February 19, 2006

It's Not Quite Real ... Yet

Thank you to all those who have offered their thoughts and prayers, sympathies and condolences. This whole situation doesn't quite feel real just yet.

Everyone expects that their grandparents (and eventually parents) will pass, it is a part of life that cannot be avoided. It is hard to watch as a body fails those we love, but the body is a fragile thing that just gives out after a while.

I remember being at my great-grandfather's funeral when I was a young child and I remember how it felt when my great-grandmother died 12 years ago, but I've never lost a family member that I am used to spending holidays and special events with.

When my great-grandfather passed I was too young to have any real emotion - in fact, I don't even know how he died. When my great-grandmother passed I remember feeling relieved. She had spent years in a nursing home, suffering with worsening dementia and Lord knows what else. She went to breakfast one morning and fell asleep at the table, where she peacefull passed and went onto a better place.

But this time ... my grandmother was a relatively healthy woman for her age, remarkably so, in fact. Her body was slowly beginning to fail in ways that her peers had experienced years before. She had a good 5 years left of her life to enjoy before she could be expected to suffer the 'hell of getting old.'

I don't ordinarly get angry when someone dies, but this time is different. She didn't reach the natural failure of her body, she was killed. Life brought to her, and to our family, a senseless, meaningless, stupid death that no one deserves.

I keep sitting here trying to reconcile my feelings on this but I keep coming back to the thought that my grandmother's life was stolen away ... she was nothing short of murdered by a selfish man who could think no farther than himself when he got behind the wheel of his truck that night.

Posted by Princess Cat at February 19, 2006 10:54 AM @ 10:54 AM in Ok, I'm Serious Here // Permalink | TrackBack

I'm so sorry Cat. Just so sorry for your loss.

Posted by: Tammi at February 19, 2006 05:34 PM

Our condolences Cat.

Posted by: Ted at February 19, 2006 06:48 PM

Damn, Cat, ...my condolences. I wish you and yours the best, that can be had in hard times like these.

Posted by: RedNeck at February 19, 2006 09:45 PM

My deepest sympathies on your loss. My granmother passed away last summer, I understand your pain. I will offer a prayer for your grandmother.

Posted by: hoosierboy at February 20, 2006 10:35 AM


Posted by: Tige at February 21, 2006 11:59 AM