September 06, 2006

Another Day And You've Had Your Fill Of Sinking

My homework for the day was to sit in the car and to try getting used to the mirrors. I almost let the assignment go by ... after all, who was really going to care all that much if I didn't do it ... but I knew that I had to live up to myself, to be truthful with my heart, and to honor the commitment I made.

No more backing out. No more "there's no consequence" excuses.

There are consequences. My sanity for starters.

In any event, I'm not sure if I succeeded more in making the driver's seat feel like a comfortable place or in trying to forget I was in a car.

I managed to actually put the key in the ignition this time. But only to turn on the radio, not the engine. Turning over the engine whilst alone is not something I'm ready for.

I found some cheerful, peppy music and tried to feel comfortable. I listen to music all day at my desk, so my theory was music in the car should make me feel more normal.

Singing definitely helped. It always helps.

My hands didn't feel as scary on the steering wheel as my mind said they would. Although, the proper driving posture still felt silly.

I mostly felt like a child, playing pretend, mimicking mom and dad driving. The other drivers in the parking lot gave me a few looks ... and I was embarassed ...

But I promised myself 20 minutes today, and I did not let my heart down.

Posted by Princess Cat at 11:10 PM | Comments (6) | TrackBack

I Met Up With An Old Gringo, He Showed Me Round And Said to Call Him Joe

At first, I was half in, half out ... with my feet on the ground and my head leaning on the doorpost. It was a start.

Then, one foot after the other, I was inside. My butt felt weird in the seat. My back felt stiff. It was uncomfortable and weird ... like a new pair of shoes that you just aren't sure will ever break in right so maybe you won't buy them.

After about 10 minutes, I finally closed the door. I just sat ... with my hands in my lap ... feeling stupid.

My mind stepped out of my body and I saw myself from my bedroom window. What on earth is this chick doing? She's just sitting there. Haha. Check out the crazy girl going for a pretend drive, without her hands on the wheel even. Dude, I told you this girl is a freak.

I looked into the mirrors and tried to adjust myself to the idea that they are good tools. Reliance, even in the slightest, on anything other than my own direct line of sight made me squeemish. I am scared to trust.

It made my neck hurt. I need to stretch.

I sat in the driver's seat tonight.

Posted by Princess Cat at 12:45 AM | Comments (7) | TrackBack