A Swift Kick & A Band-Aid

If Everyone Loved And Nobody Lied

I've got an email sitting in my inbox right now from Dad that I just can't bring myself to deal with, no matter how important I know that it is. The case officer doing the pre-sentencing investigation wants to hear what the family has to say.

How do you put in to verbal form the heart-wrenching pain you feel when someone robs you of a loved one and leaves your family torn apart, vandalized and damaged in ways that may never heal?

How do you balance eloquent, articulate, descriptive speech with the emotional dribble that has been swimming around for 10 months?

How do you communicate the anger you rightfully feel without sounding like an unreasonable lunatic?

I feel like an idealistic teenager today...

At Least My Tree Is Still Pretty

As some are lamenting the passing of Christmas, I am left with two feelings: 1) counting the days until it is gone, and 2) wondering why everything has to be shoved all into one day to be so great.

I haven't received all of my presents yet, though I've sent out all of mine. Really, I'm ok with that. Presents a few days before, a few days after, maybe even a week or two ... who doesn't like getting a present on a random day of the week?

I sort of hate Christmas though because it just shows how little my family pays attention. I really want the season to be over because I am irked by the reminders of those that did it half way but wanted full credit. I have had several jewelry discussions with mom but still, she bought what is her style, not mine. Granted, they are pretty but they are not what I would buy for myself. Discussion after discussion just goes in one ear and out the other with dad, so why I still think telling him specifically what I want matters, I have no idea.

Now before you go calling me ungrateful, I would never make a list of requests if they didn't ask for one. They pressure and pester until I finally put together a list. I try to be reasonable in the cost of things and practical in the requests (seriously ... I put a trash can on my wish list this year ... $26.99 from Target.com ... no where to be found) Some of the same things show up on it every year, but they are never the ones purchased. The items that I express a special need or desire for are the ones left out (canisters for my flour and sugar would come in kinda handy here people!!) And inevitably I get the gift that is sort of what I asked for, but not it. So why the hell do I take the time to a) make the list, and b) get specific in the items requested. You people are going to buy whatever it is you want to buy anyway ...

And don't get me started on my brother ... $10 perfume? WTF!?!

Welcome to Neptune

Neptune blue that is ... and the kitchen pictures I promised (I ran my camera out of battery after taking Christmas pics yesterday .. like a huge dolt)

The pics are dark because it is a little gloomy outside and there isn't much natural light shining in, but you still get the idea ...

If I ever get the mirror back up, there will be pics of the holy purple powder room (the first room I have ever painted!)

Christmas In The Princess Palace

It is my first house, my first tree (since I moved out of my parents house 8 years ago), my first sofa, and my first Christmas without my family ...

Doesn't it look GREAT?!?

... and from the second floor ...

**just ignore the blue thing in the background - that is the old loveseat I was using as a couch before the new baby came to town on Tuesday. Oh, and ignore the oddly non-retro outdated coffee table - yet another loaner piece of furniture.

Do You Want the Good News Or The Bad News? Cuz I'm Running Out of Good ...

I know, I know ... I said I'd be back Tuesday and I wasn't (goes to show what you guys know, I flew in Monday night :-P) ... But world peace is never going to happen and my hopes for semi-regional, transitive peace within my own personal space are quickly being dashed this season ... again ...

Lil Bro was of course an ass while on the trip ... albeit not a giant ass this time ... but still an ass

And I hadn't even made it back to DC yet before it dawned on me that my dad had probably gotten his head confused with his ass again. Last night it was confirmed and I'm beginning to think he's had his head permanently affixed up there. What compelled him to put his wife's name on the presents he mailed, I have no idea ... but I'm not opening them without a sincere apology and an understanding that she is in no way allowed in my life. Period. No exceptions. Done. No hablo ingles.

Then, I get an email that someone's in the hospital again. Nothing huge, just pneumonia (like every winter) but what a crappy time to get it.

So I am fuming and cooking, cooking and fuming ...

When I stop, I'll put up some pictures of the sofa that has finally arrived

Blog Abandonment Continues

It's not like I've legitimately blogged here since oh ... before Thanksgiving, maybe? But, I thought I'd let you all know I'm running away again.

This West Coast girl, living in the bizarre oddity they call the East Coast, is headed back to the Midwest (That makes the fifth or sixth trip this year ...) I don't know if I should count my lucky stars that for a least a few times a year I'm that much closer to home, or if I should be afraid that the Midwest has some kind of hidden vortex it is trying to suck me into.

Either way ... off I go ... to Illin-nowa (yes yes, Illinois ... go watch Strongbad once in a while people). Too bad I'm not hitting Chicago, that might be fun.

Be back Tuesday

Side note: I was once quite excited about this trip ... it is the chance to see the good family again ... but note I said WAS. I could deal when mom said she was coming, but now Lil Bro is coming too ... ugh! Does anyone remember what happened the last time we spent a holiday together in IL? Yeah, he decided he wasn't going to drive me to the airport because I wouldn't piss of the event bankroller and plan his graduation reception. Welcome to the mature part of the holiday ...

Soft & Cuddly, Red Microsuede Joy ... FOR ME!

The sofa's coming today!
The sofa's coming today!
The sofa's coming today!

I can't wait!!

UPDATE:
No sofa ... the delivery company said it didn't come in on time so they can't bring it to me today. DAMN!

If You Get A Call From Me Today, This Is What You Might Hear..

When they discover the center of the universe, a lot of people will be disappointed to discover they are not it. - Bernard Bailey

Holiday Eating Tips

My cousin just emailed this to me ... and as I was laughing, I couldn't agree more (especially with #4 after my other cousin's wife made me make the mashed potatoes at Thanksgiving with skim milk ... eeck)

Holiday Eating Tips

1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.

2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. Like fine single-malt scotch, it's rare. In fact, it's even rarer than single-malt scotch. You can't find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an eggnog-aholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas!

3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.

4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.

5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello?

6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.

7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you're never going to see them again.

8. Same for pies. Apple. Pumpkin. Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or, if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?

9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards.

10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention.


And always remember this motto to live by:

"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, martini in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO what a ride!"

Just Go Find Me A Weeping Willow and I'll Be Fine

I should be a fairly good mood these days ... the trial is over, my family drama is over there instead of in my face, the house is painted, I get to see the good family again next weekend, there are red bows and blinky lights decorating the living room ...

But still, I'm struggling to keep out of this terrible funk

No word from the last interview ... that can't be good
The "ideal" roommate bailed out ... so back to square one on that front
No Christmas shopping done ... so going to end up screwing myself on this one
Leaky pipe in the bathroom
Leaky toilet in the other bathroom
Missing cabinet screw
More laundry than Macy's has clothes
A headache that just won't go away

It just feels like it never ends. One little thing can ruin my day entirely. Hell, when the roommate bailed yesterday I went for the carton of ice cream ... did I mention all the spoons were in the dishwasher that hasn't been run? So I sat on the couch trying not to cry eating straight out of the carton with a fork. Yes, a fork.

And I'm dreading Friday. A friend wants to go out dancing and all I can think of is, I'm broke, its cold, its windy, I don't have a trendy thing to wear in order to even attempt to compete with the skanky little bitches that will be there ... yeah, I'm real excited about the idea. Do we not recall I like jeans and boots kind of going out dancing?

All I'm asking for is for just one piece of the chaos to fall into place. Just one ... why is that so much to ask?

The Princess Palace Has Been Painted

The Living Room ...

BEFORE:

AFTER:

The Dining Room ...

BEFORE:

AFTER:

And there are more pics to come! It was a very busy weekend...