It dawned on me this evening as I sat here wondering what to do with myself in the midst of a summer thunderstorm … it has been six months … to the day.
No matter how many times I fly into town, make the trek to the house, sleep on the small, uncomfortable bed in the back bedroom, have an unhealthy breakfast in the kitchen, and open the window while I shower because there is no exhaust fan, it still feels like nothing has changed.
It isn’t until I walk into the living room and it seems oddly quiet that I notice something is amiss. When I walk into the master bedroom to investigate, I remember what it is. The police scanner is turned off. It has been off since February. No one is listening to the local boys in blue or their trouble making counterparts.
The tall, important looking bed is scattered with my dad’s papers and clothes. The back supporting pillows have been tossed aside, onto the floor. The folded blanket from the foot of the bed is in a pile on top of a chest nearby.
She is not propped up, resting in bed, crocheting something ornate. All of the signs of her … her essence … have been removed from her most personal and private place.
Then I know she is gone.
(I would have posted the song itself, but I'm too retarded to figure it out right now)
When I looked out today
And saw that the sky was gray
I thought about the way
You loved days like this
And driving in to town
It really started coming down
Bringing me back around
To all that I miss
It feels like it's rainin' you
It feels like it's rainin' you
I didn't even run inside
Or worry about staying dry
Besides there nowhere I can hide
These feeling now
Running down my face
Takes me to another place
I can't think of another way to drown
It feels like it's rainin' you
I can't explain it
But I am baptized anew
It feels like it's rainin' you
If I had my way
It would do this every day
I would never see the sun
Because the closest I get
To holding you again
Is every time that sky opens up
It feels like it's rainin' you
I can't explain it
But I am baptized anew
It feels like it's rainin' you
It feels like it's rainin' you
--Brad Paisley
Posted by Princess Cat at July 18, 2006 11:05 PM @ 11:05 PM in Ok, I'm Serious Here // Permalink | TrackBack... it is never easy to see a place where traces stay.... trust me... but just being able to see it from your perspective is the best starting place.....
Posted by: Eric at July 20, 2006 10:27 PM