July 27, 2007

The truths that we all tried to hide
Are so much clear when it's not our lives
We don't face the blame

AWTM is correct in her comments on the last post ... thanks to the world of hormone therapy, I have entered the world of an increasing bust size ...

... Something which I'm sure was pleasurable for the passers-by as I got caught in an absolute downpour this evening. I was nothing short of completely soaked ...

And now that I've lost the male population of the readership ... I'll keep going below the fold for the um, three readers that I have left?

I'm back to visiting the ICU on a regular basis.

I've done less crying this time, though I can't really explain why.

Perhaps it is because I am more focused on the disbelief, it makes living in denial easier ... maybe?

No, there is no denying a dying man left behind.

I am still the interloper. It is a role I have come to peace with. I'd be the one calling adult protective services if he weren't in the hospital right now. I'm slowly losing ties with the entire family as it is, so what's a little bit of anger?

I have stopped caring who is mad. When there is a simple, feasible, mild solution that could at least attempt to give someone a little bit of quality back in their life, I am ok with people being mad. At least then they'll keep their nose out of my business because they won't want anything to do with me.

I'm not interested in saving a person for the sake of saving them, just to prolong a life no one would want to live. That is not my decision to make. But I'm not going to listen to a doctor that was dead wrong in a major way from a hospital with a reputation for killing people make that decision either.

A hero of two wars and this is how his family thanks him ...

Posted by Princess Cat at 08:35 PM | Comments (9) | TrackBack

July 26, 2007

I've been looking for a driver who is qualified
So if you think that you´re the one, step into my ride

The biggest news in my life these days?

The new medicine is making it hurt to wear a bra ...

Posted by Princess Cat at 09:39 PM | Comments (7) | TrackBack

July 20, 2007

Do You Know What It Feels Like...?

If you ever want to have an uncomfortable day, just repeat mine from yesterday ...

Get a couple hours of sleep
Don't forget the hangover
Take a really bad taxi ride with 4 co-workers
Thank the driver for making all of you carsick
Get to the airport really early
Have your mentor text message you the "we need to talk"
Sleep in a non-reclining airline seat
Head straight for the vagina whisperer's office
Get stuck in traffic while you REALLY have to pee
Have an invasive procedure at the vagina whisperer's office
Go shopping for nothing, just because you're there already
Make sure your anesthetic wears off while you're there
Get stuck in traffic again on the way to dinner
Showing up before the restaurant opens is a definite must
Discuss your new feminine needs with your dad while at the pharmacy
Have your mom question the Dr and harass you about it until 11:30p

I suppose the day could have been worse, I could have gotten bad news from the doc.

This new doc was such an improvement over my previous experience that I almost didn't mind I was in so much pain (don't kid yourself either - it ain't gone). Well, ok...I mind the pain but I still really liked his style. I learned that there is nothing harmful going on and, in theory, what we are trying out should be a relatively simple solution to my problems (if mom will stop worrying so damn much).

I guess pulling favors and flying all the way across the country to see a doctor might be worth all the drama after all.

Posted by Princess Cat at 11:52 AM | Comments (4) | TrackBack

July 15, 2007

We All Want Something We Can't Have

I am off on travel for the week (late for the airport in fact)

I'll be in San Fran for most of the time - holy crap its been a long time since I've been there. From what I hear, it should be a good time (even if they are work people).

Then, due to my own issues with the vagina whisperers, I'm going to LA. This should be a trip through hell on so many fronts.
-One, a less than routine trip to the vagina whisperer that promises to be VERY painful (AWESOME!)
-Two, my mom is pissed off at me for pulling favors, bypassing the bitch of a whisperer here, and not being a more patient patient
-Three, I'll be staying at mom's house
-Four, I REALLY don't want to see my brother (or his handler), um at all ...

I swear I really am going to come back to regularly blogging one day. Maybe it will take having a lovely macbook to motivate me ...? Maybe it will just take having something other than drama to talk about ...

Posted by Princess Cat at 10:19 AM | Comments (3) | TrackBack

July 14, 2007

I wish everyone was loved tonight
And somehow stop this endless fight
Just a chance that maybe we'll find better days

Ok, so answer me this ... how do you sleep at night when you know someone is taking active measures to kill themselves? Not the I'm gonna swallow this bottle of pills if you don't pay attention to me or I've got a razor kind of active measures, but the kind that slowly, but actively work to end your life in a purposeful fashion.

For example - elderly, depressed, and on a hunger strike. Today is day 11.

Literally no food. Just water and sugar free candy by the handfuls. Oh, and hourly diarrhea for good measure.

Somehow I want to respect a person's decision not to fight but I can't really accept that is what is going on here.

He's lost his wife and his asshole son is living with him now. Frankly, I could understand him wanting to die. But if you were in a reasonable state of mind and really wanted to die, why would you continue to take your medicines?

I can accept not sticking a bunch of tubes in him or landing him back in the hospital again but to not do anything? Family members in the house, day after day, saying there is nothing they can do. It just makes me sick inside. And of course, people are angry with me for wanting to help him. But what else is new?

In my world - this man is very depressed, living in the house where his wife died, not thinking clearly. That does not make standing by while he gives up something I can really accept.

How about you?

Posted by Princess Cat at 09:32 AM | Comments (5) | TrackBack

July 06, 2007

Last time I checked in I promised pics of the kids ... well no dice just yet - no one has sent me any and I didn't take any.

Why not? I have a really good excuse ...

A weekend's worth of non-alcoholic induced vomiting
(seriously, it was the most I think I have ever puked in my entire life ... ever)

So you're just screwed on that one ... until one of my cousins sends me some pics and I remember to share ... so basically you're just screwed on that one.

Posted by Princess Cat at 11:28 PM | Comments (6) | TrackBack