Anyone who has been here for a while knows - I don't have the greatest relationship with my family. We are working on it, but there are still issues. And don't think it's just me - my mom, dad, and brother all live within 5 minutes of each other and I think their relationships are just as dysfuntional as the ones I have with each of them.
In general, I think my biggest issue with the families that grate on my last nerve is the monumental hypocracy that goes on within them. They treat family members with less respect than they would anyone else on the planet and then say, "but I'm family!"
Don't buy a plane ticket and THEN tell me when you're coming. You'll find yourself sleeping in a hotel and doing a self-guided tour of the things you wanted to see.
Don't try to monopolize my holidays. I will spend them where I think I should. There are more people in the world that I care about than the people I am most closely genetically matched to. And if that one day matters to you so much, quit making me go to all the effort.
Don't think for a minute that that annoying whine of 'but I'm family' will buy you one ounce of exception. I don't give a shit who's family you're from ... if you wouldn't do it to your neighbor or your best friend, what makes you think it is ok to do it to me?? Period. End of Discusion.
(And that goes double for any potential in-laws that ever happen upon this as well)
Posted by Princess Cat at October 2, 2006 10:51 AM @ 10:51 AM in SSDD // Permalink | TrackBackTough message, but stick to it! Been there, done that, and over time, I have seen some improvements. Got tired of the expectations and dropped out for a bit. I let them think I am just a selfish single. And then make the effort on MY terms. Works well. Frustration much reduced since I made this step - hope it works well for you!
Posted by: jck at October 2, 2006 11:56 AM"End of discussion" ???
Oh, well. You can choose your friends, but not your relatives, my grandmother always told me. But I never knew my father, and since my grandparents raised me long after all their kids were grown, my mother became more of a sister to me. And with no true siblings . . . I have almost no conception of family.
Today, my wife (whom I still dearly love after 45 years) is on my ass all the time 'cause I have problem showing affection and love and all that with our "family." My kids understand me, but they have a hard time explaining to THEIR kids what appears to be dislike and distance and disapproval on my part when they're around.
What I see is my kids and my grandkids supporting each other and having fun together and supporting one another, and I missed all that. Kinda leaves a hole in my psyche, not to mention my personality. Blood is thick, but I never had anybody to share it with, so I had to learn to love people with no genetic connection to me whatever.
Very lonely life that way.
Posted by: babalu at October 2, 2006 03:11 PMI'm much happier not having to deal with those whom I wouldn't want to be around if I weren't related to them.
If the only way you can feel complete is by staying close to those who abuse your relationship, then it's a sad life you'll lead. I'd much rather be completely alone (though I doubt that will happen) than continue to try to receive support and love from people who are incapable of giving it to me.
Posted by: RSM at October 2, 2006 04:19 PM