I know I said part of me was relieved yesterday, but I only said part of me. There is another part of me that is wound tighter than lonely Marines headed to the strip club on pay day.
I have had trouble sleeping the past couple of nights, but not for a lack of wear. The emotional drain of being the strong, rational one and watching my mom go through what she would never admit she is feeling is enough to make me want to sleep. On top of that, I have myself another frustrating head cold sucking the life out of me.
I find myself lying in bed just unable to relax. Once I get the body to begin to release a little tension, the mind starts churning. Once the mind calms down, the body aches and stiffness start bothering me again.
I woke up yesterday morning from a fearful dream, running from an unknown person. I was never physically running from anyone in particular but I was living in fear, locking doors, questioning everything ... I knew that someone wanted me dead. I didn't know who it was or who they had put up to doing the deed, but I knew someone definitely wanted me dead. I woke up so afraid that I wasn't even sure I could trust those close to me in real life. I remember saying, "even if you are in on it, you wouldn't tell me..."
I have been watching too much TV
I am on edge about family and death. I am scared of the phone calls I know are coming. My aunt with Parkinsons and Alzheimers is under 100 pounds now. We believe my uncle had a heart attack but went unseen due to caring for his precious wife. He will not last without her. She is his entire world and has been ever since I can remember. He has neglected himself to worry over her.
The curse of threes is threatening to begin its cycle again...
Posted by Princess Cat at September 1, 2006 10:52 AM @ 10:52 AM in Way Down Inside // Permalink | TrackBackCat, I'm really sorry you're going through all this. Let us know if there's anything we can do...even if it's just buy you a beer.
Posted by: nic at September 1, 2006 07:21 PM