong...
I do need a man ... not because he said so or anyone else told me I to, but because I said so. Why's that, you ask? Because I can have my own job, make my own money, buy my own things, make the majority of my own repairs on things, or not get taken for a ride by the mechanic and never once think that if I were with a man that things would be any different. My identity does not lie in some popularly trumped up feminist notion of independence.
I may not need a man, per se, but I am definitely not part of the feminist cadre that claims my world should function equally as well without one. The world I want for myself, my future, is one with a partner - a man. If that means I need a man, and that is just socially uncool, so be it. I will happily be branded an outcast.
If you ask me, these lyrics are breeding bitches, not strong women. Not to mention rationalizing the immaturity that they live in by telling them it is ok to bail and jump in bed with his best friend for a few weeks when he doesn't fall to every whim.
First of all, I accept full responsibility for not being better at setting the money aside that I knew would eventually come due, but ...
I'm about to kick my landlord in the shins
He sent an email today asking me to pony up $3079.14. Not the pair of us that live here, me. Oh, but I can do half now and the rest in 3 monthly payments. HA! I don't think so. Has this guy gone certifiably insane?
Let me reiterate here dude: A failure to plan on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part. Got it?
For the more than a year - yes I said YEAR ... as in a full 12 flips of the calendar pages and then some - he has failed to bill us for utilities. Utilities which I think are too high, might I add. But lack of upkeep has a way of doing that to your heating and cooling bills. So now that he's gotten around to sending me an email, I'm supposed to pay utilities for July 05 through May 06.
And how long will I have to wait to be billed for the other two summer months that have gone by but you were too lazy to include? Apparently another year at this rate.
On top of that, he's trying to get August rent from me from a year ago. I wrote the check, he lost the check. So now you want me to pay double rent for August of this year to make up for your mistake? I'm not the one that lost the check, sounds like it should be when it is convenient for me to replace the check since you created the inconvenience.
This guy thinks I need to be jumping right on paying him but where was he when my fan needed to be fixed? Too busy, its still broken more than 6 months later. Where was he when we started getting water damage from the heavy rains? Who knows, he didn't answer his email. Where is he on fixing the leaking doors and windows? To cheap, I'm sure. And the rotting seal around the kitchen sink? He'll let it fall through the counter before he does a thing, no doubt.
Once money gets involved, people just suck. UGH