A Swift Kick & A Band-Aid

Techies

I think this was originally told as an engineering joke, but I'll go ahead and expand it to techies as a whole ... you know, for the purposes of that political correctness *cough* bullshit *cough* and whatnot ...

Q: How can you tell an introverted techie from an extroverted techie?

A: The extroverted techie looks at your shoes while you're talking to him

Soaked

I simply cannot stop laughing at the Pee Talk over at Big Dick's Place.

I can't even begin to explain how funny it is...

Just go read it, but put your coffee down first.

Does Your Bank Suck Too?

I've never used Wachovia bank so I can't say from personal experience what kind of service they provide. Based on this, I'm guessing it's not so good...

Location: A sign shop on a main road known for slow commuter traffic

The lesson? Don't piss off a sign shop or they'll make a sign big enough for everyone stuck in traffic on their way to/from work and everyone out doing their errands on Sunday afternoon to see...

Miracle in DC?

Driving down a popular roadway last night there were cars lined up in both directions as far as the eye could see. They were slowly creeping forward, moving as the traffic lights would allow. It was a typical night of traffic in Northern Virginia...almost...

Traffic in both directions stopped one lane at a time, like traffic had done a reverse wave. Lights were green and no one was moving. No horns were honking. No people yelling. No one even looked angry.

What possibly had the power to make the world come to a complete stand still? A flock of geese. Yes, as in a group of those giant honking birds. All 15 or so of them decided to cross the road, single file, in the middle of rush hour...and not a single one was harmed.

I wish to hell I had a camera with me...when else are you going to see 6 lanes of traffic come to a voluntary stand still? As my companion at the time said, "you know if they'd been people, no one would have even cared."

I feel as though I have witnessed a DC miracle... but it was damn funny regardless of what you want to call it. And by far the most amazing thing I've seen since moving here.

Make Cleaning Fun

I found this humorous link about cleaning via Rachel Ann. I especially like #13...

13. I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on.

A vacuum you can ride on? Now THAT would make housework fun. Hell, I'd volunteer to vacuum friends' and neighbors' houses just to get more time in with the vacuum...

Science...you need to get on this RIGHT AWAY!

Almost Dead Painter

During my third year of college I lived in an overpriced yet kind of crappy apartment complex. The rent was a little steep but I had my own bedroom so I didn't dare complain too much. The girl that lived in the loft didn't have walls...I was better off than her at least. That year was also the year the management decided to repaint the complex. It took month after month to finish all the buildings...but this single story made living there worth while...

Early one bright and sunny morning the crew taped plastic over my top floor window and prepared to paint the street side of the building. Of course, they started at the top. This meant they placed a VERY high ladder against the building, and it went right past my window. Where there is a ladder, there is a painter...

Come about 8am my alarm clock goes off, simultaneously playing loud pop music and irritating beeps. I reached over and hit snooze...meanwhile, the guy outside jumped 3 feet and spent the next 5 minutes cussing up a storm in Spanish. I snuggled back into bed and dozed until the snooze went off. I reached over and hit snooze again...and the guy outside jumped a couple of feet and swore up and down he almost fell of the ladder and died. I giggled to myself and snuggled back in bed...my Spanish sucked but I could understand enough to know he didn't know where the noise was coming from and was thoroughly pissed off about it. Nine minutes later, the snooze went off again... I was full on laughing at this point... he was still startled by the alarm... He was yelling to other guys in the crew that their joke wasn't funny anymore... which of course made it that much funnier to me... But I felt kind of bad so I turned off the alarm and went to take a shower.

Later, wrapped in a towel, I walked back into my room and just remembering it made me laugh...I damn near killed the guy with my alarm clock!

I told you I hate mornings...enough to kill...

Trouser Tents

Now we all know what these are...But I was recently enlightened by one man's struggle with them...in church...whhaa?

In my state of shock, verging on disapproval...I gave him a look...

He quickly threw up his hands and protested..."It's the pants! It's the pants! It's the dress pants! The fabric and the way it rubs...I can't help it!"

I raised an eyebrow, he continued...

"It happens to lots of guys...didn't you know?"

No, I didn't know...and I didn't really understand either...until I thought about what it is like to sit at a nice dinner, primped just so, cast in the image of society's good girl...wearing no panties under my skirt... Mmmm - What a lovely, tingly thought ... I just can't help but get more turned on as the night goes on.

Now I get it...

Oh, and he told me that it happens at work now too because of the new khakis...hehehe... Is that a ruler in your pocket or are you just trying to get a raise? Cuz I don't swing that way, Son...

Two More Days...

My research is due tomorrow so I'll be MIA for a little bit longer...

In the meantime, this comic should entertain you...

Make sure you go back and read his archives too.

Fun Quotes

"I'm really glad this is jack sauce...and not what you guys are talking about..."

"We can all ride in his box...It'll be fun!"

My friends say some of the best lines sometimes :o)

Bitter Dude

This guy is more bitter than I am...but its freakin hilarious to read all the things he comes up with to be pissed off about.

http://factualmaterial.com/archives.htm

Paddle Boats

The guy that asked for my blog did so just after he suggested I take a picture of this:

Another View:

Its kinda funny...but it feels wrong to laugh...But that life jacket isn't going to do shit! And who's idea was this anyway?