November 02, 2009

If I could walk on water, If I could tell you what's next...

... I'd make you believe, I'd make you forget ...

and I'd sleep a lot better at night

Ever since I can remember, I have craved three things:

1. Stability. The ability to enjoy the now, to be happy with the present, to not be waiting for the better tomorrow, to not feel that tomorrow would be there soon.

2. Security. The ability to know I can stumble because someone will be there to help me back up, that I don't always have to be the hero because someone else will fill the need when I can't, the knowledge that someone else has my back when I stand in front of the punch I know is coming.

3. Sanity. The ability to experience emotions and be understood, to be irrational and accepted, to be scared and be comforted.

Unfortunately, I'm still searching. Thanks to many factors, I'm faced with a myriad of possibilities for moving (read: uprooting and potential loss of employment), home buying (read: settling in much less than our dream home), child bearing (read: oh dear god, am I this old?), family separating (read: best painful thing that could happen), remodeling (read: indulgent waste of money), car buying (read: compromise that leaves no one happy) ... need I go on?

How are you supposed to make decisions about these thing when they are all competing with one another? And when your person is gone?

Posted by Princess Cat at 08:10 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack