January 04, 2007

I Need A Beginning
I Need A Beginning Again

Following 2006, I am against making resolutions. It was perhaps the most disheartening, disillusioning, disappointing year I have lived thus far. I am content with the fact that I survived and I am still moving forward. I was not crushed by what could have destroyed me.

The pain of murder, trial, death after death, and the torn fabric of my family is obvious but 2006 was less than stellar in many other ways ...

Graduating from grad school was quite anticlimactic and a seemingly useless waste of way too much time and money. I uprooted my life for this?

Probably the most disappointing aspect of the year was watching people show their true colors that I had hoped would be a different shade. Some betrayed their potential, some were deceptive, some gave into what was easy when they knew it was wrong, some spoke out of both sides of their mouth and hoped no one would notice, some were self-absorbed, some accidentally lifted the veil over their personality and could not go back, some had affairs and cheated on their spouses, some took advantage of their "friends," some took credit for what wasn't theirs to have, some were maliciously petty, and others were just plain mean.

I gained meaning in some friendships and family that was previously lacking, so I can't say the year was all bad ... but man it sure felt like it most days.

I am not resolving to lose weight or eat better or exercise more or watch less tv or any of those things that people say they are going to do because the calendar changed. I will do those things when I am ready to do them ... when my heart is ready, when my soul is committed, and my head can focus on those goals. When I am ready, I will succeed in those avenues. Until then, I am moving forward ... toward each new day for the opportunity that it is ...

Posted by Princess Cat at January 4, 2007 02:14 AM @ 02:14 AM in Way Down Inside // Permalink | TrackBack

well said. i echo your sentiments exactly, just happy to have survived it.

latra, cat

Posted by: shoe at January 4, 2007 07:19 AM

I'm with you. Jan 1 mostly means to me "time to gather tax data" but at least I was able to ride it in sleeping this time.

Posted by: RSM at January 4, 2007 07:24 AM

Yeah, it was a very "interesting" year, wasn't it. A lot of heartbreak for many of us. But you're right Cat. The goals of moving forward and just being the best we can be are perfect for this blank canvas of 2007.

Posted by: Tammi at January 7, 2007 11:36 AM