February 01, 2006

And Then What?

...I've been asking myself that question for the last 5 days... And then what? The pain, the anger, the confession... And then what?

I've had a really hard time recovering from the spewing of my deepest secret last week. I mean, really ... How does one return to regular blogging after that? It all seems just a little too blah to be read about once the underbelly has been exposed.

Truthfully, I've gone into hiding since last week. Not just on the blog but on email for the most part and via phone. I know I've upset a few people and made others worry far more than necessary, but I have felt very raw. I know everyone that cares about me means well, but I haven't been ready for the "so how are you doing" conversations just yet.

I just want to feel normal again but now I know that everyone knows my struggle. How do you feel normal when everyone else knows your daily life is an emotional roller coaster, no matter how strong a face you put on it?

So I suppose I'm working on "normal"...

Posted by Princess Cat at February 1, 2006 01:16 AM @ 01:16 AM in Ok, I'm Serious Here // Permalink | TrackBack

... life IS a rollercoaster.... and each of us is riding their own... some scream and some laugh, but it's still a rollercoaster... me?... I scream bloody murder, but I still write my blog as if I laugh.... hang on, kiddo... the ride ain't even CLOSE to being over....

Posted by: Eric at February 1, 2006 07:03 AM


You know, you're a sweet kid for worrying about your readers, but now really isn't the time for it. This is more of a time for you to worry about you and how you feel about all of this. If that means taking a break, then for Christ's sake, take a break. Trust me, no one will hold it against you or think any less of you for it.

Normal will come when you're ready for it. So get yourelf ready. We'll still be here when it comes.

Posted by: skippystalin at February 1, 2006 09:11 AM

I did talk to my daughter and neice about what to do if attacked. I'm leary about practicing 'cause after all, it would hurt.
But they're clear - no mercy.
Without your sharing, I would have never thought to bring up such an important topic and teach them.

Posted by: _Jon at February 1, 2006 06:57 PM

you need to take time for yourself. there are no clear cut answers in situations such as this. i do like reading this blog as it humors me and has helped me come to terms with my own struggles. thank you, no matter what you decide to do.

Posted by: Shelley at February 1, 2006 07:44 PM

Shoot, I think that it toojk a lot of guts to write and post the initial story...but that doesn't negate what came before it. Although the previous stuff may have been "trite" or "unimportant", it doesn't mean that it's not part of who you are as well.

We don't expect a "Bombshell" from you every day, just more of the "little things" that make you who you are.Those of us who've had the pleasure of your acquaintance, should think no less of you because you shared a "deep thing" on your site. We've still met you... and liked the person we saw. As far as I'm concerned, nothing's changed. Just continue to "Be Yourself", and we'll keep coming back.

Remember the awkward hug I gave you at the airport? There's another available, anytime you need one.

Anyway's, Just take care of "you" girl...we'll be here when you need us.

Posted by: Johnny - Oh at February 2, 2006 10:28 PM

you keep moving forward. And you can be safe in knowing some of us will be there when you are ready.

Posted by: RSM at February 4, 2006 07:11 AM

The normalcy feeling comes from knowing that people know your secret and guess what? We are still here. It means that now you should know that you are not alone, that it has happened to other people too. The important thing for you to focus on and the source of your anxiety is that you don't know how you could have avoided it in the first place so there is probably a real fear of it happening again at some point. My solution would be for you to seek out something empowering to you, something that is going to lessen that fear..karate lessons comes to mind as something that would fall into that category.

The power lies within you.

Posted by: Kelly at February 4, 2006 09:13 AM

sadly, you're just normal. everybody says stuff on their blog they regret or feel retarded about. no big deal. look at velociman, it could be worse. that dude is totally fucked up. you'll be back to normal soon enough.
by the way, you are coming to austin. you are coming to austin. you are coming to austin. understand?

Posted by: shoe at February 4, 2006 10:10 AM

Like Kelly said.

I'm still here.

Posted by: Harvey at February 4, 2006 07:44 PM