September 27, 2009

Some Things We Don't Talk About
Rather Do Without And Just Hold the Smile

I don't really consider myself a crier. Well, in the sense that I generally refuse to cry in front of other people... Put me in front of Gray's Anatomy and I cry like a baby. But in front of other people just doesn't happen for two reasons: 1) I refuse to show weakness in the face of those attempting to cause pain, and 2) its just plain embarrassing.

I broke down and sobbed in my friend's arms when I discovered I was still being cheated on in college

I lost the ability to intelligibly speak as I cried in front of a room full of people instead of giving the toast they wanted at my dad's wedding reception

I wept at my grandmother's funeral and forced my way through the tears as I held a family photo and told the judge how having her taken away affected me.

I screamed through the tears when someone told me I had no right to be upset about a man that was being neglected into death by his family.

But yesterday at a party, when I least expected to cry in front of other people, I cried trying to explain the anxiety of a homecoming.

Maybe I cried because I knew they didn't get it, or maybe because I'm scared of the chance that there won't be one, or maybe because I'm scared it won't be in an airport, or maybe it was just time I finally cry about being alone ... but the only reason I felt at the time, was the fear that we will have grown too far apart.

I know I'm in good company as I've never been able to read AWTM's thoughts on it without tearing up ... maybe I really am a crier?

Posted by Princess Cat at September 27, 2009 09:00 PM @ 09:00 PM in SSDD // Permalink | TrackBack
Comments

I know how you feel about the crying re: a homecoming. I get teary every time I leave MT and every time I return to my husband...and that's ever 2 weeks. I don't cry over TV shows. Most movies that make others cry only get a shrug from me. But when it comes to seeing my sig. other...I can get very emotional. When threatened with the possibility of not getting the right sequence of days off LAST december for his Christmas exodus from boot camp, I started crying uncontrollably in front of my boss and threatened to quit my job.
I got the time off though.

It happens. It might make other people uncomfortable, but there's something about a homecoming that just makes me emotional.

Posted by: Dorothy at September 28, 2009 10:30 PM