May 26, 2005

Character: Lin Lin

Lin Lin was the type of woman that still considered herself a girl. Her life resembled a rollercoaster, but never the kind that gains top billing at the amusement park. She was the roller coaster that people rode when the line was too long for the one they really wanted to ride. The loops were not exhilarating enough and the drops not frightening enough to thrill the true fanatics. Her highs burned bright but brief, like a shooting star. They were recognized by only a few and very rarely ever the same few twice. Her lows were long and lasting, like an endless winter that promises to block out the sun for more months than the calendar says it should. Nothing too tragic ever happened to her so this extreme too went generally unnoticed in the world. She was too average to be great and too fortunate to be worth sympathy, leaving her to fall through every crack life afforded to society.

Her trust in people had waned so far that she trusted people whom she'd never met far more than she trusted those who dared say they love her. Those were the worst kind of people. They used it as an excuse for everything. They were always asking her to forget the wounds they had caused because they loved her. It wasn't the strangers who had betrayed her; it was always the ones she told herself never would. But somehow, she continued to let them. All the while she knew deep down that she couldn't ever completely forgive their transgressions, no matter how many times she told herself that she had.

Tonight, as she stood in the bathroom waiting for the shower to heat up, she felt more lost than usual. She stood in front of the mirror but she was in a daze and never saw her reflection looking back at her. Suddenly she realized that there was no reflection to see because hot steam had filled the room and completely fogged the mirror. She undressed, tied her hair in a knot, and stood at the edge of the tub, attempting to cool the now scalding water. Finally she was able to touch the water without yanking her hand away in pain and she climbed into the lonely enclosure.

The water that had burned her fingers just moments before somehow felt cold as it landed on her skin. She hugged her arms close across her breasts with her back to the water, begging her body to warm against the chill in the air. Her pleas went unanswered no matter how many times she turned the knob to release more hot water. The temperature rose but her body remained numb to the heat. She wanted to cry but no tears would fall. Resigned to a lackluster experience, she abandoned her hope for a relaxing and refreshing escape. She ran the soapy sponge over her body but hardly felt its touch. She rinsed away the bubbles and let her hair down, motionlessly standing under the water for a long time. The need to wash her hair finally occurred to her and she complied with the urge to do so. It felt tedious and monotonous. Once she was finished she wasn't even sure she had done it. Maybe she had just dreamed it so vividly that she believed she had done it. Either way, she ran conditioner and a comb through it before rinsing it once again.

She knew that she was clean, the basic purpose of taking a shower had been satisfied, but she stood under the water hugging herself again. She twisted left and right at the waist, forcing the water to dance down her back in new patterns as she tried to come up with a legitimate reason to remain so secluded. Nothing came to mind. She turned off the water, wrapped herself in a towel, and stepped out of the shower with new emotion in her heart. Now, instead of hopeful that she had found a brief shelter she felt disappointment. Even the shower had let her down today. But still, no tears escaped from the place that they hid in deep inside her soul.

Posted by Princess Cat at May 26, 2005 11:03 AM @ 11:03 AM in Story Time // Permalink

.. wow.. that was powerful, Cat...

Posted by: Eric at May 26, 2005 05:14 PM