Lacey always saw herself as a strong and fiercely independent person. To most that observed her she appeared aloof, almost uncaring. Her brisk walk and purposeful appearance only added to the perception that she was cold and unapproachable. She never gave off an image of mean spiritedness but people often would steer clear nonetheless - the same as they would cross the street when faced with a chained dog while walking past a neighborhood yard.
However, their behavior was fitting; she identified herself most closely with a K-9 Shepard. She admired their ability to focus and remain on mission. It was her goal to be the same way in her own life. This often meant she had little use for people - they usually just got in the way of completing a task. Like her animal counterpart, Lacey investigated everything, suspicious of it all. It wasn't that she lacked the ability to trust, she had just been given too many reasons to prevent her from doing it blindly. She needed evidence that her trust was being placed in something legitimate and that it would be cared for.
In reality, rather than the controlled police dog, she was probably one of the most torn and angry people she'd ever met. Beneath her focused, mission-oriented exterior was a girl lost in chaos. Her life had been about fairness, justice, and the golden rule but life had not treated her with the same respect. Doing the right thing always benefited someone else and left her on the side of the highway, punished for her altruism. It just didn't make sense in her head, she never knew which way to turn, and it sometimes pushed her to the brink of insanity. The angel on her shoulder told her to carry on, true to herself, and leave the anger behind. The devil on her shoulder told her that everything she faced proved being a good person didn't matter, that she should do just what she felt like in the moment. Some days the devil got the best of her and she became easily irritable, snapping at anyone that dared cross her. She felt betrayed by life and society and she wanted to make them pay. But in the end, the angel always won and no one ever paid. She couldn't sleep at night if harm had come to others at her hands, so none ever did. Knowing that it was not her place to deliver justice and that most never would be punished for any of the things they did made her absolutely livid. She wished that just for one night the angel would shut up and let the devil win for real.
This night she was close to getting her wish, the devil was winning. She was so angry she didn't know where to turn. She looked to the shower to calm her. She jerked the water on and caught a reflection of her contorted face in the mirror. It was flushed and her jaw tight as she clinched her teeth. Mad that her beauty had been stolen by those who angered her, she tore off her clothes and threw them on the floor. Before stepping into the water she put her long braid in to a bun with a claw clip. It pulled her hair slightly and scraped at her scalp. The unexpected pain made her smile.
She stayed in the shower for a long time, enjoying the hot water that she had made just slightly warmer than usual. It wasn't enough to burn her skin but it hurt a bit, just enough to fuel the devil that was raging inside. Her mind was in overdrive thinking up vengeful plots, creating mock arguments, urging her to punch one of the freshly tiled walls. It was only when the water grew cool that she was motivated to stop her internal tirade. Out of the shower and standing again in front of the mirror, she wished that her towel was wrapped around someone willing to carry out everything she had thought of instead of being wrapped around her. She knew the angel was trying to take over again.
A new mission was the only thing that could bring her down completely. The frown that had slid onto her face indicated that she had found one; her eyebrows were out of place. Putting her precious tweezers to use, she plucked stray hairs one by one to bring things back to the picture perfect way they should be. It still hurt every time she pulled a hair but it hurt just the way she wanted it to. The pain focused her again and allowed the angel to speak more clearly to her. She could sleep firm in her belief that they would pay, some day, in a way that was most deserved - even if it didn't come at her hands or if she never knew how.
Lin Lin was the type of woman that still considered herself a girl. Her life resembled a rollercoaster, but never the kind that gains top billing at the amusement park. She was the roller coaster that people rode when the line was too long for the one they really wanted to ride. The loops were not exhilarating enough and the drops not frightening enough to thrill the true fanatics. Her highs burned bright but brief, like a shooting star. They were recognized by only a few and very rarely ever the same few twice. Her lows were long and lasting, like an endless winter that promises to block out the sun for more months than the calendar says it should. Nothing too tragic ever happened to her so this extreme too went generally unnoticed in the world. She was too average to be great and too fortunate to be worth sympathy, leaving her to fall through every crack life afforded to society.
Her trust in people had waned so far that she trusted people whom she'd never met far more than she trusted those who dared say they love her. Those were the worst kind of people. They used it as an excuse for everything. They were always asking her to forget the wounds they had caused because they loved her. It wasn't the strangers who had betrayed her; it was always the ones she told herself never would. But somehow, she continued to let them. All the while she knew deep down that she couldn't ever completely forgive their transgressions, no matter how many times she told herself that she had.
Tonight, as she stood in the bathroom waiting for the shower to heat up, she felt more lost than usual. She stood in front of the mirror but she was in a daze and never saw her reflection looking back at her. Suddenly she realized that there was no reflection to see because hot steam had filled the room and completely fogged the mirror. She undressed, tied her hair in a knot, and stood at the edge of the tub, attempting to cool the now scalding water. Finally she was able to touch the water without yanking her hand away in pain and she climbed into the lonely enclosure.
The water that had burned her fingers just moments before somehow felt cold as it landed on her skin. She hugged her arms close across her breasts with her back to the water, begging her body to warm against the chill in the air. Her pleas went unanswered no matter how many times she turned the knob to release more hot water. The temperature rose but her body remained numb to the heat. She wanted to cry but no tears would fall. Resigned to a lackluster experience, she abandoned her hope for a relaxing and refreshing escape. She ran the soapy sponge over her body but hardly felt its touch. She rinsed away the bubbles and let her hair down, motionlessly standing under the water for a long time. The need to wash her hair finally occurred to her and she complied with the urge to do so. It felt tedious and monotonous. Once she was finished she wasn't even sure she had done it. Maybe she had just dreamed it so vividly that she believed she had done it. Either way, she ran conditioner and a comb through it before rinsing it once again.
She knew that she was clean, the basic purpose of taking a shower had been satisfied, but she stood under the water hugging herself again. She twisted left and right at the waist, forcing the water to dance down her back in new patterns as she tried to come up with a legitimate reason to remain so secluded. Nothing came to mind. She turned off the water, wrapped herself in a towel, and stepped out of the shower with new emotion in her heart. Now, instead of hopeful that she had found a brief shelter she felt disappointment. Even the shower had let her down today. But still, no tears escaped from the place that they hid in deep inside her soul.
Things that just keep happening in my life have me a little upset and stressed out at the moment so I have decided to take up creative writing again as a way to distract myself from the annoyances.
I don't have a storyline developed just yet but I am in the process of developing characters. You should be seeing them introduced one by one in the coming weeks. Be sure to look for them under the category "Story Time."