A Swift Kick & A Band-Aid

What Do Your Hands Say About You?

What Your Hands Say About You

You are logical, analytical, and rational. You have good verbal skills. Idealistic and dreamy, you tend toward the impractical. You have a knack for getting yourself in sticky situations. Brainy and intelligent, you are intellectual to the point of being incomprehensible. Your emotions tend to be relaxed and uncomplicated. You don't read too much into things.

You See The Look Thats On My Face
You Might Think Im Out Of Place
Im Not Lost, No No, Just Undiscovered

Mom got into town on Friday and left on Tuesday ... driving me crazy as usual. It was actually a good visit but some major buttons kept getting pushed that I had a hard time not losing it over.

She and I have discussed the boundaries of our relationship and conversations but she doesn't seem to want to respect them. Yet, she can't stand hearing my dissenting opinion when she crosses those boundaries. How hard is it to understand the concept of "if you don't want to hear my opinion, don't ask for it?"

We did go visit Monticello and see Thomas Jefferson's house. I had been once before, 5 yrs ago but she had never seen it. I have to say, the tour guides and their scripts have gone seriously downhill. The guides hardly had a pulse and their scripts were so entirely PC that it was offensive. But I'll get into that in another post later...

Mom and I also spent many hours over two days at fabric stores over the weekend in preparation for breaking in my new sewing machine. I managed to make a giant blanket for my sofa (since my living room is always so damn cold) and get part of a new window treatment for the dining room done. The rest of the fabric for the living room treatments had to be ordered so I'll have to work on them down the line somewhere. I've got fabric ordered for half my bedroom project and a good idea of fabrics that I'd like to use for the drapes ... assuming they match my new bedding that I will order once my gift card shows up in the mail.

Apparently I'm becoming a regular domestic diva ... who'd have thought?

Letters to Grammy: One Year

A year ago I never dreamed that I would have the journey ahead of me that I have spent 365 days facing.

I went to bed one night with the worst of my problems being a resume that wasn't quite right, a few papers to write, some emotional baggage, and a bit of distance among friends over who I chose to date. Really, not great, but none of it felt insurmountable. I thought that my life was fairly on track.

I had no idea that when I went to sleep that night that I would wake up in an entirely different world ... or that the phone would ring and you would be gone.

I couldn't know how cheated I would wake up to feel ... and for so long.

So many things I thought you would see me do and achieve and be proud for ...
All the questions that didn't have the right moments to ask ...
The lessons I didn't make the time to learn ...
The moments I wish would have gone differently, the ones that I thought would fade into the past with new opportunities turned out to be our last

I have found within myself things that I did not know were there and some that I wish I did not know. I am learning and facing life at a break neck rate, a painful frozen standstill, and frustrating groundhog day pace. I am more distant now than ever before with the ones I have grown closest to. I am the picture of strength hiding a shattered heart. I am ashamed that I have not lived up to your example in the face of all that is unfair.

I remember when it rained ... it poured ... I wasn't ready

I have visited but the stone still isn't real. It's still not your name they wrote there. I still think I might wake up and none of this pain will have been real ... I won't have watched a family shred or the evidence of your daily habits become a museum.

"Tears of hope run down my skin.
Tears for you that will not dry."

V-Day 2007

Happy Valentine's Day everyone!

I know, I know ... its a holiday invented by Hallmark and you really should be telling your lovely that you love them everyday in little special ways ... but just go with it people.

Get a card at least.

Make someone else's day even if you think it is a crap smooch fest meant only to alienate and embitter the singles of the world.

And don't forget to smile ... you never know who might notice

Some Days Weeks Just Call For Mac & Cheese

I haven't fallen off the planet ... I've been busy and blogging just wasn't where my heart was. Sorry folks.

I had my heat problem resurface, my water go out (water main break), my neighbors pissed off at me, in addition to rejoining the retail workforce.

Retail is retail ... not much to say about that. The personalities that existed in my last store have been resurrected in the new bodies that fill this one. Some customers are pleasant, others are the kind that strike up personal conversations or take phone calls while you are giving them the help they asked for. Twice I have just walked away. I don't get paid enough to operate on your personal schedule people.

My neighbors have been appeased ... but I am quickly learning why they are so isolated from the rest of our community. They are the stereotypical PITA fucks that think their lives come first.

The water main break was repaired relatively quickly and only caused a minor problem but sure as hell freaked me out at 11pm the same night my heat had been out all day. The last thing I needed was frozen pipes.

The heat problem has been the most frustrating of all ... I called a furnace guy who came to look at it three times last week. He left Friday still not knowing what was wrong with it, leaving me to reset the furnace twice that night to get it running again. I fully intended to call this morning but it hasn't gone out again since Friday. He swears it isn't the thermostat ... I just don't know what to believe anymore.

Oh, and the bathroom ... no primer + flat paint + low tile = water on my wall and a paint scraping project I SO did not have the mood to deal with. I've been showering in my guest room and putting off dealing with the paint but with a potential roommate next week and my mom in town on Friday I am trying to bust myself to get it done ... in both bathrooms ... while working a 40 hr week & closing every night.

Who ever said all they wanted to do was be a grown up had no idea what they were talking about.

Meet Me In The Clouds
Let Me Work It Out
Don't You Take It Personal

So I'm useless for actual blogging right now ...

Go check out these two bands instead:

Army of Me - Alternative Rock, I suppose ...
Their whole CD plays automatically when you bring up their page

Under The Influence of Giants - Funk/Fusion/80s inspired
Three full tracks are available under music ("In The Clouds" is the song that got me turned on to this band but "Mama's Room" is catchy too)

Keep yourselves entertained ... I know how you get when you're bored

Its Hard To Launch Without Knowin How To Land

It has been one of those weeks ...

I honestly have to just laugh because once again I feel like I couldn't even make this stuff up. But it wouldn't be my life if it didn't go that way ... would it?

I've done my share of crying too with a lot on my mind that I just don't feel like talking about ... hence the no blogging.

Cross your fingers that Thursday doesn't start the way Tuesday and Wednesday did ...

You Can STILL Bring Hook to Washington

Remember when I asked for your help to bring Hook to Washington? Well you did a good job, but CJ and his cohorts were able to bring just a few more votes (so they took home the prize money - and sent it out to NC for some little ballerinas with daddies in Iraq). Now this lady is asking for your help to pay Hook's way to the Milblogging Conference.

Go HERE and heed her call for donations - however small they may be - so that we can be sure Hook gets the chance to touch the lives he is meant to touch. And remember, whatever money he doesn't use on his tickets and accommodations is going straight to Fischer House. Uncle Jimbo will have to find his bail money somewhere else this year ...

And if you for some reason don't know who Hook is and don't understand why he should be at the Milblogging Conference, go over and read a bit of what he's had to say. No conference would be complete without a few words from our wonderful Sgt. Hook.

That Just Chaps My Hide!

I had to be out the door before sunsrise this morning - trust me, that was a ROUGH deal for me on this particular occasion. I have not needed to wake up and be functional at 5:15 in a LONG time. We're talking several years here people ...

Anyhow ... it flurried on my way in but I didn't feel too cold. I chalked it up to the new pants (which I looked cute in, btw)

Unfortunately, the combination of itchy dry skin, cold weather, moving around a lot, and not having washed the pants prior to wearing them literally chapped my ass.

So how was your day?